Is this normal???????

[diana j.]

I don't do alot of posting...but I lookk forward to logging in everyday to see how everyone is and what's going on and I feel like I know some of you already and that you will be with me through all of this. Has anyone had major depression? My dr. gave me phentremine on 3/31 and I've lost 22lbs. to date...so I should be happy...yes? And I know waiting for a surgery date is stressful, but not sure it's that...just a sense of sadness...a dark cloud hanging over me and I can't shake it....anyone else go through this pre-op? Any opinions? thanks guys:Cry:

[factory-girl]

I did somewhat. It's the fear of the unknown I think. When you get your date, you will be onl cloud nine. Hang in there!

[stac1982]

I did deal with this some. The months leading up to my surgery were a little bit of a rollacoster. I think it is the feeling of the unknown. But a lot of mine was that I felt that I had failed in some way because I was turning to surgery. I felt that I should have been able to loose weight and keep it off. This was really hard for me; I am the definition of type-a / perfectionist personality. It took a lot of cries and bad days, but once things started to come into play, and I got my date, I started to feel much better. And now, only 3 weeks out, I could not be happier with my decision to have band surgery. I have added years to my life and I know it. I will be healthier when it is time to start a family. I think this site has help me tremendously. Post more, make some friends. We are all in this together! Good luck!

[diana j.]

thanks for the words of encouragement....i have been on a diet most of my adult life....so i have been on a rollercoaster i suppose or i wouldn't be waiting for a surgical solution at this point in my life....but this one ride i want to be over once and for all...i appreciate your thoughts. i really will try to tough this out.

[kebsa]

diana, i went through it but post op rahter than pre op, there is a lot of fear of theunkown and uncertainty around surgery and it is not surprising that it can be a bit tough to deal with. if it is persistent, i would encourage you to talk to your Dr, medication can assist with leveling your mood out and making things easier to cope with. medications are better than they used to be and you may only need them for a short time- do not suffer in silence though, depression can be debilitating and tough todeal with by yourself

[diana j.]

Karen...i have thought about asking for some help if this continues...but i was told before i have surgery, i have to have a phsyc evaluation and i don't know if that would hurt my chances of getting this done if they see me as unstable or depressed and possibly not able to deal with the entire process....what do you think?

[SpookyJulz]

Diana~
I went through some of this also. Mine was because I could not lose the pre~op weight. I went on the Dr's peo~op diet but could not lose. Then he changed the diet and I lost 9 Lbs in 10 days. I think some of my depresssion was concern that I would get the band and not lose. Or I would lose it and gain it back. I have not lost a lot (I am 4 weeks out) but I am not concerned about that. The 6 weeks after surgery is healing time and I am not very active due to physical issues. I exercise but I don't do much otherwise. I am also impatient. I want it all now. I tend to get depressed because it doesn't happen in my time. You are not alone. Keep checking in...I found this site to be the most helpful for all of my concerns even when I was depressed.
Good luck!

[deb]

I think its normal to feel depressed while waiting for surgery, I know I was emotional at times. Try to think about the future and stay positive.

[diana j.]

Thanks Julz.......I feel better knowing I am not alone in this although I feel sorry for everyone else trying to figure things out...I think we help ourselves when we reach out to others...it's healing...and that's what you all have done in this forum...created a place to reach out to others...a safe haven....a shoulder to cry on...and a place where people care. I AM SO GRATEFUL I FOUND ALL OF YOU....GOD BLESS

["Just Jess"]

diana --- please lean on us anytime!!!!!!!!! i think we all go through these stages!! i was so scared pre-op bc i had never had any kind of surgery ever - so i was terrified to the point where i felt sick to my stomach the whole week before. i even sat up and cried my eyes out for the 3 nights before surgery day as i wrote letters to my loved ones in case something happened. we get ourselves all worked up! but like someone else mentioned above - it will get better and you will heal.

but be warned - there are patches of "sad cloud" that come back after surgery too. i think it is 503 who has coined the phase i went through for the last 2 months "the angry newbie stage". you hype yourself up and want so much to come of this band and it's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SLOOOOOOOOOOOW! so please be prepared for that.

