Ignorance Or Bliss?

[diana j.]

I read an article in a magazine at work last week, dealing with people who are "Ok" with their weight. They mentioned some plus-sized model who was saying how she was very comfortable being a "big girl", comfortable with her looks, her size, her career, her sexuality.
I wonder....is this for real? Or do people convince themselves that it's "Ok" and just accept being obese.....like there's nothing to be done about it.
I watched this girl at the lake yesterday..........she was way overweight and about 25ish.....she whipped off her shorts and top to swim and sun....and she had on a tiny....I mean TINY.......bikini. And I wondered about this....was she comfortable with her bulk or was she unaware or how she looked?
I find it hard to believe anyone can be ok with being obese. I find it easier to believe they just don't know any better or maybe just don't care. Why would anyone be ok with being..........well, fat?
Anyone have any thoughts on this? :confused:

[GirlWithIn]

I just think sometimes people have no ideal how they look when they try and wear these little trendy belly showing and crack showing clothes. I have always hated being the center of attention and I know my weight was a big reason I've wanted to hide and not be seen, and I be darned if I am going to wear anything that brought attention to myself.

I for one have never felt "comfortable" living in an obese body.

[stac1982]

I've never been one to wear some of these crazy outfits for big girls. My mom and I have a saying. . .just because they make it in your size does not mean you have to wear it. But saying that, I can see where the plus size model is coming from. Even at my heaviest, 310, nearly a size 26, most day I felt pretty good about myself. Yes I knew I was that big, but I still liked myself. My husband married me big and has always though I was sexy and my parents were always wonderful about telling me how beautiful I was. I know that these things help me have great self esteem.

I was banded to loose weight to be healthier in the long run. Of course I feel even better now. I like myself even more, family is worried my head is going to get way too big. Just because we are overweight, fat, big, obese, what ever word you want to use, doesn't mean that we can't still love ourselves. I loved myself then and that is also one of the reasons I chose to be banded, I loved myself way too much to not stay around as long as possible.

I was okay with being fat. . .of course I am even better with being thinner! :)

[Will]

Yep, it's totally a health issue for me. I know my worth heavy or thin.

[Alicia521]

Stacey that is funny. I say the same thing. Tube tops that show fat rolls do not look good on big girls no matter how confident they are. I was never comfortable as an obese woman. I don't understand how some of these woman can be so clueless when the pick out clothes!

[diana j.]

Stacey....I understand your point about self-esteem....well taken....I too have not have not had self-esteem issues, in that I'm comfortable with my intellect and ability to communicate with people.....but I think self-esteem and self-image can be seperate issues because when it comes to what I wear in public and how I conduct myself around other people...I've always been aware that in certain situations, I would be seen as a fat woman and conducted myself accordingly. When it comes to intelligent conversation and/or expressing my opinions, I am in my comfort zone.
I just can't wrap my brain around people (especially women) who show off that much skin when they have way too much in the first place. I realize I may sound a bit harsher on women then men but I think in our society (I'll sound very "old-school" with this statement) if a man is overweight, losing hair or even a bit sloppy, it's more acceptable than if a woman has these characteristics. I barely notice men who are overweight...even at the beach....even without their shirts. But put a heavy woman in a tube top or bikini and she will usually get a double-take from alot of people around her. And that's why I wonder if people realize whay they are doing or they do realize and don't care. :confused:

[pageturner]

I have never been happy as an obese person. I've spent more time being self-conscious about my body and hating it than I'd care to admit. I have body dismorphia. Oddly enough when I was at the weight I am trying to get back to I thought I was "fat and unattractive." When I was at my heaviest earlier this year I no longer felt that way, but I still had trouble seeing myself in a true light about how heavy I was.

From the time I was very young I was either praised or criticized based on my appearance, especially my weight. I was never really big but when I hit puberty my grandmother who was incested for years by her dad went a bit nuts and insisted that I was getting fat and needed to lose weight.

