I need your help...please

[chattykathywlc]

Hi I dont know if I need reassurance or just a swift kick in the butt! Maybe both.:Cry:
Im feeling very frustrated in my journey :(
I was banded on 1-16-08 and have lost 31 lbs.
I think Im needing some serious head work. :crazy: My Doctor doesnt have a Psychologist or a Dietitian so I come here for my support and thank God Ive found you all.
The thing is I feel I should be so much further by now. Im having a hard time believing I will ever be thin. I look constantly at pics of ppl like Neil, Stitchy, TT Tami and more and am very inspired, but then the fear creeps back in "you could never do that"
I have a question for those of you have been successful? Did you hit these major bumps in the road where it seemed impossible? If so how did you overcome them.
I just want to eat, eat and eat more, but Ive held back most of the time. Im just mad at myself that I want to eat and binge, but Im thankful that the band stops me from totally gorging myself to death.
Im also frustrated with my Doctor. There seems to be no real support now that Im banded. Just go in when you feel like you need a fill, but no support groups or real instructions. Plus the fills cost 450.00 which seems outrageous to me, so then I get mad and stressed about the cost so I dont get the fills as soon or as often as I should. Im self pay. I may call the fill center but then worry if something happens will my doctor take care of me?
I think all of this stress and anger I have about the $ causes me to turn the anger on myself.
So any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
I wish we had a support group here in So. Cal.
Those of you who have a good support group are very lucky!
Kat

[Nick N Ava's Grammy]

Kat.. I've not been banded yet.. but is there some way you can find out if there is a support group near you? I attend two of them.. one by the Dr that will do my surgery, and another one I go with friends who have had bypass surgery, (in another city) but there are people there that have been banded. Maybe the hospital can suggest other Dr's that do this type of surgery and you can attend that support group. The groups at either place welcome anyone, you don't have to have a certain Dr to attend. I'm not sure if this helps or not, but I just thought I would suggest this.. and.. 30 lbs in 3 months is a good weight loss from what I understand. Hang in there.. K ?

[Stitchy]

Kat, I went back to look at my records. At 3 months post op, I had lost 27 lbs from surgery date. I did not count weight lost prior to surgery.

You are doing just fine. Don't be so hard on yourself. Yes, it can be difficult. You spent a lot for the surgery and the fills are part of the cost. Get your fills. Not getting them is putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Support groups? Never went. B2G was my only support.

I hear ya' about wanting to eat. I still WANT to eat. That's how I got fat. The band keeps the qty in check. The wanting to eat is the doing the headwork.

Good luck.

[Teal]

Kat, hang in there . . . I am another one of those s l o w loosers. I too feel as if I should have been farther along. I am consoling myself with the fact that at least I have not gained anything back. If I was on one of my numerous diets I would have failed at that so the band is comforting me. I still have yet to hit my "sweet spot" so I am going in next week for my 5th fill. Hang in there, it will happen for you :-)

[cincha]

Kat,

I was banded in October and have not lost as much as you. Sounds like it is not an uncommon problem adn I thinnk all of us wish we were one of those who it would come off of easy. Perhaps our expectations were too high. And yet I too have not gained anything and before the band I definitely yo-yo'd more so there is a change. I have had 4 fills and no sweet spot yet but I keep coming back here and sharing and knowing I am not alone in this battle is always encouraging. Don't give up!
Cincha

[SheryBery]

Kat, don't beat yourself up, hon! You're doing great! If you're like me, think of where you'd be without the band. 30 lbs UP maybe?? I'm 18 months out, and I still struggle with the head stuff, so you're not alone. Look at what you've done, not so much on where you think you need to be. If I look at how far I still need to go, I get discouraged. With 30 lbs gone, you should be feeling much better, too. Focus on those kinds of changes, not the actual number on the scale. And DO NOT compare your loss to others. We're all different and lose differently. Just be you, and try your very best, and you WILL succeed! And...oh yeah....keep coming here for support and encouragement! It's the best!

