Frustrated -

[Maryb]

"Whining"
I have gotten to the point that people are telling me not to lose any more weight. I tell them my Doctor wants me to lose more, and they go ballistic.
Here are some of the comments:
"You can't afford to lose anymore weight"
"Your wrinkles will look worse if you lose more weight"
"You look Skinny enough to me"
"You don't want to look Anorexic"
"Are you sure your Doctor wants you to lose more, or do you want to lose more"
"Don't put your health at risk by losing too much weight"
"You have lost more weight haven't you"

I don't like to lie, but I am tired of people asking me about my weight loss. I am even tired of people complementing me.. except you guys who walk in my shoes.

[DonnaB]

Hi Mary,

There has to be some way to tell people to back off that isn't offensive, and isn't uncomfortable. I just wish I could tell you what it is! lol Maybe a simple, "it hurts my feelings that you're critisizing me this way." Sounds a little lame, but I bet the judgement and comments would stop. Ooh - I know - you can tell them that you've succeeding in losing weight by learning to listen to your body and doing what's best for it, and that's what you're going to continue to do, thank you very much! lol That one works for me, but I'm pretty much an in-your-face kinda gal.

Just a thought.

Sorry you have to deal with it at all.

[Maryb]

Thank you DonnaB! I forgot one more that I got today...
A lady tonight whom I haven't seen in about a month asked me how I lost so much weight, so I told her I got the Lapband. She said "You didn't look like you weighed enough to get a lapband." I said "That comment is exactly why I didn't tell anyone I was getting it."

[HeatherGurl]

Wow Mary! I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I know exactly what you mean.
To all of us, you do look like you are a healthy weight... but your weight is COMPLETELY between you and your Dr.
All of these people making the comments to you probably knew you when you were heavier and it is hard for people to make the adjustment of how they view you.

Can you imagine people telling 219 lb me that I am skinny and should not have much more to lose? HA!!! They haven't seen me nakid. I am just A LOT smaller than I have ever been in my life.

I am interested in what people have to say to you about this here on b2g because I will be coming out of the band closet in 2 weeks at my cousin's wedding. I am scared to death of the comments, but I am going to tell them EXACTLY how I am losing weight.
Best of luck to you, and I think you are a beautiful woman that has a mind that is smart enough to take care of herself.

[Mrs Sabre]

Mary,

I wish I had something witty or insightful to offer, but unfortunately I don't. Having read your experience, I hope I don't regret telling people of my surgery when I get closer to my goal weight?

We have to do what's right for us ... what is going to make us most healthy and happy. I regret that other people are so insensitive to our struggles.

[Natural-1]

Hi Mary,

I am in the same boat as you regarding the comments about not losing anymore weight. I've been told that my bones are sticking out and I have gone to far. I've always had small bones so with the weight lost it shows even more.

I doubt if 177 pounds is small but I think when you've been as big as I was, this looks really small. I have learned not to comment when people have something negative to say, this is my body and I am the one in control. My only concern is my hubby, he want's me to stop. He asked me just this morning, have you lost more weight? I said yes, only a pound or 2 so he just looked at me and shook his head. I really am not trying to lose anymore but my body is just in that mode, I'm just trying to maintain.

I think because people are so use to seeing us bigger they can't see us as normal size, they just think we have gone to far. When I was 200lbs people were telling me then I needed to stop. What is skinny about a 200lbs person, nothing!

Anyway, I don't have any advice but I will say do what is comfortable to you. No one knows other than my immediate family that I have the band cause I just didn't feel like explaining. I go through enough just with the weight lost.

[NotSoFunny]

I have people that tell me all the time "Just be careful that you don't get too small. maybe stop around 200" Has 200 become the new skinny? LOL it is frustrating, an people are always going to focus on what is going on with us and our weight because it is hard to hide. My line is always "my goal is something that has been prescribed by my doctor to keep me at optimum health. Its about health, not appearance for me. But thank you so much for your concern. It is nice to know that you care so much."

I have also had people tell me that I was too small to get the surgery. That cracks me up cause i am REALLY not too small. My BMI was over 50, and my weight was over 350. how is that too small?? LOL but on the other hand I have others that make comments like "Its about time!" some people just don't unerstand how the words sound.

[Maryb]

I am interested in what people have to say to you about this here on b2g because I will be coming out of the band closet in 2 weeks at my cousin's wedding. I am scared to death of the comments, but I am going to tell them EXACTLY how I am losing weight.

I came out to my extended family just before a family wedding. I was glad I did because people left me alone. So here is what you do... Every family has a blabber mouth. Email this person and tell them all about your lapband and how much weight you have lost. Of course they will tell everyone else in the family for you without you having to ask. Stick a picture brocheur in your purse that shows what the band looks like and how it goes around your stomach in case some nut case thinks it is in your throat like my sister-in-law.

I am glad I did it this way. My family has been great! It is all the non-family that bugs me.

[HeatherGurl]

Thanks for advice Mary!

[Loving-It]

I would just stop discussing it with these folks. If they say you don't need to lose more weight don't tell them your doctor wants you to, just say ok or something generic to end the conversation. I hope things get better. (((Mary)))

[Maryb]

I have to come up with a generic response and practice using it. I know how I am, if I don't I am going to go Postal on some poor unsuspecting person. I just hate lying! I could be evasive and just smile and say "Thank you for your concern." Or Make a Button and wear everyday that says Don't Ask Me About My Weight Loss!