Help me help others...

[HeatherGurl]

Here's the story...
There are a few ladies here at work that are great friends of mine. They have the lap band and are not losing weight. They eat way more than they should and slime or PB a lot. They can't figure out where they are going wrong. I try to help them and tell them what they can do, (only because they ask) but it is like they don't get it.
I have been trying to tell them to listen to what their body is telling them... if you are physically hungry, then eat something healthy. If you are head hungry, go for a walk.

Do any of you have issues with your band friends similar to this and how do you deal with them? I feel horrible for them! One has gained 10 lbs since her surgery in Dec. and the other has lost 30 since March.

[kelliebelly]

Heather,
I have fought this battle big time and still am. I havent lost any weight in months and months because of it.
I read posts over and over here telling us the right things to do and I decide then and there to get back on the wagon and be good, it lasts about 6 hrs.
What I am trying to say is we have to make our own choices, if your friends arent willing to work with the band...they will suffer the consequences. Look at you, look at how far you have come, you are one model, successful inspirational bandster.
I just say, from my point of view to give them a few ideas and then let them go. Dont push, I find if I am pushed to much I go the opposite way.
I know it is my fault and I know I have to jump back on the bandwagon, I didnt spend all this money out for it not to work. I am sure if the scales started moving up I would jump on real quick, but for the time being I am maintaining and enjoying life so I dont have a major problem with it.
Well this turned into a long winded post about pretty much nothing so Ill wind it up.

[kelliebelly]

I forgot to add, let them know how serious the PBs are. Each time they do it they are at risk of slippage. Are they too tight? Or just wolfing down their food?
Again I reckon you can tell them the ins and outs of what they are doing wrong and how to fix it but once you have it is up to them whether they listen or not.

[Natural-1]

I agree with Kel, I have a friend that was banded the same month as I was and haven't lost a lot of weight and neither has she tried. Considering the things she eats, I told her she should be greatful to have lost 60lbs but she's not.

Anyway, I have learned (sometimes the hardway) to keep my mouth closed, when she ask for my opinion I give it and I am honest but other than that I don't say a word. People are funny and they don't want to here that the reason they are failing is because of themselves but for most of us, that's really the reason. Poor food choices and high calorie foods will get you every time even in small quantities.

I think people expect the band to do everything and they just sit back and wait on the results, well that's not how it happened for me, it's been hard work and dedication on my part every step of the way.

Like Kel said, tell them and then leave it lone. As time goes on, you just may lose those banded friends just because of what they see you doing. But for what it's worth, you keep up the good work and just maybe they'll hop on the band wagon.

[HeatherGurl]

Thanks for the help. I only offer them advice when they ask because I do know how hard it is to lose weight, but then it is like they get mad when I tell them. I think I wil just have to not give any more help.
I want to also say that I don't push or preach it to them (not that you were implying that Kel) because I know all too well how much that hurts and doesn't help.
I guess I posted this today because someone asked me something this morning, I told her, and she didn't like what I had to say.

Oh and Kel, the one that is PB and sliming is eating too much and too fast... I don't think she is too tight, she is just not watching what or how she eats.
Believe me guys... I still mess up and have the occasional slime. It takes a while to learn how to eat properly, doesn't it?

THANKS AGAIN!

[HeatherGurl]

OT~
Oh, and by the way Natural... check you out all under your goal weight and all!!! That is AWESOME!!!

[MoOrLess]

I agree - although not banded - one thing I find that works best is 'by example' and Heather you are the best example they will ever have of what success looks like! So keep doing what you are doing - and if they are smart they will follow suit. One or maybe two will actually (eventually) buddy up for a one-on-one with you when they get serious - or sadly, if one of them slips or loses their band -- sometimes people just have to learn the hard way - and sometimes it is just such a personal choice that no one can make it for them. The fact that you care about them is what counts. Just keep smiling and doin your thing!