[JDru]

Kat you're doing great! Like Stitchy, I had lost about 25 pounds 3 months after surgery. Did you take measurements before your surgery? This is a great way to gauge your progress when the scale isn't showing a big change. Also, people who start out with lower BMIs tend to lose a bit slower. Don't give up...you can do this! :)

[CaribnQn]

Kat you are not alone in your struggle. Losing 31 pounds since January is excellent so as far as weight loss goes, you are doing well. I was at the very same point where you are 3 months after surgery. I don't know what hit me but it was awful. I felt like such a failure, I wished that I chose gastric bypass instead, I wanted to eat a hamburger (never really ate them before,) I felt frustrated, I felt empty/hollow, but I wasn't hungry, and the list goes on and on. Please be patient because things will start to look better soon. As you can see - the band works. I know that it worked and is still working for me - just look at my ticker.

[ate2much]

I hear ya. A support group would be wonderful. The support group from my Dr.'s office is supposed to meet tonight for a "pot luck and view pictures from some chick's trip to Thailand" And this helps me with my weight loss struggles - HOW?! All I have to say is Thank God for this board and some wonderful banders that give their 2 cents worth. :crowd:
If you can afford the fills - go for them - you paid for the band - now let it help you. Best wishes and keep posting!!

[chattykathywlc]

Thank you all for your reassurance and swift kicks in the butt.
Im glad to hear that many of you who have been successful were at about the same point at 3 months out. I think I have gone past my honeymoon period and now just need to stay the course and get on with it. I know the only thing that will limit my success is my thinking.
Also the last statement I made that said those of you who have a support group are very lucky....What am I thinking? I have a GREAT support group right here. so I am amongst the lucky ones!
I just watched the Biggest Loser Finally I have recorded. It made me feel better to see so many transformations and I know the only way they did it was with changing their eating and working hard, so I must push myself in that direction.
Again, thanks for the support.
Kat

PS My Doctor is out of town for 2 weeks so I will schedule a fill when he returns. Even if I have to put it on a charge card, I have to do it to have the band work.

[Stitchy]

Hey, Cathy! Here's a thought. Some places charge a lot less for a fill. What if you bought a plane ticket, got a fill and had a little vacation along with it?

[kristina]

Kat..not yet banded, but i wanted to tell you something my surgeon said. your chances of losing 100% of your excess weight is very high- because you are self pay. because i am not my chances of losing all of it get lower and lower..theres something about paying for it, and sacrificing for your health that is a huge motivator! makes sence to me. good luck..i will be thinking about u.

[Patrick]

Kat - you are right. Here is your support group. I was in full stall until I got on here. My life with my band has turned around 180 degrees since. I am losing weight at a steady rate (just a few lbs ea month) I am eating better and I am exercising. All things necessary for success. I would not be doing that if I wasn't reading and learning and getting some invaluable support from this site. Please stay here, keep posting so we can help you with your journey and join in the fun.
LIFE IS NOW BETTER THAN GOOD - IT IS GREAT!!!!!!

[little t]

I was in your boat until I was about 6 months out of surgery. I went back in my weightloss chart and I lost about 30 pounds at my 3 month point. Please do not put me, Neal, and Stitchy in a special club just because we are close to our goal. We have had a lot more time than you have had with our bands. That is the only difference between you and me. If you make the decision that you WILL do this, then you will! It is a daily struggle...trust me! Forgive me, for I have sinned. I admit that I had 2 Oreos tonight with milk. After I had the two, I had to make the decision to put it away and stop myself from eating another one. It truely is a life change that we all have to make for ourselves.

I think I went through a lot of my head work during this point in my journey. I would look at others on this site that were banded about the same time as me and I would compare myself to them. They lost more than I had and this frustrated me beyond belief. It drove me to eat cookies, ice cream and chocolate. This by the way is not the reaction you want. At some point, I just decided that this is not a race at all. I did this for my health. How long did it take you to gain your weight? It took me 12 years to pack it on. Why did I expect to take it all off in 9 months? That is an unrealistic expectation that I put on myself. Slow and steady has won the "race" for my health. In the beginning I did not think that I could do it either. I guess years of self loathing does that to a persons mental state.