and although i understand your point --- none of us would want our surgery delayed after going through the hoops you have to go through - that being said, please do not be less than honest with your psych eval!! if you truly are clinically depressed, rather than just sad and scared, then you will want to be treated for that before undergoing such a life altering surgery. i hope that makes sense.

best of luck to you!!!!!!!!!!! :)

[diana j.]

thanks Jess..I appreciate your candor...I think alot of this is that sometimes i want to be completely self-absorbed, feel sorry for myself if I want, then move on and i usually can...but here lately everyone in my life seems to want to unload there burdens on me so i have not felt compelled to tell many people about my pending surgery...not even my kids and i feel a bit overwhelmed. somehow knowing you all are here makes me feel less uneasy and somewhat grounded....that is a relief.....i know if i can't get a word in edgewise with anyone else, i can come here when i get home and someone will listen, now i just have to get out of this pity party or i'll have to kick my own ass........thanks sweetie

["Just Jess"]

hey, you're welcome!!!!!!!! and ANYTIME you need an ear, there are a couple hundred pairs of them here at all hours of the day and night!! :)
i wish you the best - keep us updated on how it goes!

[SpookyJulz]

Diana~

My depression is clinical depression. I went to my psych eval and the psychologist told me that I had too many things going on in my life that I had not resolved that he didn't think surgery was the right thing for me to do right now.

Over the last 10 years I was in 2 car accidents that screwed up my back more than it already was screwed up. They said it was something I was born with and the insurance barely paid for Dr visits. My daughter was diagnosed with diabetes which is an ongoing stress. I was in a car accident one day, and moved from Idaho to Washington State the next day. I lived in Wa 4 months, my ex husband would ask me everyday if I could go back to work. I had a torn muscle in my left leg and problems with my back. He lost his job while we were there. I moved back to Idaho, I got divorced and 5 months later my oldest son passed away.
I had a really bad boyfriend several years ago who stole $10,000.00 from me. I almost became an alcoholic. My second oldest son went on a church mission he was gone 6 months and had broken his leg in 2 places going horizontal across the bone, he had to move home with no job, no place to live because he didn't want to live with me because I'm a bad influence on him. LOL!! We do get along well we just have different ideas about religion.
I have barely been able to work since my son died. Not only because of that but because of my heal issues. During this time I was also diagnosed with RA, Fibromialgia, TMJ, Pre diabetes, High blood pressure, I have migraines, the back problem is called sponylitis and I have a really bad disk. Plus complications from Meds.

Those are the reasons the Pshychologist wouldn't approve the surgery. I cried over it and threw my hands in the air and said screw it, nothing ever goes my way. (the thing is they were going my way. Everything had fallen into place up to that point for LBS). I got a call from my surgeons office they asked what I was going to do as far as LBS. I told the nurse about the Psych eval. She looked it up and all it said was that I needed to go to my Physician who put me on depression meds get my meds straightened out and write a letter saying I was stable on my meds.) That was January. I had surgery in April.

It is not unusual to be depressed about things. No matter what you are depressed about and what is causing the depression. Get on some meds and don't give up. Its so worth having surgery. I'm still on depression meds. I still get very depressed. I know that a lot of my health issues will be reduced with weight loss.

[diana j.]

Julz...you made me think of something I had not thought of when you said alot of your health issues will be reduced with weight loss...I have been off and on medication for depression for years...in aug 02 my brother almost died in a car accident one block from his home..he was in ICU for 6 weeks, then in Feb of 03 my baby, my youngest son, got sent to Iraq, then in May my beloved Pop died and to top it all off my husband moved his mom in with us from Florida and she had advanced dementia..all this and I was a salaried manager working 60+ hours a week.....I remember going to a SUPER nurse practioner who was nonjudgemental and he very kindly told me that even though I was going through so much and could use an antidepressant, that if I would lose some weight and gain back my self-esteem....I would be in a much better place mentally and physically to handle all the stresses in my life. That sent a jolt through me..it was like he could see into my mind....I think when I get through all this, I'll track him down just to say.....I DID IT!!! and thanks...
you're the best julz

[Jess_22554]

Diana please know that you are not alone in your feelings. My surgery is in just over three weeks and I am going through the same thing. This afternoon I started second guessing my decision. I am telling myself it's just pre-op jitters and a bit of being overwhelmed. Hang in there, we'll get through it.