So, worth was tied up in weight for me. Maybe this wasn't the case for the young woman at the beach thus allowing her to feel more comfortable.

Andrea

[kebsa]

i think there is a bit of both in these kinds of statements, i can see that a person says they are happy with themselves despite being overweight but i find it hard to accept that they would not prefer to be at least a bit slimmer! I am glad they do not feel pressured to be the ideal size and shape but then to take it to the step of wearing a skmpy bikini or boob tube in public, to me that indicates that they do not realize the full extent of there size, there is no way they look attractive! t is is not necessary to wear such choices, i have seen really big plus size models wearing some really attractive beachwear in a couple of the mail order catalogues i have used in the past- they are young women wearing fashions that are great for younger large women. If a woman said she was comfortable with herself in these kinds of choices i would be more inclined to believe t. I did see an intervew on pay TV on a program about plastc surgery before and after, the lady had had bypass surgery and lost massive amounts of weight and was now having a body lift etc to get rid of excess skin- she said that she ahd originally been someone who sad she was totally happy with er size and who she was and did not intend to conform to pressure of losing weight- she eventually did only for health reasons and now admitted that in hindsght she thought she had convinced herself that she was happy because she felt she had no option, that she was scared to go through surgery and could not lose weight without it- hnence it had beeneasier to convnce herself to accept what she felt unable to change. Now that she had lost weight she was a support person to several others trying to lose hunge amounts of weight. The whole body image thing is really difficult, it is easy to lose track of how bg you are, it happened to me, but having said that , there is no way on this sweet earth you would have seen me in a boob tube or bikini- i wil never feel safe enough to do that!

[Teal]

Diana I think it's ignorance, most people don't realize how they look. I too believe that just because it comes in my size it does not necessarily mean I should buy it. I have a part time job at Lane Bryant and even with my 40% discount, no one could pay me to wear some of the things there, and don't even get me started on the thongs we get in a size 26/28 I mean what the hell . . . . . . . am I the only one who think if you have a size 28 butt it should be covered? Last week this young girl came in the store shopping for back to school clothes she was wearing a hipster jean and a barely-there tank top, I could see her birth control patch on her hip when she walked in the store, that was just plain tacky regardless if you are a size 2 or 20 but with all that belly and rolls hanging out all I could think is "she really does not know"

[CAHOBBS53]

Well, this is a great topic! I love reading everyone's opinion on this and I tend to agree that, no matter what size you are, there is something to be said for good taste! Still, I really gravitate to kebsa's statement that it is easy to lose track of how big you have become. I know this has happened to me, and it really takes some photos or videos to make me remember how I look compared to other people. You have to wonder how the women in the big bikinis would feel about it all if they saw a photo of themselves next to people who are not obese.

Another thing about this matter of big is beautiful: While I like the concept, and I know it has made a lot of money for a lot of people, I still always point-out that these big models do not have rolls of fat or oodles of cellulite. The ones I see in the catalogs and magazines are very attractive, just larger. They don't model things that show back fat or loose arm skin, etc. They are still models, after all.

[pageturner]

I also found Kebsa's statement that sometimes people lose sight of what they look like. I know that happened to me and it was pictures that brought it back for me. I also went through a time in my life where I convinced myself that I was ok being as heavy as I was. I just got really sick and tired of being sick and tired of being so big. I also came to terms that my excess weight to take around 7 years of life off my life span. I like living way too much to even let that be a remote possibility. I know, I could get hit by a bus or something tomorrow, but I'm doing all I can. I also have Type 2 diabetes and I wanted to see what getting to a normal weight would do for it. I am so thrilled to be losing weight as nothing I tried ever worked before. I've lost 24 lbs but it seems like I'll need to get to 30 before I really believe it's happening this time. Can anyone identify with this? I agree great post! Thanks. Andrea

