It's All About Me

[WildAlaskaG'ma]

I think we all know the data that shows that those of us who have been blessed with long-lasting obesity tend to always put others’ needs ahead of our own. Keep that in mind as you read my latest self-discovery:

I have known for years that I do not do well weight goal-wise when I make “promises” to others or join weight or exercise challenges. I have always found my greatest success when I set my own goals for myself and focus totally on those !!! I have only joined in 2 challenges on these boards, and I failed miserably at both of them, suffering from self-hate and guilt because of it. It needs to be all about me!

As many of you know, I have been focused on some serious health issues of my DH since the end of July. The stress of that was incredible, and I didn’t do well at all following lap-band rules until we were finally able to put those issues to rest on 9/11. Since then, I’m seriously back on track, and it’s paying off big time. See, it needs to be all about me!

I’m not saying here that I would do anything different with respect to changing my focus to Mikey when I had to. I couldn’t live with the “me” who would be so self-focused that she would ignore the serious needs of people I love. What I am saying is that I need to be very careful about what I allow to divert my attention away from my own needs & goals. And I need to recognize the price I pay when I choose to do that. It needs to be all about me!

Neither am I saying that being just as supportive to you-all as I can be is a bad thing for me. I get so much from all of you, and it is good for me to support you back. However, I do need to practice my own preaching and recognize that giving to others is healthier for me when I can give from my own full cup. The lord loves a cheerful giver, and I’m a lot more cheerful about giving when I am not ignoring my own needs. See, it needs to be all about me!

Okay, now to the real purpose of this post. I would be deeply blessed if you would spend a second or two and see if re-focusing your own life wouldn’t help you too. It’s not a bad thing to think of yourself first. In fact, I believe that in order to gain control over the monster that controls us, we all need to adopt the philosophy: It needs to be all about me !!

(She steps down from her soap box, bows to those who have read this long post and says ,,,) THANK YOU

[brwneyedbeauty]

aww that brought tears to my eyes. You are so right! It needs to me about me, too!
Thank you Judy for opening my eyes!


Cheri

[rhonda]

Thank you so much for that post WildAlaskaG'Ma. I think we all lose ourselves in the day to day of being wives, moms, friends, etc. and we forget to love ourselves as much as we love those around us. I needed to "hear" your message today because I often put myself at the end of the line and I pay for it later. Thus, the 100+ pounds I need to lose! Thanks again for the wake up call!

[SpookyJulz]

Judy,

You are so right!! I have said for along time now that, "I can't help anyone unless I help myself first." I've also said that we have the commandment backwards......instead of "love they neighbor as thyself"...we should be saying, "love theyself as you would love your neighbor." Many of us do not love ourselves, we take care of everyone else but we don't take care of us.
Thanks for the reminder.
Love ya bunches!!

[LoYoYo]

This is a great post and well-timed for what is going on in my life. This was the extra kick in the pants that the me in me needed.

[wingsfly825]

Thank you for the wake up call once again. I hope the issues with your DH have all been resolved. I am another one of those who put everyone first and rarely take care of me. I guess thats why im always tired could be from giving and carrying around the xtra hundred pounds. I believe i read a little while back something i found to be so profound and i believe it came from patrick ( i hope my memory serves me right) But he said even in airplanes they tell you that the oxygen mask has to go on you first before you can take care of your children. We all forget that without a healthy us we cannot give to anyone..... Thanks for the gentle reminder judy......

[Nick N Ava's Grammy]

Again Judy, you make a point that I need to follow. You have so much wisdom and advice inside you. I'm so happy that you can somehow put it out here, so we can learn from you.

Thanks so much for being YOU!!

Love ya!

[redgrldj]

Judy I can really relate to what you are saying.. This last week I have told my siblings and my parents that I will no longer act as go between for everyone.. Nor will I be trying to do everything for everyone.. If you guys had any idea of what an enabler I am.. Ughh.. My siblings are all at least 7 years older than me, but I take on all their problems.. Well lets just say no one returned the jesture during the last few months.. So for now I have voted them all off of the Pattie will fix everything island..

[DonHoll1]

Great post!! I really need to re-focus too. Thanks , Donna

[Nick N Ava's Grammy]

Donna.. I've been wondering how you are!! So glad to see you back online. :)

[Nick N Ava's Grammy]

Judy I can really relate to what you are saying.. This last week I have told my siblings and my parents that I will no longer act as go between for everyone.. Nor will I be trying to do everything for everyone.. If you guys had any idea of what an enabler I am.. Ughh.. My siblings are all at least 7 years older than me, but I take on all their problems.. Well lets just say no one returned the jesture during the last few months.. So for now I have voted them all off of the Pattie will fix everything island..
Ohh Pattie.. I'm so sorry you've had to go thru this during your cancer treatments. Big hugs coming to you.

See Judy??? You've touched our lives in such a positive way.. Thank you again!!

