Journaling emotions with food

[Greeneyetiger]

Has anyone done a food journal that you write about your feelings before and after you eat? I read that this is a good idea when you struggle with head hunger. I am starting one. I probably should have done this a very long time ago, but I guess better late than never. I need to get a hold on my emotional dependence on food and what it does for me or doesn't do for me. My one year bandiversary is coming and I am no where near where I hoped to be in my weight loss. All my fault. But I am getting a hold on somethings and getting back in action.

Thanks for any advice or input.

Tina

[Dustbunny]

Good for you Tina. Are you going to use paper or Spark People to keep track?
When I was pregnant with Mike 15 years ago, I kept track of every bite or drink of food that passed my lips,along with meds and feelings, health issues. They put me on insulin and a restricted diet for the duration.
I would love to do the same now, It's so helpful.
Please let me know how you're doing with this.
This is really takin' charge. Yea Tina!
Deb

[Greeneyetiger]

Hi Deb,

I am using paper for journaling my emotions but sparkpeople for my food intake. I will use paper to write down everything I eat and then transfer it onto sparkpeople when I am at the computer. Then I will be able to see what I need to change. I want to keep my calories no lower than 1400 and no higher then 1600. I don't want to drop my calories too low because I don't want my body to go into starvation mode. I think I messed up by doing this before, even though I was told to by my NUT. I want to try and eat 5-6 small meals a day. This will be a challenge when I am not home. I will have to think of meals on the go that are nutritious. Fresh fruit and nuts will be good. I have to be careful with nuts though and make sure I only take 10-15 with me because I will eat too many and the calories with nuts are so high...ugh.

I am working out at the gym, though the past couple weeks I have not done so well with demands witht he holidays. Will get back this Thursday.
Sometimes the exercise helps my RA and sometimes I am hurting so bad I have a hard time doing the exercises. But I have found that on the days I am hurting to do stretches and the bike.

My biggest thing is learning to be patient with myself.

Thanks!!

Tina

[Dustbunny]

You know, we are all quick here to tell others to be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up over mistakes etc. What we all need to learn is to apply those words of advice to ourselves.
There's a balance for me with exercise, I have osteo in the knees and fibromyalgia all over, more is not always better. That recovery time stops me from exercising every day, sometimes it hurts just to move. I need to listen to my body more, and learn to quit when I have done enough.

[Greeneyetiger]

Deb,

I can relate to hurting all over. I get so stiff and just sitting for 10 minutes hurts when I get up to walk. It takes me a few minutes to straighten up and get my legs to move sometimes. My RA doc has me on 3,000 mg of Sulfasalazine to help the RA and hydrocodone for pain. I don't take the Hydrocodone everyday but she wants me to use it more because of the pain I am in. She has me getting blood work done every 3 weeks and seeing her every 4 weeks right now. I feel I live at the doctors sometimes. My next step is a more potent auto-immune suppressant drug called Methotrexate. I am nervous about taking it though because she said it can make me more suseptible to colds and viruses. So, I am trying to tough it out with the other med. But I hate taking 6 pills a day of that med and all the other meds I take. I feel like a real pill popper..lol.

You are so right, it is easier to tell others to be nicer to themselves than to be nice to yourself. I am working on not beating myself up. I do have to rest from exercise and take a day or so off from it with the pain I am in but I am hoping to find some kind of balance if I can. I know exercise is a big key to losing weight. All we can do is our best, right?

Tina

[DonHoll1]

Good luck Tina. I have always been an emotional eater, and i have had to really work on this since i got my band. I write down what i eat and try hard not to eat to my feelings, but only to real hunger. Best of luck. Donna

[pageturner]

I am using a journal to write about how I am feeling about my eating and to keep track of when thing go wrong so I can try to identify what the emotional trigger was for me.

I am also going to start psychoanalysis for these issues.

[Dustbunny]

pageturner,
Congratulations on knowing what kind of help you want and going after it.
Good for you.

Tina,
How's the journal coming? What kind of journal are you using?
I need to start journaling my food and vitamins, probably something that fits in my purse would work for me. I've had the most luck with a bound book that is lined and the size of a paperback. Sometimes picking the journal is the hardest part. Deb

[SpookyJulz]

pageturner,
Congratulations on knowing what kind of help you want and going after it.
Good for you.

