having huge challenge

[Kitty]

Hello all. I haven't been around for a few weeks. Went to my parents house up in Tulsa, Oklahoma for Christmas and just got home last night. My dad has been dealing with Leukemia for the past four years and has been enjoying remission. On Tuesday, December 30th his blood work showed that he was out of remission and by Sunday early morning (1:30am) he was gone. He was so strong and seemed so healthy that people didn't even know that he had the disease unless he told them. This was a HUGE shock to me and my family and I haven't been dealing with the loss very well. I don't know if I have mentioned this before or not, but I lost a daughter about 6 years ago and this loss has made a lot of those memories fresh again. I vary between not wanting to eat and then wanting to have all the wrong stuff. Somehow, I have actually managed to not gain any weight.

[rhonda]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. No words can help I know, but coming here was the smart thing to do. We are here to support you in any way we can.

[little t]

I am so sorry to hear about your father. The thought of losing my father one day brings tears to my eyes right now, so I can only imagine how much pain you are going through. I hope you have support around you to help you through this difficult time. Make sure to be open and honest with people around you so they can help you through this difficult time. When I was upset, I used to run right for the potatoe chips. But I have transferred that addiction and comfort to working out. Try doing some hard excercise to get out the frustration and anger that you MUST be feeling.

[AnnDe]

Kitty, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I can say, I know just how you are feeling with the loss . I too loss my father a few months after banding. It was a huge struggle! not to turn to the foods we are use to for our comfort and pain. I agree with Tami, Finds something to focus the thoughts and feeling to. I even went as far and got help through consoling. Sounds to me with the loss of a child and now your father, I would seek professional help. We are all here for you so know you could post when you need. Prayers for you and your family

[LadyJane]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. (((HUGS))) to you and your family while dealing this very sad time.

[newlifeat57]

Kitty, I wondered what had happened to you. I am soo sorry to hear about your loss. It's difficult trying to find words that will help you in any way. just know that my prayers are with you. like the others before mentioned... We are all here for you .....

[Nick N Ava's Grammy]

Kitty.. I don't have any magic words to help ease your pain, but I can offer some special thoughts and prayers coming up your way. Any time we lose a parent (both of mine are gone, dying 13 yrs apart, but my Dad died June 26, 1987, Mom died July 1, 2000, my birthday is June 29), is so difficult. Even tho we expect it, it's hard to let them go. Just know that he is in a much better place, looking down with sweet eyes, watching out for you and your family. Gentle hugs are coming your way. Bless you.

[redgrldj]

Kitty this was very hard for me to read.. I am soo sorry for your loss.. I am happy for your dad though, he is in such a better place and no more dealing with the illness..

[~Shelly~]

I'm so sorry. Big hugs and thoughts for you and your family.

[Kitty]

I want to say thank you to each of you that took the time to offer your thoughts and condolences. I am trying to keep from falling into too big a pit of despair, but am feeling the loss very heavily right now. I have been praying for strength and know that I will make it through. Unfortunately, I find a lot of my bad food habits have been sneaking up to comfort me.

[Kitty]

I am so sorry to hear about your father.Try doing some hard excercise to get out the frustration and anger that you MUST be feeling.

I think this would be really helpful, but I am having trouble having the energy to even get dressed each day...let alone do some hard excercise.

[little t]

Do you have a friend that would go for an easy stroll. That way you can get outside in some fresh air and you can talk through what you are feeling.

[Kitty]

That's a great idea...thanks t!

[Kitty]

Today is the first day that I didn't spend half the day crying. I just wanted to report that good news. I did end up getting a WII Fit for Christmas, so I am going to try and break that out tomorrow and get MOVING! Thank you again to all of you for your support.

[graciesaunt]

May God heal your heart during this great loss. Remember you are never alone, as we are here to give you support from across the US and around the world. We care!!!

[kat]

Kitty - I somehow missed this thread, but let me add my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. It IS very hard, and will continue to be hard for quite a while, but it really does get better with time, as you know. Grief is a fickle process - you feel good one moment and in the depths the next. Makes you feel crazy - but you're not. And you're right - when you grieve you grieve for not just this loss, but all the losses that came before.
There's not a 'right' way to grieve, nor is there a time limit. Just take really good care of yourself while you're actively healing. Staying with the band rules will help you feel better in the short term and the long term.
We're with you, girlfriend. Write whenever you need to.