[kebsa]

page turner i can agree with you completely! just as i had a time when i did not see how bg was ( when i eventually realised i was mortified that i had allowed myself to get that big!), had trouble seeing any weightloss at all unitil i had lost between 50 and 60 pounds! I found that really depressing, to me it was confirmation that i was so huge that it was just too small amount to notice! thankfully others couls see the dfference, i got great support from b2g. I then did photo overlays of start pictures and pictures i had taken each month - only by ovarlay one shot over the other could i see the changes myself and realised that once again my own image of myself was really screwed Up. I stll take measurements and take regular up date photos to prove to mysdelf that i am making progress- i am over half way to goal, having dropped 125 and have another 90 to100 to go. Without resorting to the photos i would still have trouble seeing just how much i had lost, i know its equal to a person but when i see a reflection i have real trouble sssing the change. I think our own view of our selves gets really distorted! having a leg missing and those kind of things do not worry me at all but when it comes to fat, i see a morbidly obese lump- i just keep telling myself that i must look much better than i dd to start with and these days i can see i have lsot some just not the tru amount- i think for me, now the loose skin gives me a false impression of being bigger than i a, so i will be interested to see if my slef image improves as i get closer to goal- it is an intersting topic!

[diana j.]

You know, I never thought about "convincing" yourself that you're ok with being overweight and several of you referenced that thought.....good one. I remember going through a phase of "to hell with it.......it is what it is" and tried to get on with my life......but then your eyes wander to the normal sized people and try as you might, the thoughts come back...."I'm fat!" Then depression sets in, and hopefully you try......again.
And like alot of you.........I don't see it, even though I've lost 50+ pounds.........I'm still looking at myself through the same eyes that have been staring back at my overweight self in the mirror all these years.
I'm one of the most self-aware people I know...........I've always been sure that if I got some disease that had no symptoms, I'd still know, so I just don't get how people can NOT know how they look or worse yet not care. Even secure people.

Karen......you crack me up...never heard anyone call a tube top...a boob-tube. That's very appropriate. I LIKE IT !!!!! Mind if I use it?

[kebsa]

thats what they were called her n australia when i was in my teens, i can't claim the credit for the term- boob tubes leave me with bad memories! picture a slim but well endowed 14 yrs old and a not so nice fellow teen who thought it would be funny to sneak up behind me and pull the top down around my waist! everything was flapping in the breeze. it would not have been as bad but a while earlier i was riding my bike down a hill wearng a halter neck top when the neck strap came undone! it was made worse because there were a bunch of road workers doing repairs at the bottom of the hill- i had to make the choce, do i stop infornt of these guys all wistling and cheering OR do i keep on pedaling past them flapping away until i am in a less public stretch- i chose to kepp pedalling! but i was so mortified! after the 2 incidence i never went bra less again!

[Neal R.]

I too think its a little of both. I was always ok with my heavier self as long as I was healthy. It wasn't until I got too big and my health was in jeapardy and I got too big to be comfortable in certain situations (ie: stadium seats, resteraunt booths, etc.) that I wasn't ok with things. Now that I've lost, I see how big I really was and how little confidence I really had. I had no idea at the time. So I think its ok to be happier at a little heavier weight, but I think we loose site of how big we get or unhealthy we get.

[Craig A]

I am with Neal on this one I have a self image of a "big guy" but not the GREAT big guy that I am. Even though I am comfortable with my size I would not go running around with my gut hanging out or wear tight clothes. I think even when I reach my goals I won't do that. Now that my health is being adversly affected and I am afraid that I won't have an open seat on the plane next to me( I actually lookied into buying 2) I realize how big I really am. I still do not see it in my minds eye.

I can't wait to get cleared and get moving in the right direction.

My GP who had RNY about three years ago tells me that people do treat him differently now and that he did not think that they did when he was big.