I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel (so to speak). My advise to you is to make this your own "fight". Don't lose the weight to please anyone but yourself. Be selfish for the first time in your life and take time for yourself. Spend time away from the world and take a kickboxing class to get your frustrations out. Get mad at the bag and kick the crap out of it! You will feel great after you do!

I hate to see someone in the same mental state as I was. Don't give up! This is the fight of your life and you must believe in yourself in order to make it happen! If you want to talk some more, please PM me!

[Stitchy]

Tami - well put.

[chattykathywlc]

I love, love, love hearing from you all. Its so nice to have someone who understands my plight. I have a really hard time asking for help and am great at covering my feelings making everyone around me think Im just fine. So when I decided to post this afternoon, it was hard to reach out but Im so glad I did. Thank you all for making me feel welcome, you mean so much to me!
Kat

[503-250]

Hi Kat, I just posted about being depressed now...two years out.

I don't think it gets better, but at the same time...even now as depressed as I am, I know I am 100% better then I was 2 years ago. You are on schedule and doing fine. We can support you as much as you like, participate more here and you will find more people finding you. More importantly, check for other fill docs, $450 seems exceptionally high.

Also, hit the forums for support and see if there are any cali people here. I swear I remember a few wrong coasters hiding amongst us.

As for hiding feelings and being independent, Hi...nice to meetya, I am two years out and finally admitted I'm frustrated by who I am despite losing weight....that puts you miles ahead of me. If you can learn to get past that, you can get past anything.

[itsfinallytimeforme]

Hi, Im just about almost four months since my banding, and have lost alot and I counted the weight before and after just cus, I worked hard for every pound. You need to know that I was a bigger girl and the weight came off quicker than my friend who is like you much smaller. Its all relevent. We are all not the same. Our bodies will loose and gain at different rates. Do you know what is most important? That you did something about this epidemic that alot of americans suffer with today, which makes you a rock star as far as Im concerned. Check out other places for fills get it done band sister. You deserve to be thin and it might be impossible without them. If you have to get a second part time job just to support this band than you do it. What ever it takes, what ever you have to do to win this battle you do it!!!! The folks here have been my life line as well. Come here every night, read every post, follow the diet and when you want to eat, drink a glass of water, take a walk, sing, yell, get past it!!
I will stand by you here, everyone is here for your accountability. And do you know what? I believe that you can do this. You will win and I cant wait to see the results
Hang in there, your not alone ok?

Jo Ann

[chrispygal]

Kat you have gotten a lot of great comments, and I agree with all of them. I think the hardest thing to learn is to not compare yourselves with how others are doing. Some people do absolutely amazing and lose crazy amounts of weight quickly and are certainly inspirations to us all. Most other people lose much slower and that's ok too, as long as you stay on course. I was told with the band it would take 2-3 years to lose the weight I wanted to lose. I seem to be right on track with that.

I too was probably where you are 3 months out. Getting the right fill level was critical for me. It wasn't until my 3rd fill that I understood how the band was supposed to work and how it would help with hunger and keeping me full longer. So get your fills. They are so worth it!

Probably around 6 months out I really started mourning the loss of food. I could eat, but not in quantities that were really satisfying emotionally. It is tough to lose that crutch, but it forces you to find other ways to cope besides food.

Lastly, I have been on this board and other boards long enough to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that the majority of people who meet their goal are extremely dedicated to exercising. What Tami said really spoke to me - we DO control our own journey and how quickly we lose the weight is up to us. Life will get in the way and deter us from our path sometimes, but we can decide that we are important enough to stay the course and put in the effort.

So keep your chin up - you're doing great. Getting the band is not the easy way out, but it does work. I am so glad I read this thread this morning - it has motivated me! This is how support groups work - and I love it! :)

[WildAlaskaG'ma]

Kat:

Thanks for posting this thread. Just reading your input & all the fantastic responses reminds me over again why I love B2G so much. This is the best support you are ever gonna get, girl, bar'n none !!! I don't have a local band support group either. I'm the only person on this island who has a band. I do a lot of testimonial work to others ,,, but so far no one has taken the plunge. So I cling happily to B2G and feel that I do get all the lap-band support I need right here. Where I do get a LOT of local support is from people in my water aerobics class and others I meet on the cardio equip and in the weight room. Maybe you could broaden your search a little to include "support" like that. We don't have a support group per se, but the in-the-flesh support is there just the same.