[kelliebelly]

Oh yea, learning to eat slower is a hard task. I pretty much have it under control now because I know what happens when I dont. Its kind of just habit.
My problem is ice cream and chocolate. Always has been. Before the wedding I gave it up 6 weeks before and I did it. The night of the wedding I was straight into the chocolates I put on the table. I know I can do it, its just so hard.
I know you werent preaching, youre being a good friend, thats all we can try and be. Youre a good person for wanting to help these ladies, but they have to help themselves...and boy do I know how hard it is to help yourself if you really dont want to.
Heather you look amazing in your new pics.

[HeatherGurl]

Awww, thanks Kel!
I LOVE ice cream also. That is my TOM treat. If I don't have it I am a bear!!! BUT, I only eat a few bites now instead of the whole tub! :)

[503-250]

I am honestly baffled by people I speak to at meetings. I had a 12 day post surgery bander tell me their first PB experience. She was hungry before the meeting so she went to a fast food place and ate. Then of course...threw up. 12 days post surgery I wasn't even thinking about solid food...I was still yearning for mushy food. Who would even think about eating chicken nuggets or hamburgers 12 days out?

["Just" Paul]

503... you be surprised.

My doc told me the tale of a patient of his who, 5 days after his banding, had to have another surgery to remove the mostly unchewed hot dog from his stomach. He told the doc he JUST HAD TO HAVE ONE, on day 4 of his recovery... and ate it like he always did, woofing it down. he later told the doc he had actually cooked 5 hotdogs, and was preparing to eat them all, but the first one got caught, and was too big a bite to PB or remove any way but surgically.

[KariK]

OMG, I didn't even know that could happen.. having to have food surgically removed. Thank you for sharing that Paul, fear seems to inspire me lol. NO big bites for me... hopefully everrrr! yikes.

["Just" Paul]

They tried to remove it by usning a tool down his throat, but the bite was too big.

Needless to say, the doc was unhappy with him.

[barbara465]

THis is something I've been thinking about for a while, the fact that they don't deal with the real issues before getting the band. That is, what makes one overeat, gorge, etc. How much will power etc. The same problems that were there before banding are there afterwards. How you deal with them makes the difference.

I read these stories on here and ask myself "what are they thinking?" Do they really believe they will lose if they continue to do the same things as before? I'm too scared of what might happen to me, my band, to push the limits. Some are braver than me and just do what they want. The hot dog story above is a good example. He wasn't going to try and change. He knew he wasn't supposed to eat a hot dog so soon after surgery. The man could not control his impulses, his cravings, his behavior. I think we will hear more stories like these as more people get banded, yet are unprepared (mentally and by being informed).

I have PB twice. Both after fills that were too much. Both times I couldn't recover from it and went in for an unfill. I can't imagine living like that for weeks in the hopes that the swelling will go down and I'll lose weight. I'm too scared of doing damage to the band, my stomach, and my throat. I've read on the boards people eating food that they knew would get this reaction, but wanted it anyway. You can't help people like that because the problem is much deeper than eating the wrong food, or chewing too fast, or dinking with their meals.

We can only do the best we can for ourselves. Give advice when asked. How it is used is their business. If I can ask for help its because I want it. I've got to take the good with the bad, the honest with the sugar coating. If they ask I'll make suggestions. If they start "defending" what they are doing I back off. If they don't ask, I don't suggest. That's a hard one for me. :)

Getting off my soap box now. Just a trend I was tracking and then saw this thread. Oops.

[kelliebelly]

THis is something I've been thinking about for a while, the fact that they don't deal with the real issues before getting the band. That is, what makes one overeat, gorge, etc. How much will power etc. The same problems that were there before banding are there afterwards. How you deal with them makes the difference.

I read these stories on here and ask myself "what are they thinking?" Do they really believe they will lose if they continue to do the same things as before? I'm too scared of what might happen to me, my band, to push the limits. Some are braver than me and just do what they want. The hot dog story above is a good example. He wasn't going to try and change. He knew he wasn't supposed to eat a hot dog so soon after surgery. The man could not control his impulses, his cravings, his behavior. I think we will hear more stories like these as more people get banded, yet are unprepared (mentally and by being informed).