Tina,
How's the journal coming? What kind of journal are you using?
Sometimes picking the journal is the hardest part. Deb

Deb~
I can totally relate to finding the right journal. If it is too small it's hard to write things in. If it's too big it's bulky and I won't use it. So far I've not done well with journaling.

Tina~
I think journaling your food and feelings is a really great way to understand yourself and your own eating habits. I am an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm having fun, I eat when I'm bored. I am becoming more aware of it and journaling it would help me see which emotions are the really problematic emotions and if I tend to eat more junk during different emotional times.

I also have RA and fibro. My RA Dr told me to exercise for about 20 min at a time and if I am achy the next day that I've done too much. The trainer I've been going to is very aware of health issues also and he makes me tell him how I've felt after working out. So, I really watch that.

I am also on Methotrexate and Humira. I have never really felt like it helped long term. My Dr wants me to keep taking it. I have considered going to a new Dr because I'm just not happy with who I go to.

I really understand about being patient with yourself. I am very hard on myself. I beat myself up really bad. I have always had a job. Did community work. Lot's of activities. Lately, I have just sat at home and done as little as possible. It's so hard to be so inactive when you are used to being so active and independant. My back issues are getting better and I can walk and exercise for the first time in 14 years. I've just had to do what I could and allow myself to heal.

Pageturner~

I have been going to counceling also. It has seemed to help so much. I've gone before but it took me awhile to find the right person. It's just like Dr's you keep going until you find someone you like and trust.

I've had 25 years of stress to work out. It's not easy and it's not easy asking for help. The problem I've had is bottling up the emotions. Now I'm dealing with years and years of anger. I keep saying this....At least I can still smile and laugh!

[pageturner]

Julz and Dustbunny, thanks for the support. I too have had counseling, which has helped tremendously. What I realized is that I have a few more things that need to be faced, felt and moved through before I can continue to improve the choices I make regarding how I do or don't take care of myself. Here there are:

1. Face the pain of years of emotional neglect.
2. The loss of my family when my mother died when I was 15. I have a brother and father, but we can hardly be considered "a family." We are a text book case for what happens when a parent dies young, particularly when the mother is lost, who typically holds the family together.
3.What I am afraid of in being healthy, fit and at a normal BMI.
4. Afraid of being desirable by men (even though I am married. This scares the crap out of me)
5. What if any "benefits" and I use that word losely being obese gives me, for example it reinforces all the negative messages I hear about my apperance when I was a child. This was a classic case of others projecting and transfering their own issues onto an innocent child.

So, I have my work cut out for me to work through the emotional issues and the behavioral issues that come along with using food to cope with loss, anger, rage etc.

Psychoanalysis can be particularly grueling and usually appointments are held 3-5 days a week. It can be of a short duration or a long one. It all depends on the issues being dealt with. I'll keep you posted as to what happens and if it is useful.

[Greeneyetiger]

Deb~
The journaling is coming along fine. I have a hard cover spirial notebook with lines in it. I write about whatever feelings I need to and also for what I am feeling when I want something to eat when I am not physically hungry. Then if I do eat anything when I am not physically hungry I write down how I feel afterwards. So far it is helping not eat as often when I am not hungry. I jouranal my actual food intake and calories on Sparkpeople. My feelings go in a seperate journal. In the feelings journal I also put in what activites I have done and my bodies reaction to the activity because of my RA and fibro. It is just the beginning of my journaling so I will have to see if in time this helps. I really think it will. I like doing it so far.

Julz~
I eat for any reason also, happy, sad, and bored. But I really eat a lot more when I am angry, hurt or lonely. I think I need to be careful with the exercise. I want to be able to exercise as if I didn't have RA or fibro but I have to except I have to be careful and do what I can and not push beyond that and hurt myself. I am struggling so much with my weight even after this surgery, so I feel like a big failure. Yes, I beat myself up a lot too, but I am trying to not do it so much. Hopefully soon I will be a good friend to myself and be nicer. I go to a counselor as well. It helps, though she doesn't deal with food and eating issues. But it helps to talk about my life problems. My insurance won't allow me to see 2 different counselors, so I can't go see this one and see another one that helps with eating disorders. I wish I could.