[little t]

Although all of us don't post on this thread each time we read it, know that we are listening to you. So if you have something you need to say to get off your chest, please post. We are all here for you!

[Kitty]

May God heal your heart during this great loss. Remember you are never alone, as we are here to give you support from across the US and around the world. We care!!!

Thank you so much...it really helps.


Kitty - I somehow missed this thread, but let me add my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. It IS very hard, and will continue to be hard for quite a while, but it really does get better with time, as you know. Grief is a fickle process - you feel good one moment and in the depths the next. Makes you feel crazy - but you're not. And you're right - when you grieve you grieve for not just this loss, but all the losses that came before.
There's not a 'right' way to grieve, nor is there a time limit. Just take really good care of yourself while you're actively healing. Staying with the band rules will help you feel better in the short term and the long term.
We're with you, girlfriend. Write whenever you need to.

Thank you...I appreciate all the love you guys have been giving. I've been feeling so isolated. I haven't shared this before now, but I am in a marriage that is basically over. I compare it to someone being on life support and while there is no life still there, someone else doesn't want to accept it and refuses to pull the plug. Needless to say, during a time like this, that doesn't give me anyone to really draw comfort from.


Although all of us don't post on this thread each time we read it, know that we are listening to you. So if you have something you need to say to get off your chest, please post. We are all here for you!

Thank you for that. I sometimes feel silly and I guess self-conscious writing about my troubles. Plus, I don't want ya'll to think that I'm always a "woe-is-me" kind of person. It does help to have a place to write it out though.

[Nick N Ava's Grammy]

Kitty.. it's never easy to post feelings specially to open up in this type of arena, but it sure does help me when I write things down. I'm sorry you're going thru this, but like everyone said.. we're here if you need us. Take care Kitty.. I'm thinking about you.

[Kitty]

Thanks Donna! It helps to have friends to listen. BTW- I noticed you had asked on Kristina's thread about hooking up your WII Fit...and I just hooked mine up last night. It wasn't too complicated at all. Actually...there is really no "hooking up" required. You just have to synch it with your system and that requires pushing 2 buttons. The instruction book is very clear and the system actually walks you through everything once you get it up and running. I did 20 mins last night just playing around with it! It's fun...let me know when you get it going. Good luck!

[wingsfly825]

kitty, im just readind this thread now i havent been on much. Im so sorry for your great loss and the loss of your child. Grieving is a long process be easy on yourself. old habits always creep up on us in time of comfort. I myself am waiting for a phone call about a dear cousin of mine dying. While im waiting i have eaten cookies and chocolate.
If you dont have the energy to exercise which i totally understand take the walk . Maybe seek out a bereavement support group. Somewhere where others know exactly how you feel. Im sorry about your marraige being over in times like these im sure you feel it even more.
You need to do things for you, things that you will find comforting. Just take each day as it comes , some will be easier than others . Time does help . Post every time you want to share how your feeling.We are all here for you and sending you our prayers.. It will get better even if you dont feel like it will right now..God bless you now and always

[Lovemylpband]

Oh Kitty I am so sorry for the pain that you are feeling. Don't be hard on yourself let the feeling come to surface so you can feel them and heal. I know thats easier said than done.
Wii Fit is a blast I'm sure you'll love it the more you get into it.
God Bless

[bgrand]

Kitty, I am just now reading this thread as well. Don't know how I missed it. Prayers to you and your family. Stay in touch! We are all here for you. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, and if need be, one minute at a time.