[Stitchy]

This may sound self centered a bit and I suppose it is, but we have to remember the WE are the center of OUR own universe. I don't see anything wrong with that. The problem comes when we become the center of someone elses universe.

[dannyh]

You are soooo right! :nod: I have a job where I often put others' needs ahead of my own, and at the end of one of those days where I have particularly ignored my own needs all I want to do is go home and binge. As if that is the "gift" I am giving myself - food and bingeing. Back in 2003 was the most successful I had ever been in achieving a healthy weight. And my mantra that year was, "2003 is all about me". Just goes to show that we all have to take care of ourselves before we take care of others. Thanks for the great post! :sun_smiley:

[Dirextor]

I am struggling tonight and reading this post made me realize that my modus operandi is what brought me to this station in life. I have been the mother, the wife, the big sister, the dependable daughter, the oasis in troubled times for countless people, I am the strong one, the rational one, the one that people feel confident calling in time of crisis because I project being rock solid.

But sans the anonymous folk on this board, tonight, I feel all alone. In reality, I feel guilty for investing this type of money and time in me. I have struggled with keeping a lid on my decision for fear of the negative repercussion that comes from those closest to you.

One of the first things my sister asked me was if I was sure I wanted to take this time off from work as we are in a difficult climate as government contractors and employees. The reality is, if I don't do this, I will miss more than two weeks in the very near future.

I have to remind myself that I am cocooning. My cocoon consists of all the circumstances in my life that I have allowed to close me in and isolate me emotionally, mentally... My cocoon could be a place of stagnation and defeat..but I am going to make the most of this dark place and allow the metamorphasis to complete.

My surgery is Monday, 9/22/09. My birthday is the following Monday. I decided that this is my "birthday" and my gift to myself. Quality of life, peace of mind, self acceptance and joy are all priceless...

But, its not free....

[Nick N Ava's Grammy]

It's hard for others to understand why we must do this for ourselves. Plus it's hard for us to accept the fact that we need to do something for ourselves. In the expense aspect of the surgery, you could tell her, that if you DON'T get this done, this could very well shorten your LIFE.. and how would she feel then? I had one family member kind of doubt my decision, but mainly it's because she AND her hubby need to have something done. I changed, they haven't, and it's making THEM uncomfy.. not me or my hubby (her brother). Soooo I guess my point is, trust YOUR judgement.. not anyone else. Sometimes (and most times it's true) when one person changes in the family, the others don't like it, because it forces them to take a look at themselves. Hard for them to take.. just remember.. you're getting healthy cuz you wanna live longer.

Stay strong and post your feelings, we'll be here for ya!

[Dirextor]

Thanks for the love and the understanding. The strange part is I know all of this and today I have a very different perspective on it all. Can't speak for tomorrow or Monday morning @ 6:00 am. ROFL!

But change does make people uncomfortable. That same (well only) sister has decided to wait to see how well I do and "NOW" she too is contemplating the surgery. Imagine that #$%&!

One more day and the deed will be done and I can get on with the rest of my life. My goal now is not to have to carry any of those little tell-tale medicine bottles around in my purse. I wanna be able to take my freakin vitamin in the morning and keep it moving:elephant:.

Thanks again.


It's hard for others to understand why we must do this for ourselves. Plus it's hard for us to accept the fact that we need to do something for ourselves. In the expense aspect of the surgery, you could tell her, that if you DON'T get this done, this could very well shorten your LIFE.. and how would she feel then? I had one family member kind of doubt my decision, but mainly it's because she AND her hubby need to have something done. I changed, they haven't, and it's making THEM uncomfy.. not me or my hubby (her brother). Soooo I guess my point is, trust YOUR judgement.. not anyone else. Sometimes (and most times it's true) when one person changes in the family, the others don't like it, because it forces them to take a look at themselves. Hard for them to take.. just remember.. you're getting healthy cuz you wanna live longer.

Stay strong and post your feelings, we'll be here for ya!

[chrispygal]

Judy, I have been struggling with this since I've been banded and it has derailed my journey more than once. I do a lot of volunteer and charity work, and I'm starting to want to pull back on it so I have time to exercise. And I feel guilty over it. My friends decided to throw a charity golf tournament for their mom, in less than two months, and because I can't let anyone down I've done 80% of the work. I was one pound away from onderland and now am back up because I've had no time to exercise, or I'm exhuasted, and the stress of it all is making me eat like a pig and now that I had a slight unfill it ALL goes down easily. Ugh. I know I just need to start saying no and putting myself first. I KNOW that I deserve it, and I know how badly I want to lose this 20 pounds and just enjoy my life. Thank you for this post and for the encouragement and permission to do what I need to do!

[CaribnQn]

Well said. I had to start putting myself first too. For years my kids were my world and they still are, but I don't neglect myself anymore. I learned to love me. I learned to treat myself to things. I learned that I had to be healthy in order to be there for them. I learned that they don't have to have everything and they will still be ok. You are absolutely correct IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU!

[mizfish]

Thank you Judy!