How does the Methotrexate work with you? Do you feel sick a lot with it, like you have a cold or the flu? I am nervous about taking that. I have a bad kindney too, not so bad that I need dialysis but it is half the size it should be and functions 30% and my other kidney functions 70%. I tried taking Lyrica for the fibro but it knocked me out on a low dose so I couldn't take it for the fibro pain. I have been feeling more pain and stiffness lately but I think the cold weather has a lot to do with it.

Pageturner~
I too had to go through dealing with neglect, child sexual abuse and rape when I was younger in my counseling sessions. I just went over some things a couple weeks ago and my whole body was shaking so bad from being upset over the topics. My teeth were chattering like I was freezing or something. But I had to talk about these things to heal. It is a hard process. Take it slow and don't rush the process. Let us know how you are doing and how the counseling is going. Hang in there.

Hugs to all

[SpookyJulz]

Tina~
Working out with our diseases is good for us. It keeps the joints moving and keeps the muscles from tightening. However, you can exercise too much or too long and cause yourself to be in more pain. You don't want to be in bed because you've done too much.
I like the idea of journaling you RA symptoms and how you feel after activity. I tried to do that before my back surgery. I think it may have helped my disability case if I had continued to do it. I was on so many drugs that I forgot to do it.
I have gotten sick easier with the RA meds. If I am around people who are sick I get it easier. I haven't been sick so far this winter. But, I'm not around many people right now.

DB~
I decided to get a nice journal to write down my emotions dealing with food. It wasn't expensive but it's nice. I think that to have a healthy relationship with food, I need to treat it like any other relationship....I need to respect food, value it, honor it, and know when I've had too much of it.
I got a small notebook journal to carry with me to write down food. It's small but I think it will work to notate feelings and food to transfer.

Pageturner~
I have come to that conclustion also that I need to face these issues before I can truly make the changes in myself that I need to make.
I spent so many years taking care of everyone else. Thinking what would be best for everyone else and how everyone else would do things that I haven't been able to make my own decisions. Or think for myself. My ex basically abandoned us. But, wanted the control of telling us what to do. He still does it. I have had to think for myself for the first time in my life.
5 months after my divorce my oldest son died. That was 6 years ago. I have not been able to work. Because I would stress out or get sick. I have felt totally irresponsible.
I am afraid to lose weight for similiar reasons to yours.
I am afraid of being healthy because if I don't feel well will I have an excuse for saying No to things.
I am afraid to get a job because if I need a break what will I use for an excuse.
I am not as afraid of being desirable to men. I used to be. But, I was divorced long enough that I was able to make male friends. But, I have had a hard time with that also.
I had an aunt who didn't like me, and made fun of the way I dressed. It doesn't really bother me now but I know that was one of my eating issues.
Once as a adolescent I was making french fries for a bunch of people, a friend of my parents told me, if I ate all of the french fries that I would be fat. So, out of rebelion, I ate until they were gone. Even though there were at least 5 other people eating them.
When I was younger than that. My grandmother told me I would weight 250 Lbs is I ate a bag of popcorn.
I know my eating issues are very emotional based.
I don't want to fear to outweigh the benefits. But, I have had a difficult time moving on and past the issues.

[pageturner]

What amazingly intense stuff we are all dealing with. I think the head hunger and facing the issues you both so courageously listed is the hardest part. I can identify with "chattering teeth" emotional pain. I have come to realize that this is the next step for me. I have to expereince and move through emotional pain to get to where I need to go.

The therapist I wanted to see emailed me tonight and is going to call me over the next few days to set some times to see me. In case anyone wants to check her out, she is a psychologist and psychoanalyst whose work I qoute in my dissertation, here is a link to her work, she specializes in helping people transform suffering into wisdom.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polly_Young-Eisendrath

http://young-eisendrath.com/

Julz, I like your idea of listing these things. I might start a new thread on this subject. I too have experienced abuse like you describe from your ex. I bet you can do anything you decide to. Knowing these things intellectually is so different I think than knowing something emotionally. My assumption is that when we deal with the fear and the emotional aspect we can begin to make progress step by step celebrating these sucesses along the way.

Let's keep supporting each other!

Andrea

[SpookyJulz]

Andrea~

I looked up the website. Polly sounds very interesting. I am very interested in her books and her therapy. I will be looking for them.
I know that I have learned so much from my experiences and that I have progressed but some things just don't seem to go away.
I know that this is a subject that many have gone through and that we all can help each other with.

