VERY negative co-worker

[mrs_christy]

Hi everyone!

I am not banded yet, and am not very good at getting negative people (about the band) to be supportive. I have a co-worker, and she is truly a good person. I say that because you TOTALLY aren't going to think so after I write this hahaha.

Today at lunch, my co-workers and I (1 which is still in the approval process for the band, should get an approval any day) are eating lunch and talking about my new surgery date. All 3 of us are overweight. She is 5'4 200 lbs. But she is DEAD SET AGAINST any kind of weight loss surgery. That is her choice, but me and my other co-worker dont share that opinion. Well the unsupportive one comes out and says "well I can't wait for you to get the band so you can lose your weight, all to gain it back 2 times over and be an even bigger fat ass than you are now." Please understand that she ALWAYS talks like that, she means no offense lol.

So I tell her that she is right IF I chose NOT to change my eating habits and current lifestyle. She says that I'm (excuse the language) "mind fucked" and that I need therapy NOT a diet.:crazy:

In part, she is right. She is right that alot of weight gain is mental and I understand that. But how do I get her to see things the way I see them and the way the other coworker sees them so we can get SUPPORT from her, not just negative feedback??? She calls herself the devils advocate. I say she is scared to be the only fat girl left. PLEASE HELP!!!

[Idahobeauty]

Christy, I agree with you. I think she is afraid of your success. I think the only way to gain her support, if it is at all possible, is to let her see the results of your weight loss. It sounds like she is a tough person to persuade. It also sounds like she does not have much real deep down respect for herself either. I think once she can see the success of others she will maybe change her tune.

[JoyceGA]

Christy, you have to close your ears to negative comments. In fact, I totally avoid people who are not a positive influence on my goal. Some people become jealous and will try to sabatoge your efforts. It is not a problem they have with you, but a problem they have about feeling good about themselves.

What you are doing is learning new lifestyle behavior by installing a band to make sure you are true to the promise you made to yourself.

If you cheat this lifestyle change, you will feel sick. You will change the behavior to feel better. Also, as you lose weight, you are able to see positive changes in your life.

Maybe avoid bringing up the band to this person, if you have to work with her and wish to remain friends. If she brings it up, change the subject or walk away. She is wanting to tempt you to fail.

If you are an emotional eater (as I was), read the books on emotional eating. You will learn new ways to deal with stress.

Good luck!!

[Diva]

She calls herself the devils advocate. I say she is scared to be the only fat girl left.


There's your answer. I would lay low about the surgery around her for a while. You don't need her negative energy.
If she busts on you again, tell her exactly what you just wrote. But say it laughingly but look her straight in the eye. "LOL..you're just scared you'll be the only fat girl left! LOL!"

She is way threatened and uber jealous.

She is going to be a continous thorn in your side. Just keep smiling but don't engage her. Don't try to reason with her, don't try logic or common sense. You'll be wasting air.

Remember: "Never try to teach a pig to sing, you'll waste your time and annoy the pig"

(One of my favorite sayings-don't have a clue where it came from but boy it's right!)

[Hondagal]

Christy,
I have the same problem where I work several of the women have said they want the surgery but they want to see if Im successful first.. Thats why I stick to this band for support here we have friendly people pulling for our success who needs them anyway...misery loves company

[chrispygal]

Christy, unfortunately not everybody in our lives will be supportive of our choice to get the band. Some people will be there to support us, and others will be there to motivate us to prove them wrong. I would avoid conversations about the band with this woman and let your success do the talking.

Of course, I loved what Diva had to say! Must be a Boston thang!

[503-250]

I have two women in my office, one is at least as big as me, the other one...an older woman is constantly dieting but eating bad food on her diet.

They are both very interested in the lapband and its information and my journey, but....the younger one is dead set against surgery out of fear. The older woman hints every once in a while that if I had will power I would not need the surgery.

I remained silent the last three times she has mentioned that she has gained weight despite being on a diet. She stopped asking me about my weight loss, but still constantly comments on my food. I still don't comment on the fact that he bag of chips and candy supplements on her diet are outweighing her salads and vegetables.

Just ignore the haters and stay focused on the task at hand. If she is negative it is her loss, not yours.

[Momotrips]

That is why so many are "closet bandsters". I have told my family and my best friend - and I assume that her husband knows, but I won't tell anyone else unless there are circumstances that may warrant it. Luckily I work with my sister and brother-in-law, both of whom have had the older version of the band and stapling. They understand. One of my nieces is really jealous and I'm sure will make some snide comments. However, she's just that way, so half of what she says is snide anyway. She knows more than anyone that she needs the surgery more than I do. She's also a "devil's advocate" kind of person. Whatever. I think it just means they are mean and argumentative, personally.

You just need to take people like that with a grain of salt, because they have bigger issues than you need to worry about. Negative people are such a drag. My best friend has a neighbor that hates everything and everyone and she has no idea that she's that way. Talk about issues - completely unaware of her own self. Your co-worker is probably like that. She just can't help it. YOU can help it, though, so stay away from her. If she asks why then flat out tell her why. Losing her "friendship" won't be much of a loss. You stay positive and work hard. It's your own personal journey to the best you.