[kristina]

well i feel like a cad..here u are over there on my crazy thread being such a doll..and i find this!!! geez-louise woman!!!! u are amazing. let me just say that losing a child should be the very last thing anyone on this earth should have to deal with. there is nothing worst. nothing. so after something that flippin hard--i would think God would give u a break and give you happiness every single day after, forever and ever amen. thats how it outta be..and me and Him are having a talk about that right now!!! cause it just inst fair about ur daddy...and its def. not fair about your marriage. the only thing i can do...is pray. and i will...and i don't know why i cant believe this myself...when i know its the truest thing i can say---u are not a woe is me girl..(cause i have been feeling this way myself lately) u are an amazing courageous woman going through hell right now. and if u don't come here..if u cant trust us with that..then we aren't doing our job as your friend. and i wanna be ur friend, ya know. i wanna be here to listen to you...cause if i cant reach out to you in person..the least i can do is listen...and i WANT to. so please keep coming here and putting ur feelings on the line...please. give us the chance to be of some comfort...we want to be. and i forgot to say- i am sooooo sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[brwneyedbeauty]

Kitty I am so sorry for your loss. We are all here for you.

Cheri

[lyndele]

Kitty,
Thinking of you.
Lyndele

[kristina]

http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa23/holymusic55/Holidays%20and%20Special%20Occasions/Sympathy/sympathy-Sosorryforyourloss.gif

[Kitty]

I myself am waiting for a phone call about a dear cousin of mine dying. While im waiting i have eaten cookies and chocolate. You need to do things for you, things that you will find comforting. Just take each day as it comes , some will be easier than others . Time does help . Post every time you want to share how your feeling.We are all here for you and sending you our prayers.. It will get better even if you dont feel like it will right now..God bless you now and always

I am sorry to hear about your cousin...death is so hard on the ones left behind. I appreciate your kind thoughts and words and am so glad to have this place to come. I have been very down again the last couple of days.


Oh Kitty I am so sorry for the pain that you are feeling. Don't be hard on yourself let the feeling come to surface so you can feel them and heal. I know thats easier said than done.
Wii Fit is a blast I'm sure you'll love it the more you get into it.
God Bless

Thank you for your thoughts. And I am having fun with my Wii Fit. I think it is seriously what is helping me to cope right now.


Kitty, I am just now reading this thread as well. Don't know how I missed it. Prayers to you and your family. Stay in touch! We are all here for you. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, and if need be, one minute at a time.

Great advice Betty! I need to remember this is SO many areas of my life. The band being one of them.


well i feel like a cad..here u are over there on my crazy thread being such a doll..and i find this!!! geez-louise woman!!!! u are amazing. u are not a woe is me girl..(cause i have been feeling this way myself lately) u are an amazing courageous woman going through hell right now. and if u don't come here..if u cant trust us with that..then we aren't doing our job as your friend. and i wanna be ur friend, ya know. i wanna be here to listen to you...cause if i cant reach out to you in person..the least i can do is listen...and i WANT to. so please keep coming here and putting ur feelings on the line...please. give us the chance to be of some comfort...we want to be. and i forgot to say- i am sooooo sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awwwwww...thank you....I wanna be ur friend too! And don't feel bad for missing my thread. I was glad to be able to give you support on your problems...it helps me to not think of mine! I think you are the amazing one, but thanks for saying I am.


Kitty I am so sorry for your loss. We are all here for you.Cheri

Thank you! It's so good to have you guys' shoulders to cry on.


Kitty, Thinking of you. Lyndele

Ya'll are so sweet! Thank you

[kristina]

i wanted to say too..after reading this whole thing all over again. don't worry about food right now...do what you have to do to get through this...dont feel guilty about anything! just heal your heart...u know from personal experience what its going to take- time.

[maggieD]

Kitty... I am so sorry that i missed your thread... I too so know your heart ache. I miss my Mom and Dad so much. I promise you there will come a time when the pain eases and all of your good memories and feelings will give you comfort. God is there for you ... embrace him and let him comfort you. You can only take this one moment at a time and give yourself this time to greive. My prayers are with you and a big hug as well.

[Kitty]

Thank you Maggie. I am so thankful to have so many good memories...I have always been close to my parents and feel blessed to have that relationship. As I have gotten older I have met so many people that don't have good parental relationships and it is so sad to me. Thanks for your thoughts!

Kristina...I have been trying to do just that and not worry about the food so much, but I also know that my dad was supportive of me having the band and thought that it was a great thing for me. I don't want to disappoint him and am actually trying to get in the mindset of making it to goal by his birthday, which is in October.

[kristina]

ur daddy is always going to be proud of u...but i do think that is a very smart goal. good luck love...i was banded in October and i think i should set a weight loss goal for my bandaversary!