I have tried to deal with all of the stress on my own. I finally decided I couldn't do it by myself anymore. In fact that was the reason I was banded. I needed to lose weight and I just couldn't face doing it by myself again. It felt like a last resort. Although I haven't lost a lot of weight I feel that I am changing things and eventually I will get on track. It will just take longer than I expected. I have to realize that I can not compare myself to others and that I have had a lot of road blocks along the way.

[pageturner]

Julz, I think it is important for each of us to take our journey on our own path. I have to remind myself not to compare myself to others who lost massive weight in the first six months or year. Glad you found Polly interesting. The first book I read of hers was The Resilient Spirit. I read it five years ago and it really spoke to me. I think that is a good one to start with. I haven't read all of her stuff. Some of it is going to be academic as she is expected to write as professor. She is a professor at the University of Vermont where I did my doctorate.

It's great that you are changing things. I am too. Bit by bit and that what matters it will all add up.

It looks like we are similiar in the BMI's we started at and where we want to go. That with the other issues we can identify with, I am sure we can be a good support to each other as we move along.
Andrea

[Greeneyetiger]

Pageturner~
I am very interested in reading what Polly has written. In my one psychology classes I did a report on Carl Jung, so I am familiar with his theory. I am a psychology lover to begin with. I would love to read what she has and see what I can take from it for my own growth. What do you have your doctorate in?

Facing and dealing with our pain from the past isn't easy at all. Unfortunatley, sometimes that is what we have to do to grow. Why can't it be easier. One thing is for sure, we are all strong ladies.

Julz~
I am glad you realized you can't do all this alone anymore. There is help for all of us and I am glad you reached out. That is a big step when we are caretakers and do everything ourselves. We deserve to have help along the way.

I haven't lost much weight either during my time being banded and it has been almost a year. But I too have to stop and think about my road blocks and not to compare myself to others. It is hard to do when we beat up on ourselves all the time. But I think beating myself up has been one of my own road blocks. I have to clear the path and be kinder to myself. Your not alone and we can all do this together. The imporatant thing is we are making changes within and the weight will come off when we have done the other work we need to.

[SpookyJulz]

Andrea~

I looked up The Resiliant Spirit. Seems like a really good book. It was't very expensive so I think I will order it.

I noticed that we were close BMI's etc. I think that those of us who seem to be struggling can really help each other out and be supportive of each others different situations.
Tina~

Learning to ask for help has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Being sick for so long has forced me into asking for all kinds of help. I have been my worst critic. I have had to learn not to beat up on myself. I have had to learn to say "No" to family and friends. It's hard but for my well being I have to.

[Greeneyetiger]

Ok, I need some advice. I have been doing the journaling and dealing ok until yesterday. My bf bought chips and ice cream to watch the football game. I have been good at staying away from the things he brings in the house. The chips he can hide the ice cream has to go in the freezer. I tried so hard to not eat any and I cried and actually had the shakes from not having it. Is this all in my head. I felt like I was feening(sp?) for it.
I did break down and have a cup of it. I felt so much better after having it. The problem was I had another cup 2 hours later. Then I made myself stop. How do I make myself feel better about not having something I want even though I know it will not make things any better in the long run?

Also, another question. I haven't been to my surgeon since Sept. and I need to go back for a check up. I was thinking about getting a small fill, but I am afraid he may put in more than I want or it will restrict me too much. I don't want to be too tight because that causes me to eat soft high calorie foods just to not feel physically hungry. I am having a hard enough time staying clear of high calorie foods without being too tight. Should I get a small fill or stay where am at until I work more on my head issues? I do have some restriction and have to eat slow.

I feel so embarrassed about facing my surgeon and his staff because I have gained 5 lbs since they seen me last. I am so behind on what they expected of my weight loss. I am trying not to beat up on my self but it is hard not too. I failed myself and the doc too.

[itsfinallytimeforme]

You know what? Five pounds gained may just mean you need a fill. You are going thru the fight of your life!!!!! There will probably be ups and downs and getting support and recomitting to what we are to do is all you can do. We are addicts to food, all of us!!! So go back and see your Dr on a monthly schedule, write in your journal, walk thirty minutes every day, drink your water and follow the rules of the band every day!!! If you feel like your faultering, come here, write on the board, read everyone elses posts gain strength from everyone here. The scale cannot make you a terrible person or a failure. You came here, pat yourself on your back, you are trying again, pat yourself on your back!!!!!! I am so proud of you for just trying, keep strong, your gonna be ok!!!