["Just Jess"]

well - i just got back from vacation and LET ME TELL YOU..... i vote "ignorance" bc some of the women i saw MY SIZE or larger wearing bikinis! I just couldn't imagine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i even watched this one woman in the ocean for a few minutes who EVERY 3-5 seconds yanked her bottoms up, then pulled her wedgie out, then adjusted her top, then yanked on her straps, repeat. repeat. repeat. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? how can you enjoy yourself if all you are worried about is a boob or ass cheek popping out????? ugh!!!!

i don't know who said it earlier, but more than feeling confident or having a good self-concept or image. AT ANY SIZE, good taste should come to the fore-front!

great thread!

[diana j.]

Hey Jess.....welcome back!!! I think I saw that same lady when we went to swim today and her boob actually did pop out and this was me :eek:.......

We go swimming three or four times a week and you are SO right about the sites.......this huge girl with a one piece bathing suit on got alot of attention (no her booby didn't really pop out).........but her bathing suit was stuck up the crack.........and like my sweetie always says "say no to crack!" I am so conservative when it comes to swim wear........if I could find one, I'd where one of those early century, down to the knee, numbers. And I'm a bit "YIKES!" on top so every time I bent down, I grabbed my towel to cover myself...without realizing....sweetie pointed it out.

I just don't get how people don't realize! :confused:

[cathy]

Here ya go Diana!

http://www.wholesomewear.com/page-4.html

Actually, on this topic - -I've always been torn. Do I admire these women that "let it all hang out", or do I feel incredibly sorry for them?

I see some large women in skimpy clothes and just can't imagine how they think they look good. I think "Honey, do you OWN a mirror?!?!?!"

I am probably at the other extreme. I don't wear shorts or sleeveless tops. I wouldn't be comfortable in them.

[MoOrLess]

ROFL! sorry - but the "wholesomewear" swimsuit site cracked me up - no offense - seriously -but is that for certain religious groups who want NO skin showing lol......I agree that people should not wear it just because they can buy it in their size - but this is a bit crazy to me........

After reading all the posts here I agree 100% with what has been said - fat people DO get treated differently, we ALL tend to not see our bodies for what they are when we are overweight (even those who are average weight wear obnoxious stuff) and I know for me, a picture of myself makes me stand there staring - shocked - like do I really look like that? I know what my weight is - I know what size clothes I wear - but every single time the pictures of ME shock me...I guess that must be the problem for inappropriately dressed folks with boobage and assage hanging out

[SpookyJulz]

I have always been overly aware of how I look. Sometimes to the extreme. I wore frumpy older style clothes partly because I couldn't find cutter clothes, in my size, that looked decent. Thank God....I had some friends who insisted that if was going to go out with them I had to start dressing sexier. It took some doing but I started wearing sleeveless tops and more fitted jeans. I do wear shorts but only with a big shirt to cover my parts. LOL

I do admire someone who is larger who dresses well, who is self confident, who is happy with themselves and is not so much concerned about what other people think about them.

I could never understand why anyone would be comfortable with "camel toes!!!" I have seen women large and small wearing clothes that showed off body parts that nobody else wanted to see. Except for maybe a few lecherous pervs...
Everytime a gal would be out and would have a major "camel toe," you knew everyone was looking and making comments. You could see people pointing it out.

I think some do it out of ignorance or maybe lack of funds for new clothes. I also think that there are those who do it for attention. They are ignorant in their bliss!!!

[MoOrLess]

um, what is a "camel toe"?

[MrsS]

Mo It's also called a "taco" when a woman's pants are too tight in front and you can see the outline of her...ummmm...anatomy.

[MoOrLess]

ah.....as some would know on here - the FUPA area lol - thanks!

[DonHoll1]

I did not start gaining weight until my 40`s and have never been able to get comfortable with being heavy. I am so glad i was able to get the band and can not wait to get under 200. Right now i am 219. I know i am a good person at 237. I am just a much happier and more confident person at a lesser weight. Donna