[brwneyedbeauty]

Just checking in to see how you are doing Kitty.....thinking of you.

[maggieD]

Kitty... How are doing today? thinking of you...

[kristina]

lets do it together!!!

[sprintmom]

Kitty,
I'm sorry for your loss, I will keep you in my prayers, if you need anything let me know..If you need someone to call when your having those thoughts let me know, here is my e-mail address: ella.henson@va.gov, let me know.
Ella

[Kitty]

ur daddy is always going to be proud of u...but i do think that is a very smart goal. good luck love...i was banded in October and i think i should set a weight loss goal for my bandaversary!

I agree and would love to have you as a partner! We can hold each other accountable.


Just checking in to see how you are doing Kitty.....thinking of you.


Kitty... How are doing today? thinking of you...

Thank you both for checking on me! I really appreciate the love. I had a tough couple of days the past few, but knowing that ya'll are there for me is really helpful.


Kitty,
I'm sorry for your loss, I will keep you in my prayers, if you need anything let me know..If you need someone to call when your having those thoughts let me know, here is my e-mail address: ella.henson@va.gov, let me know.
Ella

Thank you Ella. I will definately keep your info.

[kristina]

so lets get started...we used to have buddies on here..betty started this amazing thread...maybe we can find it and bump it..but i wanna be ur buddy girl!

[Kitty]

I would absolutely LOVE to have you as my buddy! Thanks!

[kristina]

hooray!!!! how are you dealing with the loss of your daddy lately...how's your family?

[Kitty]

hooray!!!! how are you dealing with the loss of your daddy lately...how's your family?

Thanks for asking! I have been doing pretty well as long as I don't let my thoughts linger on him too much and I can't really look at any pictures right now. Mom has been blessed to have friends staying with her up until this point and so she has been doing great. This next week will be a test for her as she is now by herself, so extra prayers for her would be great!

[kristina]

will do. when my granny died...and i know it isn't the same...people would say to me when my so and so died..and i always felt like why are u telling me that..its not the same..and it isnt...but for me i couldn't think of her or talk about her or have anything to do with her for a year. it was the only way i could deal with the pain....
now i cherish the memories of my granny..and i talk about her all the time..and there are pics of her in almost every room of my house....its been almost 3 years since she left us now...
my point is...its okay to push away your feelings for now...ur heart has to deal with it in its own way...self defense mechanisms...
i found after losing her that losing a loved one is the worst pain we will ever face on this Earth. i will be praying for your mama...and you..cause sometimes its harder to watch the ones we love grieve than to even grieve ourselves isn't it?

[Nick N Ava's Grammy]

I so agree with you about being able to grieve differently. When my Dad passed 22 yrs ago (seems like yesterday), this is the time of year we found out he might of had cancer. In May they diagnosed him as actually having it, by June he was gone. This time of year is so hard for me.. I can remember sitting at basketball games that my son was playing, not even watching the game, my mind on my Dad. I had a breast biopsy done in May, and my daughter would drive me to see my Dad while he was so sick at home. My sisters and I were 'Daddy's girls'.. so it was very difficult for us to see him like this, he was always the caregiver, so hard for him to take the care. He fought that the most.

Kitty.. please know that your family is still in my prayers.. time helps, but it still is hard.

[wingsfly825]

sending you and your mom prayers kitty....

[Kitty]

Thank you girls so much for thinking of us! I really appreciate it and know that the prayers are helping us be strong.

[dannyh]

Kitty, I just wanted to add my condolences to the board. I am soooo sorry for your loss. Be patient and kind to yourself. It's okay to have "good" days and "bad" days. You will get through this and you are never alone - you have us and the angels that surround you daily. Remember the Footprints poem - you are being carried through this difficult time by a force greater than yourself. My prayers and well wishes are with you.

[Azuredreams]

I just wanted to say that Im sorry for you loss and offer a internet *hug*. I also wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Kitty]

Kitty, I just wanted to add my condolences to the board. I am soooo sorry for your loss. Be patient and kind to yourself. It's okay to have "good" days and "bad" days. You will get through this and you are never alone - you have us and the angels that surround you daily. Remember the Footprints poem - you are being carried through this difficult time by a force greater than yourself. My prayers and well wishes are with you.