Jo Ann

[Dustbunny]

Tina;
I have been messing with the same pounds between 198 and 205 for 5 months. You are not alone, I don't consider myself a failure. I am not gaining, my band is working with me there. Let's give finding the sweet spot a good chance and see if we don't do better losing. I go to the doc tomorrow. If you want ice cream go to the store and find the most yummiest sugar free no fat or low fat ice cream you can find and put it in the freezer, keep it on hand, have some when the BF eats his. Keep SF pudding around or anything else you yen for on hand. You don't need to feel deprived. You can't eat some things that work against your goal of losing weight. They aren't in your best interests. Take care of yourself, don't feel deprived, find a way to treat yourself that works toward your goal. Go SF and low or no fat, but have treats. Would the BF consider having his treats when he's away from the house or buying a single serving size to be kind and help you through this tough time?
I'm so proud of you for working to figure this all out. It isn't the easy way is it? Deb

[Greeneyetiger]

Thank you so much Jo Ann and Deb~

I am so frustrated is all. I don't totally give in with my diet, but I give in enough that my progress stalls. I am making an appointment with my surgeon today. I am sick with a bad cold so I may see if he has something next week. I should be better by then....I hope!!

I am going to do fight and lose this weight. I am going to stop being down on myself and start again with eating sf snacks and healthy foods. I am so glad I have you all to help me with my fight. I am here for you too if you need me. We all can do this together.

I know this cold is kicking my butt. I feel miserable. It is the common cold, sneezing, running nose, ithcy watery eyes, sore throat...

I have had this for 3 days so far. I don't know how long it will last. My man had it and it lasted him 7 days, but he started to feel better in 4. He still has a few sniffles lingering but he can get out of bed. I am just so weak and in a brain fog from it.

Thanks, both of you, for responding to my post and giving me your advice and support.

Tina

[JDru]

Hey all. I haven't been writing anything on this thread, but I've been reading it and relating to everything you're saying. I think part of the reason I haven't written anything is because I don't reallly want to deal with my feelings right now. I feel myself slipping into self-destructive behavior (emotional eating, alcohol, etc) and I guess I've kind of been in denial. Anyway, I really liked what Julz said a couple of days ago:



I think that to have a healthy relationship with food, I need to treat it like any other relationship....I need to respect food, value it, honor it, and know when I've had too much of it.

I think it's time to start working on loving myself again...

[Greeneyetiger]

Jessica,

I know dealing with feelings and making changes is hard and scary. Especially when you find comfort in these self destructive behaviors. It is sad we do find comfort in things that hurt us. But I know what you mean. It is taking a lot for me to face these feelings. I don't want to be fat anymore. I didn't want to be fat before or during my operation either, but I have to get my crap together or I am going to die of obesity health related diseases. My dad died of a heart attack when he was 44. I am almost 40. I am getting scared. I hated to eat when I was younger, well I did it to survive not to comfort myself. I had a pretty good relationship with food until my dad died when I was 17. Then I started eating more fast food. I found comfort in the steak subs and the fries with gravy. I started using these foods as self medication. I have been on many different anti depressants but they don't give me the comfort I get from food. So this is going to be a hard and long road. I will have this battle all my life. I am just hoping at some point I get it under control enough that it won't be as hard as it is right now. I am going through so many ups and downs with my feelings and it is driving me crazy.

Having support here is a life saver for me and I feel very blessed to have everyone I do here on the board. I wish no one felt the things I do, but at this same time it helps to know I am not alone.

I liked what Julz said also about having a healthy relationship with food.

Keep hanging in there and post your feelings to us. We understand and maybe we can help each other through this demon we carry around.

Hugs,

Tina

[JDru]

Thanks Tina! Your words mean so much to me. Sometimes I don't know where I would be without the people on this board! We'll get through this together! :)

[SpookyJulz]

Thanks Jess~

I was taught that I was last. As a former church goer I was told that you did not pray for yourself you prayed for everyone else. I was taught that if you give to a charity or someone who is needy you give away your best. If you have 3 good shirts and one is a little better and is your favorite you were selfish if you kept the favorite shirt. Consequently I became last in everything. If I had something to give I gave it away. Including my energy, my power, my respect for my myself.