I have PB twice. Both after fills that were too much. Both times I couldn't recover from it and went in for an unfill. I can't imagine living like that for weeks in the hopes that the swelling will go down and I'll lose weight. I'm too scared of doing damage to the band, my stomach, and my throat. I've read on the boards people eating food that they knew would get this reaction, but wanted it anyway. You can't help people like that because the problem is much deeper than eating the wrong food, or chewing too fast, or dinking with their meals.

We can only do the best we can for ourselves. Give advice when asked. How it is used is their business. If I can ask for help its because I want it. I've got to take the good with the bad, the honest with the sugar coating. If they ask I'll make suggestions. If they start "defending" what they are doing I back off. If they don't ask, I don't suggest. That's a hard one for me. :)

Getting off my soap box now. Just a trend I was tracking and then saw this thread. Oops.


I dont want to start a debate here but coming from my side, if I got control of my demons before banding I wouldnt have needed the band.
I mean there are a few lucky ones out there who get there head hunger under control etc, but for most of us its a battle....a lifelong one.
So, I dont agree with your first paragraph at all.

[Barb]

My doc makes you go for a psychological eval before banding to see what your food issues are...he will band you, but you have to see a psychologist afterward on a regular basis to address your "issues". I think its a great idea, no sense in being banded if you aren't gonna change your habits.

I too can't believe the stuff people are eating on some of these support sites, what is the point of even having the band???

[barbara465]

Didn't mean to start a debate. I guess what I really was saying is that the band is a tool. Most will need something additional to work with it to be successful. Pushing the limits by trying to eat 5 hotdogs after surgery is crazy. The band isn't going to help him. Well, I guess it did stop him, but at a price.

If we abuse the tool and push its limits, then are we really getting anywhere? If we don't or can't make behavior modifications how will we use this tool? I battle head hunger everyday. I'm no different. However, I have a healthy dose of fear of offending the band. That makes me a little humble. What happens to me when the fear goes away?

[HeatherGurl]

My Dr. had a guy that ate steak the night that he had his surgery and it ripped his band out of place.
How dumb could you be to do that? No excuses what-so-ever for that one folks!

[Natural-1]

OT~
Oh, and by the way Natural... check you out all under your goal weight and all!!! That is AWESOME!!!

Thanks Heather, it's been a challenge staying there but I am happy to be at goal. I'm on the scale everyday making sure that I stay that way.

Anyway Heather, do what you can and the rest don't worry about, people will be people and they are properly very jealous of your accomplishments. You'll properly start feeling a cool breeze when they come by but that's OK. I get it all the time at work and with some family members but I have learned to love the haters.

Have a great day!

[KMO]

I agree with the band being the tool. My Doc always say the band is the tool but we are the mechanics that make the tool work.

It gets so frustrating at times when people just don't get it. We all know what we need to do to lose weight, eat right, exercise and drink enough water. We all have been through diets and some have even taken pills. With the band, we still have to eat right and so on but we just have the help of the band to feel full quicker.

I agree with a lot of you, people think that the band is some magic thing that works on it's own. The only advice you can really give to these people at work is pretty much what you've alread said to them. Food choice is key. The PBing and sliming can not be pleasant to do all the time. I know that after each fill i have an episode of some kind and then I learn that i need to eat slower than I did the fill before and make sure the bites I take are smaller and chew chew chew. Also, I always have some type of broth or sauce with all meats so that they are very moist.

I basically tell one of my banded friends who is having issues as well, that if she followed everything she learned at weight watchers, the pounds would melt away. Between her restriction and the healthy eating it works great. Heather, you can always make the one comparision that makes people think, in my opinion. Tell these ladies they if they ate a big mac, it could take them all day to eat it. but at the end of the day, it has the same amount of calories as if they ate it in one sitting. So without beating a dead horse. Food choice is what these ladies need to think about. You can only help people so much, if they don't want to help themselves than noone can help them.