But I also wanted to mention how "together" I think you really are. You may not realize it as you struggle with one issue after another ,,, however, you do seem to have a lot of self knowledge and a pretty good understanding of the problems you face. Owning the problem is a HUGE step toward solving it. I have no doubt you will have a successful journey, and I wish you the best of luck !!!

Judy

[Diana57]

Here's my two cents worth. I love this group, they are my support, I read it religiously and appreciate all of you.
I've been banded 4 months, lost 32 lbs. and struggling with it. I haven't really lost much this last month. But you all have convinced me that I keep going. Keep getting fills, keep trying, keep exercising.
I was trying to lose weight by my August vacation and it was putting pressure on me that I did not need. It will take a while, I need to not put a time span on it, that's why I didn't enter any of the challenges this month.
I wish I knew this all before I was banded. I expected to lose 2 lbs. a week. I had it all counted up- (I lost 17 lbs. before surgery).
So I should be down 50 lb. by now. But this group has shown me that my expectations were too high (misled by what I read).
So, I'm re-evaluating it and going forward.
I would not change getting the band, the bypass is too dangerous and too easy to gain weight back, and too fast. If it wasn't for the band, I would have gained weight, not lost it. I lift weights and ride my bike and counting calories, all new for me. I plan to spend my summer break at the Y!
So, don't get frustrated, just keep moving along. Frustration leads to falling off the band-wagon, and we are famous for that, that's how I got to 317+ pounds in the first place!!!!!
Love you guys!!!!!
di

[WildAlaskaG'ma]

Diana: I hear ya, sista. Due to my early success, I have come to expect myself to lose a minimum 2# a week ,,, and this month when I'm definitely NOT going to make that goal, I gotta deal with my disappointment. I was sooooo hoping that I would be under 200# by the end of April, and I'm just not going to make it. I also don't participate in the weight-loss challenges because of not wanting to set myself up for disappointment. I too computed when I started: Let's see, 10# a month ,,, I can be down to my goal weight by so and such ,,," And I really thought I had turned my attitude around ,,, and I was breezing right along and could lose sooooooo well ,,, and now BRICK WALL TIME !!! Please know that I'm NOT sniveling about it. I'm not a sniveler in general, and expecially NOT when I've enjoyed so much success up until now. I just wanted you to know that hearing about your experience and those of others like you, helps to inspite me and gives me the guts to keep on truckin no matter how little I might lose. Thanks for posting. Judy

[Diana57]

I guess no matter where we are in this process (except at our goal weight) we are never satisfied. Which is probably a good thing coz it makes us keep striving to do it better and get the weight off.
di

[Stitchy]

Ok, guys. I went back to my chart. I was happily chugging along for the first few months. Feeling pretty smug!!

Then, September came along. Take note here. Four month mark. Held at the same weight for FIVE weeks.

November came along (six months). A new weight which I held onto for SEVEN (count 'em - SEVEN) weeks). :faint:

The pattern continued but for only about 3 weeks at a stretch because I finally started getting fills.

I guess my message to all of you is that it goes in spurts. Not steady, but if you will hang in there, it will come.

[chattykathywlc]

Wow you guys are great! You know just what I need to hear, I guess since you've been there. Judy, thank you for the awesome encouragement and reminding me that I do have it together, although sometimes I doubt it LOL!
Stitchy, thanks for looking back at your records and sharing with us. When I see my weight plateau and stagnate, in my mind equates with failure and that is where I would start regaining in the past. But Im seeing its all part of the process and its ok, whats not ok is to quit.
Diana, I too plotted out my 2 lbs a week and when I expected to reach goal, but I need to wrap my mind around the fact that it will vary and if I lose slower Im not failing. Im working on that.
I appreciate everyones support and suggestions and am so glad to be part of the BEST support group. Wish I was going to NC in a few weeks to meet you all.
Have a great night!!!
Kat

[chattykathywlc]

want to bump this thread so Gabrielle can read it, not sure how to attach it to her thread...hope she sees it