Starting to feel free at last!!!

[Goannabanda]

I know that I am only a bandbaby (just a few weeks out), but I wanted to share with the group some 'miracles' I am experiencing in my attitudes and habits. Like anyone who's trying to lose weight, I have almost daily challenges with old food "friends". I am surprised at how I am coping, so far, with resisting eating them (except for chocolate! LOL!!).

I feel like I am learning for the first time how my body can talk to me about food, rather than just my head dictating the rules.

I realise that this is just early days, and there are bound to be frustrations and set-backs, but I FEEL LIKE I AM LEARNING, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, HOW TO HAVE A 'NORMAL' RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD. I could almost cry with how happy this makes me feel - it is truly a miracle after a lifetime of wondering what was wrong with me and my relationship with food, compared to everybody else I know.

I can't believe how full I feel after a small meal, and how long it lasts. I admit, it's only the first week of my mushies, but wow! I have felt both truly full and truly hungry this week - FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS.

For example, we went to Macca's today. It was lunchtime, and DS had his happy meal. I could have ordered a smoothie or shake and called it "lunch", as it was that time of day, but DH and I just had a coffee. It was the first time I've been to Macca's and not wanted to order anything to eat, nor felt like I was missing out on any treats. Usually the smell of the fries is enough to make me want to eat a full meal, regardless of what time it is nor how recently I last ate. Today, I wasn't even tempted to nibble on DS's fries.

Today I was still full from breakfast - a feeling that lasted all day until dinner time, so I ended up skipping lunch all together. It was the first time in years (apart from times of illness) that I've skipped a meal and not ended up climbing the walls by the next meal time.

I can't get over how I couldn't care less today about not eating Macca's nor about skipping a meal altogether. A few weeks ago I would have said that these two things would be almost impossible for me to do without major frustration or feelings of deprivation. By dinner time, I was properly hungry again. We were out at a BBQ, and my stomach actually GROWLED!!! I almost didn't recognise what it was at first! (For a moment the thought flashed in my mind that it was some late post-op CO2 movements! LOL!!)

I am astounded at the changes in such early days, and I am trying to keep in mind that there will be setbacks and challenges along my way. However, if these feelings of freedom are going to be part of my life in future, even in a very small measure, then I am hooked.

My mum says I am brave and courageous to get this surgery...


...I just feel blessed that I am finally being released from these burdens that I carry. Praise God!

[Neal R.]

Congrats on your banding. I understand how you feel. I think knowing I went through with the surgery helped my head as much as my stomach (if that makes sence). Knowing I don't want to fail at this after going through with it helps me when I get tempted to eat the things I shouldn't. Good luck as you begin this fantastic journey. You will do great.

[Diva]

What a great post! Go Goanna Go! You really inspired people today, you should be proud of yourself. You Mother is right, you are courageous and very brave. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[mrs_christy]

Awwwww Goanna that is fantastic. Girl this is just the beginning of great things for us! Keep up the great work!:nod:

[Kathy]

Oh, I could just hug you for that post. How inspiring! Well done! Seems I need to re-learn the "let it go" attitude regarding food. It really isn't all that important, except what your body needs to function. Thanks for the kick in my butt! :lol: You are way cool. :love:

[Momotrips]

That's so great, Anna! I hope to be there soon. Such an inspiring post - it gives me hope.

[Goannabanda]

Gosh, thanks guys! You are all MY source of inspiration. I nearly didn't make this post, as I thought it was a bit silly a first. Can't believe that you found in inspirational! I'm chuffed!

Neal is right - having gone through the surgery itself has definitely brought it's own changes and self-realisations. Hanging around here and soaking up all your wisdom and insights is helping me equally as much, so thank you everyone for sharing.

Diva - I couldn't dare let my mum know that she was right, that would undo years of work I've put in on her... LOL!

[Stitchy]

Anna. Yep, that's what was like for me, too. I couldn't believe how little food interested me - and actually still doesn't. I will occasionally have a treat that is in the office, but I ask myself do I REALLY want it? Is it worth it? Sometimes, yes. Most of the time, no.

Good for you. It was really good to read a newbie's experience. Reminds me to keep vigilent!

[JDru]

You are just too cool Anna. I think I'm still waiting for my head to catch up with my stomach. :) I'm doing ok, but the smell of food still makes me want to eat! Thanks for sharing your inspirational thoughts.