Not only should we have respect for food, but we should have a respect for everything we have a relationship with. Including ourselves!

[DonHoll1]

Wow Julz, I can so relate to that. I am such a caretaker that I don`t even know what I need or how I feel most of the time. I am single now, so I am trying to focus on my needs and taking care of myself. I am really afraid of facing my feelings about food. I have used food to keep from dealing with feelings for so long.Losing all this weight has brought up a lot of issues for me and now I can`t use food to shove them back down. On the outside I look a lot better, on the inside there is a struggle going on. Donna

[Dustbunny]

Hey Julz, you're really deep. I've been reading you responses tonight, you put a lot of thought into things.

[SpookyJulz]

Donna~

I was banded April 2nd, 07. I have had ups and downs...seems like mostly downs. Health issues are a big problem. I have continued to have food issues even though I am banded.
I started counceling a few months back and many of the issues I had with my ex husband are still very prevelent. I was married for 24 years and have been divorced for 6. He was controlling and I'm finally admitting that he was verbally and still is verbally abusive. I have defended him for so long, I didn't know how not to. He screwed up our finances so bad that I lost 2 homes, 2 cars, filed bankruptcy twice and numerous other financial problems. That were never, "his fault." I was blamed for all of it. And I was left to clean up the messes after him. I hid behind food as a way to comfort myself.

I am also the caretaker. I have been Mom and Dad to my kids. Even when he was around. If it was a bike that needed fixing or a kids tears...I was there to take care of it.

I am now with a wonderful man who treats me like a Queen. We had some financial problems at the start. He's an iron worker and there was no work for a long time. I gained almost 60 lbs after we met, because we both love food. But, he loves me anyway. He's been through all of my health ups and downs. But, he loves me anyway. He's seen me eat till I was sick, But, he loves me anyway. He gave me a sponge bath in the hospital after my back surgery when it was hot and I smelled bad...LOL but he loves me anyway.

I've been with him for 3 years and if it wasn't for his persistance in loving me I wouldn't be with him because I did not know how to let him love me. It's just been recently that I have let go an allowed myself to really love him and to let him love me. The way that I should be loved. No excuses....I'm not too fat to be loved, I'm not too sick to be loved, I can't work but I am still worthy of being loved. I deserve to be treated like a Queen. I deserve to be loved UNCONDITIONALLY! Not just by him and other but by ME!!

DB~
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?:wink2:

[Dustbunny]

It's good. :0)

[Greeneyetiger]

Julz,

You have been through so much and you have given all yourself away fro so long. I know it will take time to feel confortable giving to yourself but I am glad you are starting to. Because you are right honey, you deserve to be treated like a Queen by yourself and others. Keep up the good inner work. You are one strong lady.

Tina

[Greeneyetiger]

I have been using my journal and it is helping. I did miss writting in it for 2 days but caught back up. I am still not writing down all my food intake. I have had a crisis happening and I am exhausted from the stress. I have, however, lost 4 lbs in a week. I do know I am eating less calories and I am making sure I eat small frequent meals. My food choices are better too. Some things I still need to get rid of but I am getting better at it slowly. I am shocked with my crisis happening that I haven't gained 4 lbs. I am stressed to the max. I am too depressed to actually worry about eating. That is a BIG switch. I usually eat a cow when i am depressed and stressed. I just know I want to lose this weight.

I wanted to give you all an update on me and my jouranling and fighting to not over eat.

I don't think I am going to get a fill yet. I think I just need to eat better quality foods, eat slower and stop when I need to. My band is stopping me still without it being too tight. I can only eat 2-3 bites than have to rest to let my band open up some to finish my saucer of food. I don't want to get real tight. So I will see how things go for the next 3-4 weeks with my weight loss if I stay on track. If I lose I am fine. If I don't lose I will get a fill. Decsions, decisions...UGH

[pageturner]

Hi All, I think this thread really gets at the issues. Emotional eating and facing all the reasons we did that isn't easy. I know it is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Here is what I know. When I do healthy behaviors, I lose weight and feel great. When I don't I gain weight and feel bad.

I realized in my first eight months after being banded that my problem wasn't what I ate, but rather how I ate and why I ate. I started psycho analysis recently and the progress I've been making is good. I am able to feel feelings I previously stuffed down with food and alcohol. I still do this at times, but not nearly as much. I finally have been able to break the barrier between knowing what I do is bad for me emotionally and really feeling what that impact it. This has been key in my recovery. And, that is what I am in recovery. I expect it to be life long and a constant battle. Some days I will win and other days I will lose.