I just wanted to say that Im sorry for you loss and offer a internet *hug*. I also wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.


Danny and Azure....thank you both so much! Your thoughts came at a great time. I was really missing my Daddy today. I had to drive downtown (close to the Medical Center) and it just made me remember all the trips I made there with him. A really cool thing happened while I was driving though...just as I was getting really sad about missing him...the sun started really shining in my window and felt so warm (not annoyingly), it was like he was smiling on me. Thanks again for your thoughts!

[wingsfly825]

He was smiling on you kitty , just like you filled his heart with sunshine when he saw you smile.............

[MoOrLess]

hugs Kitty! I always said my dad rattled the pots and pans in the kitchen cabinets when he wanted to be sure we knew he was around (and he didn't even like to cook lol)....and I can't tell you how many times his picture would suddenly "slip" off the shelf - I kid you not -- every time we moved into a new home (more often than anyone would believe lol) that picture would slip off the shelf...I felt like it was dad's way of making mischief and getting me to smile - and it worked!

I miss my Dad every day - I honestly can't say it gets easier - but it does get "different" and that's the best we can hope for some days. I totally understand that empty feeling you have inside....isn't it a comfort to know that he's up there smiling down on you every day.

[Kitty]

Awwwwwww thanks Teresa! It makes me feel so good to know how proud he was of me the last few years.

hugs back to you Mo! And thanks for sharing the memories of your dad. It is such a completely "different" feeling than I've ever had before, for sure. Sometimes I forget that he's gone and go to pick up the phone to call him and then there's stuff that happens or that I hear and I find myself wanting to tell him and then remembering....

Thanks for your thoughts though...it is a comfort knowing heos up there smiling down, but it's also a comfort knowing I have you all to keep me lifted up.

[MoOrLess]

Awwwwwww thanks Teresa! It makes me feel so good to know how proud he was of me the last few years.

hugs back to you Mo! And thanks for sharing the memories of your dad. It is such a completely "different" feeling than I've ever had before, for sure. Sometimes I forget that he's gone and go to pick up the phone to call him and then there's stuff that happens or that I hear and I find myself wanting to tell him and then remembering....

Thanks for your thoughts though...it is a comfort knowing heos up there smiling down, but it's also a comfort knowing I have you all to keep me lifted up.

For years I'd turn to call Dad...only to realize I could just talk to him anywhere I wanted - so I do (in my head lol)....and yes - that's what friends are for :thumb:

[WildAlaskaG'ma]

Kitty,

I lost my mama 20 years ago and my daddy 13 years ago. I can tell you that the pain does fade in time, and all the good memories will eventually prevail. However, that being said, there are three times of year when I miss them terribly ,,, Mothers' Day/Fathers' Day, their respective birthdays, and the anniversaries of their passing. With Mothers' Day coming up, I spent this morning being weepy and sad and thinking about my mama. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. It has to be excruciating, and I am sooooo sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and prayers.

[Kitty]

For years I'd turn to call Dad...only to realize I could just talk to him anywhere I wanted - so I do (in my head lol)....and yes - that's what friends are for :thumb:

Awwwww thanks Mo! I sure am looking forward to the possibility of getting to meet you this summer! And I love the thought of talking to your Daddy in your head!


Kitty,

I lost my mama 20 years ago and my daddy 13 years ago. I can tell you that the pain does fade in time, and all the good memories will eventually prevail. However, that being said, there are three times of year when I miss them terribly ,,, Mothers' Day/Fathers' Day, their respective birthdays, and the anniversaries of their passing. With Mothers' Day coming up, I spent this morning being weepy and sad and thinking about my mama. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. It has to be excruciating, and I am sooooo sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and prayers.

Thank you Judy (good name btw...it's my mom's name too!). And I haven't really let myself think about Father's Day coming up. I imagine those are hard times of the year though. I know for me, my daughter's birthday (and pretty much the whole month leading up to it) is really rough. Luckily, my brain blocks out the anniversary of her passing pretty well. I guess some things are just too painful. Thanks for the hugs/prayers/thoughts!