[Goannabanda]

Yep, I am too cool for school:cool: , a real legend in my own lunch box.:heh:

The "new me" has just survived a VERY trying weekend with a VERY grumpy 5yo who's suffering sinus pain, cough and runny nose. A weekend of stress and screaming - and not always just from him! LOL!! Anyway, you'll all be very pleased to hear that my snack to scream ratio is waaaay down compared to pre-banding levels. I hope that I don't sound smug or anything, as I was far from perfect in the pantry raiding department, I'll admit to a few extra snacks along the way this weekend, but in general there was a large improvement overall. O!:eek: M! :eek: G! :eek: - IT'S STILL WORKING.

[Momotrips]

Ya know Anna, I'm surprised at how easy this has been so far. I'm still on cream soup/full liquid until after Thanksgiving. I really haven't struggled at all. It's like I have a whole change in mindset. Sometimes, just because, I will pop half a sugar-free Hershey mini in my mouth and just let it melt. Don't even do that everyday, just for a little taste. I ate one mini regular chocolate bar from Halloween and it didn't impress me. The thing I'm having the hardest time with is getting all the fluids in. I don't want to gulp, which is usually how I get in all my water, so with sipping, I find that I forget usually early in the day and then I'm playing catch up in the evening - and getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Ugh. I also haven't felt quite up to any vigorous walking yet, but have completely cleaned the house one day, walked a long time on Halloween and take a leisurely walk once or twice a day most days. Our new fancy treadmill broke (floor model/good price/piece of crap?) - it's getting repaired or replaced, but we're waiting for a new motor to see if that works, or I'd be trying to do that daily. I think I'm going to start doing some light upper body with hand weights too. Gotta get the arms in shape - my goal is a sleeveless dress/blouse.

I'm sure this is just some kind of honeymoon period and later I will be struggling. Actually, I'm a good dieter/eater, it's just the hunger and portion control that I've always wrestled with. I'm hoping the band is the answer to that problem once and for all. I am losing slower than I hoped, but I have a lower start weight than many, as well - that's my story and I'm sticking to it. 8 pounds gone today 16 days out. I think that as I increase my exercise and remain on the full liquids that I may see that continue steadily. I hope.

My kids have been so understanding. They all asked me if I could have any Holloween candy very politely. I, unlike you, Anna, had a relaxing weekend - my guys went on a Cub Scout campout that I didn't want to do while trying to eat nothing but full liquids. Not too convenient. So, I stayed home, read and watched movies. Ahhh. The biggest trial will be the first time my husband travels for business overnight. The stress of being with the kids alone always makes me nibble. Also, we're going to the in-laws the week of Thanksgiving (not actual T-Day, thank goodness) and they don't know about my sugery and I will still be on full liquids (I will be less than a week away from mushies, though, so If pushed into a corner I can eat something soft)... They would NOT understand about WLS especially since I didn't weigh 300+. I thought if they asked what was up I could say that I had to have the surgery to correct reflux - similar, but not weight loss surgery. Hopefully I'll be able to pull it off without anyone noticing. They are kind of ignorant of this kind of stuff and judgmental. You'd have to know them to understand. Anyway, that's going to be my biggest trial.

Anna, stay strong with the screaming/crying kid and try to keep your own screaming/crying to a minimum.

[Kat817]