I have lost 25lbs since July. Not a great deal, but fantastic for me. I have to be very careful not to compare myself to others on this board. I have made the decision that I am not going back to my surgeon until I get to 199 unless I need a fill. I am at 220. There is a nutritionist there that pushes all my buttons. I need to feel a successful weight loss before I can go back there. I need to get to this goal first.

Andrea

[SpookyJulz]

Tina~

I know I must be strong (although I don't feel like it). Most people would have been committed by now with what I've been through. I just have to keep "cowboying up" and stick with it all.

I've been good about journaling my food and my emtions lately. Jamesa posted about a food and activity journal she had found. I found one, by the same company, that I can also journal how I am feeling that
day and my meds. It's great because I have 1 book for it all.

I've been going through a really bad bought of Fibromyalgia. I found a good book on it that goes into a protocol for diet and a medicine to take for it. I've been doing the diet and trying to change some everyday items we all use. It is quite a process. But, I think I am going to give it a shot and really work it because i can't continue to live like this. I had a horrible migraine and felt terrible for 3 days and was in bed most of those 3 days. I never know from one day to the next if I'm going to feel good enough to even go out of the house. I had 3 appointments Wed and 2 Thur that I had to cancel because of it.

I dont' want anyone feeling sorry for me. That's not my intention. It's just nice to have a place to vent and let it out with people you trust and who understand.

[Dustbunny]

Hey Julz:
I get a massage every two to three weeks and Cindy stretches my muscles back out and gets rid of of trigger points etc. That's mainly how I deal with my fibro. There is also guafinesin spelled wrong, but it is the active ingredient in Mucinex and some cough medicines, it does something that really helps with fibro. Do a google on fibromyalgia and guafinesin. There is probably a lot of info on it now. I found it to work really well, it's like your muscles feel lubricated or something. Otherwise, I pretty much just live with it and do what I need to, once you accept the pain as part of your life, it doesn't seem to call so much for attention. I don't know if that makes sense,but when you accept it and don't fear or dread it, you are more in control. :0) Deb Thanks for the ride home!

[SpookyJulz]

Deb

When you started guai did you go off salicylites? The book says that salicylites block the guai.
I started on guaifenesin, I was able to buy it at the pharmacy fairly cheap. I know that the Mucinex is a longer acting and tends to help longer throughout the day.
I've done quite a bit of research on it since I bought the book. I think it must be working because I have felt terrible and they say that is the first sign of it working. With me it's more of the Chronic Fatigue than the pain. Sure I hurt but I've come to realize that is going to be part of my life for the rest of my life. I can't do much when I have a migraine because it get so bad that I can't see very well. Otherwise I can deal with the pain. The migraines, and overwhelming fatigue are my biggest problem.

My daughter is going to massage therapy school. so far I haven't had her give me a massage but I will have to start.

YW for the ride home!! It was my pleasure!!

[Greeneyetiger]

I can certainly empathize with the pain of fibro. I have RA, fibro and deal with fatigue all the time. I try not to let it get to me but some days it won't let you not notice it.

I went to the docs today and their scale is always 7-8 lbs higher than mine. Which is right? Mine or theirs? They said it is probably because I have more cloths on when I weigh at the docs office. But 7 lbs??? My man got on our scale and said that it is his normal weight, so I should go by our scale. I don't know.

I know between the weight loss challenge, dealing with depression issues, then physical pain on top of it all is unreal, but we all are basically in that boat.

Still journaling and working on behavior modification with my food. The scale is telling me I lost 6-7 lbs in a week and a half. I am waiting for a plataue. Hanging in there and trying to keep things consistant.

[spiketvl]

Donna~



I've been with him for 3 years and if it wasn't for his persistance in loving me I wouldn't be with him because I did not know how to let him love me. It's just been recently that I have let go an allowed myself to really love him and to let him love me. The way that I should be loved. No excuses....I'm not too fat to be loved, I'm not too sick to be loved, I can't work but I am still worthy of being loved. I deserve to be treated like a Queen. I deserve to be loved UNCONDITIONALLY! Not just by him and other but by ME!!