[kelliebelly]

You know, I use to be worried about what people would think. Some of my bigger friends dont have anything to do with me now...but over the last few months Ive grown a "I dont give a hoot what you think" kind of attitude regarding my band.
All those people that were against it 18 mths ago can eat their words. All those that said I wouldnt lose weight, Id put it back on, I was taking the easy way out...yep they can all bite me.
People dont like what they dont understand or know. They dont know this definately isnt the easy way out. I have struggled, more so than any other diet I have been on. The food demons, adjusting to slow eating, small bites, no drinking with meals, head hunger etc etc its constant, it has got a little easier as time has gone on but it is still hard. This is no easy way out.
All in all I think either the person is jealous or cares about you and it is her way of showing how worried she is about it. More likely the first one though. I wouldnt discuss any aspect of the banding around or with her unless she specifically asks and only then if it is a nice question with no derogatory comments involved. Tell her you need people around you who are supportive at this time, not negative.

[Jachut]

Sheesh. I'd probably punch her.

I've just been over "the other side" listing to one old "geezer" going on and on and on about how the band is not successful and always results in complications, man it gets old. If you've got nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all is my opinion. I'd punch her too if I could but its kind of hard in another continent.

You will prove her wrong and its the only last word you'll ever need.

[DonnaB]

Sheesh. I'd probably punch her.

I've just been over "the other side" listing to one old "geezer" going on and on and on about how the band is not successful and always results in complications, man it gets old. If you've got nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all is my opinion. I'd punch her too if I could but its kind of hard in another continent.

You will prove her wrong and its the only last word you'll ever need.

LOL Jachut - I know EXACTLY who, er, what you mean! The little black cloud that rains all over everyone and everything!

Mrs_Christy, don't try to convince someone that what you're doing is right for you, it only set's up a cycle of 'you're wrong and I'm right'. I think the best thing you can do, if avoiding her isn't possible, is to ask her how her weight loss plan is working out for her. The definition of delusion is taking the same action over and over but expecting different results. We've all tried the diet and exercise plan - if it didn't work the last 20 times you've tried it, why would you think it will work on attempt number 21? Right? You're trying something different and expecting different results, and if you follow the bandster guidelines/rules you'll get your different results!

It's going to be great, keep moving forward and try to leave negativity behind.

[HeatherGurl]

Good luck to you. This is why I was a closet bandster for so long... I can not deal with people that hardly know me making snide comments about the lap band when they don't have a clue.
Seriously... she is probably very jealous of the success you will have and all you can do is what is best for you. Ignore it, I know easier said than done, but once you get all skinny you won't care what she has to say.:)

[Plainsneech]

I would like to add something deep and philisophical to this post but all I can say is screw her and give her all of your fat clothes as you shrink out of them Hahahahahaha!!!

[mrs_christy]

LMAO @ give her your fat clothes as you shrink out of them!!! :laugh: Oh man I am at work and I read that and started laughing, everyone was staring at me all funny hahaha!

Round 2 on the put downs?????

No! We were all at the table again for lunch and my co-worker that is having surgery said "ok Kelly what do you say" and she said "sorry I was so mean yesterday, I didn't really mean it the way it came out". LOL! So, she back tracked a bit saying that she doesn't down the surgery for ME, but she would never choose it. She said that she is glad we are doing something with our weight.

Sounds to me like my co-worker got read the riot act by the other for being so negative hahaha! Ohhhhh I love it. :heh:

[Kathy]

Christy, maybe she's lurking on b2g and sees all the comments...haha!

Pedal hard! Backwards! :lol:

[diane5467]

Hi Christy,

I had a dear friend who was very upset and extremely negative about my weight loss surgery as well. She could not understand why I couldn't just eat less and exercise. We wound up in a heated discussion and I told her I was not going to spend any more time defending my decisions to her and I hung up on her (it was worse because I had called originally to wish her a happy birthday). I wound up writing her a letter since I could not get a word in edgewise. In the letter I explained my decision was made, and she could either stand with me or not, it was up to her. I would not be spending anymore time with negative people. I explained to her I understood she was really with me, but just afraid for me and that I was more afraid of not having the surgery and facing a heart attack or a stroke. She wound up calling to see how my tests went and has been fine since. Your co-worker is entitled to her opinion, but I suggest not sitting with her unless she can keep her comments to herself.

[Barb]

I wouldn't mention the surgery around her anymore...she is jealous that she isn't having this done I am sure (from my experience).
Someone who blew me off while I was in the process....is now in the process herself! LOL So we are gonna be band buddies...I wasn't mad, I just understood that there was a jealousy issue. Its all good now!
Best Wishes on your journey....and remember, you still have us here!!!

[Maryb]

Never surround yourself with negative people! Refuse to listen to these na sayers. Positive thinking is the key to success.... and never ever give up on your dreams!

[shackdog]

Put all the crap aside, only you can make the decision that needs to be made, either do it or not its yours to make. For those that did make the decision I know that 97% would do it again in a heart beat.

Welcome and what ever the decision is its a grt one because you made it.