Explaining the band to young kids

[Goannabanda]

One of the final things I need to do pre-op is to give my 5yo a better explanation as to why I am going to go to hospital for an operation next week. He'll also want to know what will happen during the operation and when I come home etc.

So far I have told him that "mummy is going to hospital to have a little operation to fix my tummy and that will help me to be healthier so I can run and play more with you". He has taken that in his stride, but I feel that he needs a better explanation closer to "The Day".

I want to give him more information, as he is a smart kid and will pick up on little things and worry about me if I don't tell him more, but I don't want to overload him with too much. I am trying to decide how much information he needs to know, and how I can best convey it to him in a manner that he will understand and that will not cause him to worry.:confused:

I would like to hear from those of you with small kiddies how you have let them know about your lapbanding and/or how you discuss lapbanding with them in your daily life.

[dawg]

Heya Go-anna :)

I can honestly say that I think (and this is personal opinion) that we over inform our children. Our three year old grandson has watched grandma reduce from 307 to 215 in the last 9 months without any confusion about who she is, or why she is shrinking.

I percieve my wife's massive reduction in size by touch perception. I know 'who' she is, and her huggability has not reduced. I just notice how much more my arms cross when I hug her.

I suspect at 5 your child is as informed as they need to be. You can explain more as time goes on. I would recommend re-inforcing the necessity for Mummy to have an operation in "it will help her feel better and be able to play more" and leave that right where it is.

Too much information can be scary. I'd recommend leaving what you have with comforting along the same lines, and bleed in more information over time.

That's my opinion :)

[Kathy]

Let's see, my daughter was 5 when I got my band. I told her Mommy was getting an opertion to have a band put around my tummy to help me not be so fat and to lose weight and be healthy. Since then, she doesn't notice a thing until I get stuck. She'll say "are you stuck?" when I stand up and lift my arms, pace, slime, whatever. This doens't happen often, but she knows it's my band. She gets it. Keep it simple with your son. I like what you already said to him.

What he'll be interested in knowing is when you are leaving, when you'll be back, and he'll need to know that you need extra rest time after your operation, so he should be a good helper and a good obey-er while you are resting. The world according to him...he'll want to know how all this effects HIM, not so much you. Know what I mean? He's 5. They are a bit egocentric at that age! LOL

[Momotrips]

I just got approval and I've been wondering what I should tell my boys. They are eight, so I know they would understand and ask a lot of questions, but I also know that this would be information that they would not be able to keep to themselves. Blab, blab, blab. My family knows and one of my friends. That's how I want to keep it. I don't want to share with my in-laws, as they are a wee bit antiquated and my father-in-law would be judgmental as he is in all things.

Sooo, I hate to lie to them, but I dare not tell them what my "stomach surgery" is for. I've been in for gallbladder surgery and two endoscopes, so they know that "stuff is not right" in my tummy. So I don't really have to offer them up too much information. IF I told them that it was surgery to help me lose weight, they would be much more curious. As they get older, I will be more willing to share more with them - when I can trust them more not to tell the entire world.

[NotSoFunny]

I sat down with my kids, and a big red rubber band and a ziplock baggie. we played with the baggie and water, filling it and such. then i put the band around the baggie and showed them how slow the water goes through when the band is tight. It was easier for them to understand with the hands on approach.

Andy always arbitrarily lifts my shirt looking for the big red rubber band. when i finally explained that it was inside me, he asked if I ate it. LOL

[Momotrips]

:doh: Help I ate my band!

That would be a hell of a lot cheaper...

[dawg]

WARNING - insane rant.
I think it's a fairly big judgement on our society where we have to feel justified at taking action against obesity.

While I appreciate it's hard to explain to kids 'why' we need WLS, it's sad that we even have to explain it.

I guess this is somewhat of a digression, but why should we care who knows that we elected to take control of our lives?

because we couldn't do it without a tool? Give them a frickin nut and bolt and say tighten that sucker down.

I'm ranting. Sorry :)

I guess I find a lot of passion in a thread that is basically "what should I explain...".

I am currently of the mindset of saying "because I don't want to die"..

insane rand over.

[Jachut]

Mine were older - 8 and 9 so I told them exactly what it was and why I wanted it done, but I didnt "justify" it to anybody. When my mother and MIL both started with the "why dont you give it one more try, before doing something so drastic" I simply pointed out that if I went in to have an op to fix my ankle nobody would bat an eye or question the necessity or worry that I'd die under anaesthetic and that this was NO different, I had a problem that surgery could fix and I was having surgery to fix it.

Of everything, that made the most sense to everyone.

But I'd probably tell a five year old exactly what you told yours. I didnt really tell Eliza anything much as she was not even 3.

[Momotrips]

Dawg, I agree, but I can only control myself and not society.

Two of our boys are on ADD medication and my husband waited over a year to tell his dad. He is a man that is always in total control and doesn't understand what he perceives as weakness. I just prefer not to get the 3rd degree and/or "the look", because frankly it's none of his business. My mother-in-law would just worry over me everytime she saw me out of ignorance. Let's just say she's "blissful".

As for the rest of the world, all they need to know is that I am eating less, exercising more and (hopefully) shrinking . This is a very personal thing that I'm doing for myself. I feel like I wouldn't tell everyone what kind of birth control I choose to use (or not), I don't think I should share my weight control.

I fully support all open and out there bandsters, I personally just don't want to deal with other people's hangups. If I have to wait a while to tell my kids details, then that's what I'll do.