Wow that was really powerful. I am going to take that away today and mull it over. I think that better be my motto for 2008.

[SpookyJulz]

[quote=Greeneyetiger;107964

I know between the weight loss challenge, dealing with depression issues, then physical pain on top of it all is unreal, but we all are basically in that boat.

Hanging in there and trying to keep things consistant.[/quote]

I can relate. It is a vicious circle for me. If I don't eat I get sick (hypoglycemia). If I'm in pain or can't sleep, I need to take meds which make me extremely groggy the next day. If I eat the wrong things then I am in Fibrofog and can't think talk or type. Then if I am in that state I go into depression.

If consistancy is the best we can ask for right now that's fine by me! I will take it!

Thanks Donna...that makes me feel good!!

[Dustbunny]

JUlz: I thought trying to think causes fibrofog! Not really . what foods cause it? i get it a lot.
What book did you read about guafinesin? I used it in the late 90s when I read about someone in Oregon using it on people with good results. I forgot about it for a long time used it for a while and forgot it again.
So there's a book on it, what is it called? I guess I need to google it myself. Deb

[SpookyJulz]

Deb

LOL!! Thinking never has been a strong point for me!!
The book is "What your Dr May not tell you about fibromyalgia." by R. Paul St Amand

It's not that certain foods cause it. If you are hypoglycemic then carbs will cause the hypoglycemia to be worse. Hypoglycemia has similar symptoms as fibromyalgia. But for me I think the carbs actually make the fibro worse.

There are some foods, hygene products, and medicines that will block the guaifenisin so that it doesn't work. The protocol is quite intense but I'm working at starting it.

[CREEKER]

I can relate. It is a vicious circle for me. If I don't eat I get sick (hypoglycemia). If I'm in pain or can't sleep, I need to take meds which make me extremely groggy the next day. If I eat the wrong things then I am in Fibrofog and can't think talk or type. Then if I am in that state I go into depression.

If consistancy is the best we can ask for right now that's fine by me! I will take it!

Thanks Donna...that makes me feel good!!
HI,
I HAVE FIBROMYALGIA, VERY BAD OSTEOARTHRITIS, ALREADY HAD ONE KNEE REPLACEMENT AND NEED THE OTHER ONE DONE. I GET SHOTS IN MY BACK AND HAVE IT SEVERAL OTHER PLACES. I HAVE CHRONIC PAIN AND AM ON PAIN MED'S AND DEPRESSION MED'S AND A FEW MORE. I'M NOT SURE IF I AM HYPOGLYCEMIC BUT I HAVE A HARD TIME EATING REAL FOOD I NEED KINDA SOFT FOOD. DO YOU HAVE A HARD TIME EATING REGULAR FOOD? I CAN'T EVEN EAT CHICKEN OR THINGS LIKE THAT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'M 5 MONTHS POST OP AND I HAVE ONLY LOST 40 POUNDS AND I'M DESPERATE TO LOSE MORE. I STILL LOSE SOME MONTHLY BUT I WILL HAVE TO WAIT 2 YEARS TO GET TO WHERE I WANT TO BE. THAT'S A BUMMER. I DON'T GET ON HERE MUCH SO IF YOU CAN EMAIL ME AT REDRUNNER61@AOL.COM THANKS FOR LISTENING. CREEKER OR SHARON

[SpookyJulz]

I finally have restriction. I am at my "sweet spot". It makes such a huge difference. Before I was hungry all the time. I felt like I had 2 stomachs and that the bottom one was always hungry. It would get so hungry that it hurt. So, I would eat. I really wasn't eating a lot but I was eating things that weren't healthy. But even when I did eat healthy I didn't lose.
No wonder I gained back over half of my weight.

The Doc just didn't seem to understand that everyone is different. I get HUNGRY. I know some people don't after they get banded. But, I do!!
Once I got good restriction I started losing again. I have changed some of my eating habits. But mostly it's just that I can't eat as much so I want things that are good for me that will stick with me for more than an hour.

I think I have finally gotten my head wrapped around this whole thing in the right direction. LOL!!

I've been feeling better...have a bad headache today but the weather sucks and I pulled something in my back so I haven't been able to exercise. Will get my back taken care of tomorrow and hopefully by my wedding on Feb 29th I will be down to almost where I was when Tom and I met 3 years ago. That would make me a happy girl!!!!