Sounds like you guys are off to an excellent start!!! It is a wonderful thing, having your hope restored! I felt kind of like I remembered feeling as a child, as Christmas approached, full of excitement, and anticipation.
One of my favorite things that this surgery has given me is that it not only affects me, but those around me as well, and it affects them positively! In my case, one of my primary reasons for wanting the surgery done, was so I could be as active in my grandkids lives as I was their parents. I knew if I did it now, these babies would hardly remember me as a Fat Grandma. I provide daycare for my 23 month old granddaughter, and have since before the surgery. Now we walk every day, and I love knowing she is outside getting fresh air, rather than eating chips on the couch with Granny--which is very likely what would have been going on prior to banding. Slowly (so as not to send DH and the family into shock) I have changed out the snacks and easy to grab foods in the pantry, the vast majority of our food now is healthy food...or at least a healthier version of what we once had in there. For years, we went through so much snack food, I bought the cheapest around, now we go through so little, I buy what is best for us. Many days my DGD and I will walk to the grocery store if I need an item or 2 to finish dinner, and she begs for "nana's" (bananas) but does not even blink an eye at the candy, which is exactly at her level in her stroller!! She once wanted watermelon...well I didn't want to lug a huge watermelon home in the stroller, so I bought one of the little quartered pieces they have wrapped for sale. People were commenting on her holding this watermelon, cradled on her lap like it was a treasure!! We DO more things, I chase her, we go swing, we walk, we play. I participated in a 4-H event my great niece was in, and we took part in a hula hoop contest, and came in 3rd place! I would have NEVER done that 70 pounds ago. I help my DH do more things outside, so we spend lots more time together. This surgery has benefitted me in ways I never even imagined prior to having it. My goals at the time were health and vanity...and I didn't look much beyond that, and I have gained so much as I have lost.
I feel like I have changed in so many ways...I feel like a safer driver! I can turn and look behind me, and move in my car in ways I had not in years. I now sit down into my car as opposed to turning and basically falling into the seat!
And one of the strangest things, to try to say, without sounding wrong, is I react to people differently. I know the difference is me. I used to walk into the stores, and not meet many peoples eyes, and I know it was a self protection thing. I am confident now, and I meet their eyes. (Here goes, please don't take this to be mean sounding). There was a time my goal was to walk into a store and not be the biggest person I saw. Now I am not. I am not thin yet, but I am not the biggest either. But I make a point of meeting peoples eyes, especially those that are bigger, and smiling, and treating them the way I always appreciated being treated before. Some days it seemed people either looked at me with disdain, or I was invisible to them. I made a vow never to treat others that way. I have changed, but I am still the same person I was...and I hated that. I don't mean that to sound condescending, I didn't think "normal" sized people were better than me before, and I won't think I am better when I become one. I just refuse to be one of those people who treat big people like they are lesser. If it makes one person go home and not feel like the shopping trip was so awful, then I feel like I did good! It was the days people reacted like I was invisible or were rude, that I stopped at a drive thru on the way home, and soothed the ruffled feathers with food!!!
This band has been the answer to many a prayer. And not only has it changed my life and that of my DH, kids and grandkids--even my parents! They are so thrilled for me! I know they worry less about me. I have always (ok maybe not from 16-20) done whatever I could to make their lives easier...I just never knew how worried they were about how big I was. Now they don't have that on their minds!!! and added benefit!!
Keep going girls---life is going to show you all kinds of wonderful new things--or remind you of the ones you left behind as you gained weight!!!
Enjoy the trip!!!
Kat

[Idahobeauty]

Anna, I am so glad to hear that you are doing so well. I hope your son gets better soon. It's amazing for me to sit her pre banded and watch the psychological (sp) changes in the bandsters! I look at it this way. This is the last week of my old, fat, miserable life and begining Friday will be my new "do what is good for you" life. I guess I kind of see it as a turning point in which to start doing good things for my body. I am so glad to see this happening to you already. You are too cool for school! mwah!

[Goannabanda]

mmwwwaaHHH! For you Mel, Kat and Susan!

Mel - I'm glad to be sharing this journey so closely in time with you. My DH travels overnight for work quite often - these nights are always a challenge for snacking and staying up too late. I find it hard to settle when he's not here (like tonight). At least these days it is harder to nibble, as once I've had my dinner, I'm simply too full!!! I hope that once you are back onto a full diet, that this comes true for you too. Good luck at the in-laws house - just tell them you have been off-colour, and don't feel like eating if you are grilled about your liquid diet.

Kat - Amen to you - you are one rockin' grandma! I think that although we define "health" as our goal, we don't realise the myriad little things that are affected by that one little word. A bit like how we don't have any real understanding as to how much we, and our lives, are changed once the baby is born (or in Mel's case once the three of them were born! LOL!!) Now I have finally been able to lose some weight, and experience some of the psychological changes brought by the band, I am starting to see just the tip of the iceberg that is "health". And I like what I see!

...and Susan! By now you are already banded and your new life has begun! Welcome to the other side! Sure getting the band is the identified as the turning point, but in your case, you already started your new life weeks ago, with all of the challenges you have met to get banded, to quit smoking cold turkey and get your insurance approval etc. Pat yourself on the back, you are already well on the way to bandster success!!!

...and our bandster adventures continue...