Even my husband who supports me doesn't completely "get it" - he's never been more than 20 pounds overweight and can lose that in less than a month. He says things that start with "if you would just..." and I wanna slap him.

[Goannabanda]

Thanks gang for your feedback - sometimes in this mothering path, it's nice to have the reinforcement that you are heading along the right track.:happy:

I am with you on the not having to justify yourself thing Dawg - I spend most of my working day justifying environmental pollution controls by cobbling together bits of science, legislation and policy into some sort of coherent collection of facts. By the time I get done with that, I'm completely over wanting to have to explain myself to anyone!

I am blessed with my family, inlaws and the few friends I have told about the band, as I have not felt the need to justify my decision to any of them. They all know of my struggles anyway, so many were relieved and very excited when I told them. If anyone else wants me to justify myself to them, they'll be in for a long wait, because it ain't gonna happen!

But in the case of a 5yo - well, as Kathy said, they are egocentric, they absolutely want to know how things will affect their little world. I think that they need a little justification (or as I prefer, a different style of explanation) at times to help them to relate what is going on in their world to themselves. hence one of the reasons why I posted this thread.

On balance, I don't think the operation and recovery will affect him all that much. And reading your responses has been very reassuring that I've already told him enough, until he asks for more information. Life will be as normal as possible, mummy won't be in bed more than she needs to be, and there are plenty of things happening over my recovery weekend to keep him busy. Plus there's the little present of a "Veggie Tales" CD and DVD that mummy's got in her hospital bag for him... ...hehehe that should distract him for a while!!!

[Idahobeauty]

Anna, here is my suggestion and I have used this several times with my son as he has grown. I think you have done a wonderful job of giving him the "basics" in order for him to be comfortable with mommy going to the hospital. I think that from this point you should let him ask questions and then answer them with age appropriate responses. At 5 years old they are going to ask what is on thier mind so you will know what he is worried about. I would not worry about giving him too much information but definately answer his questions as they arise. This has worked like a charm with my son who is now 14. Hope this helps

[Barb]

I told all my kids right away. My youngest is 9 I feel that kids need to know why mommy (or daddy) is going to the hospital--it is scary for them as well.
And had I died during surgery, I would want her to understand that i died doing something important to me, I would not want bitter feelings for the rest of her life. We actually watched the banding being done online. That way if there were any questions we had plenty of time to address them.
When my son was 3 he saw my dad when he died-he died watching TV and my mom and son walked in the house and found him. For YEARS my son thought that people killed my dad---it was the parametics who were working on my dad. He didn't talk about it to me because he didn't want to upset me...i wish I knew that earlier. Don't underestimate your children --at any age. They know more than you think and are capable of understanding more than you think. If they don't hear it from you, sadly they pick it up at the bus stop or the playground. As a former playground aid, I can attest to this. I was banded 3 days ago and the kids are fine, even the 9 yr old, actually i think its great they knew ahead because recovery for you makes it easier. My 9 yr old is right there to help me...even when I don't ask. It has also taught her not to be afraid of hospitals. And, that surgery doesn't have to mean that you are gonna die.

[Goannabanda]

Update:

All went well with DS, he's quite the lapband expert now (in a 5yo way). I was chewing some gum today and he said to me: "Mum, what are you eating? You should be eating SOUP!" I nearly wet my pants I laughed so hard!! ROFLMFAO!!! Gotta love him (have to, can't / not allowed to do anything else with him... hehehe!)

[Kathy]

How cute and sweet! Kids are something else, huh? Glad he's adjusting fine! :lol:

[Momotrips]

I told my boys this week that next Friday I would be going to the hospital...because I was having a baby! Psych! I tricked them and they thought that was really funny. One looked like "Oh Lord, could my life get any worse?" He was mightly relieved that it was a joke. After that I told them I was really having an operation on my tummy - they could have cared less and had virtually no questions. There was one "Why?" and I told them it is somethng I need to do and they were fine with that. They didn't want any details and frankly, they don't really care what I eat or don't eat, as long as I don't eat the last of something they want. I've had several endoscopies and gall bladder surgery in recent years, so they just think these things are routine and normal. Perhaps if they were girls they would have been more curious or concerned, but they are typical, self-centered little boys. I'm so glad.

[Goannabanda]

Hey Mel - how are your boys going? Mine couldn't care less about mummy's operation or what I am or am not eating any more.

Yep - I am officially old news. Now he's got his mind on Christmas... (already!! yikes!)

[Momotrips]

Anna, my boys are typical. They are interested only in that they are fascinated by the fact that I am only eating soup, water, juice & gatorade this week. Frankly, they really just want to drink all my gatorade and run amok. I think they are taking advantage of my being so slow-moving. My husband had to leave town for business yesterday, but flew back by 7:30 - he was almost an hour too late for my sanity, but made it just in time! They are sweet, though. While in the hospital, they went with my sister to get me flowers and made me cards. The flowers are STILL beautiful - a huge basket of large pink roses, dark pink stock and stargazer lillies. They smell divine! They 1st insisted that I had to have purple flowers, because I love purple, but my sister told them that the lillies and roses were the flowers at my wedding, then they just HAD to have them. Train them young...

[Goannabanda]

aaaawwwww! They sound too cute! I had my DH away on a work trip during my recovery week, but I was spoiled by in-laws and parents coming in to help out. Plus I've only got one kiddo...