[SpookyJulz]

Diana~

One thing I forgot on my list of stressers was that after I decided to get a divorce, my ex finally confessed (only after I dragged it out of him) that he was gay.
Even though the psychologist told me not to have the surgery until I was stablized on meds. It gave me time to reconsider what I really wanted. I had gone into the decision of having LBS quite quickly. I knew I wanted to have it done because I was tired. I am now 48 and with all the health issues I feel like I'm 90 most of the time. He never asked me what my biggest stress was. He never asked me what I thought. For 30 years I have been overweight. I could lose some but would gain all of it plus more back. I've done it over and over again. I did not feel that I could do it alone again. I felt that I needed help. If he had asked me that is what I would have said to him. But, he put me into one more stresser. I was crying and beating myself up when I left.
I have actually thought about going into his office and saying look what I did and you were no help to me whatsoever. All you accomplished was to make me more stressed and more depressed over something that was very simple to fix.

Sounds like you've had more than your share of stress too. I have so much empathy for anyone who is dealing with the death of a family member or the ongoing stress of family illnesses. I never had any idea how much it can turn your life upside down. The only thing that kept me going was Food and my kids and Food and alcohol and Food and my immediate Family.

Let me know if you need anything. I will help you as much as I can or point you in the right direction.

[SpookyJulz]

Diana and Jess~

My surgery would have been in Oct Nov if it hadn't been for the Psychologists report. I had given up at that point. It gave me more time to investigate and to find out what I was getting into. I was very mentally and emotionally prepared for this surgery. In a way I am glad that it was postponed because I have done fantastic. I kept doing the same thing, second guessing my decision. But I didn't in Jan when I restarted to process.

[diana j.]

Julz.....you are so right about using food to get you through things, my dr. told me to lose 10% before surgery so i have been working at this for about a month and about 2 weeks out is when the depression came on me and there was no crutch....but i got up today and decided to try harder..not to dwell on things that are out of my hands and work on getting myself better, mind and body....i weighed in at 240 this morning and was 267 on march 31st when i started this...so that was a good way to start off....i'm so glad to have you all to lean on...most of the time people just don't get it...not unless they have been through it....thanks Julz

[diana j.]

Jess....3 weeks...awesome!!!!!! I will be so relieved when i get my date but am aprehensive at the same time....i know it will come and go quicker than we can imagine....then we'll wonder why all the emotional upheaval...i guess female hormones add into this mix somewhere...women tend to be worrysome by nature...let me know how you are doing...and if the jitters subside any...i hope you can find things to keep your mind off it and it goes guickly.....take care Jess and thanks for caring

[SpookyJulz]

Diana~
You've lost 27 lbs and you needed to lose 10%. I think you've done it Darlin!!! You have nothing to worry about. I did not lose my 10%. I went on the Dr's diet and did not lose a thing. So, they changed it to low carb high protein and I lost 9Lbs in 10 days. I have only lost 17 Lbs so far. I'm not very active so I know it will be slower. You have done Fantastic losing your pre~op weight. Keep it up. Don't get depressed and start gaining it back.

[diana j.]

Julz...thanks for the words of encouragement....my family has seen me gain and lose so much over the years, no one has really been very encouraging but you have been SUPER!!!! I want to wean myself off the phentermine and am on only half a pill now...my primary is going to be shocked..i see her in a few weeks and hope i have a date by then...but she told me to lose some weight because i am pre-diabetic and this runs in my family. but she doesn't know i am wanting to do this surgery and i hope she will support me....i have been through so many doctors since i got to tennessee because no matter why you go...they always make it about your weight....ear infection...lose some weight....bronchitis...lose some weight....running a fever for 5 days...get rid of some of that pork...blah, blah, blah.....Dr. Ray, my surgeon, is the only one who ever explained that obesity can be genetic predisposition and not always calorie intake and of course my family all have weight issues. I look forward to hearing from you again and your journey through bandland...you're a DOLL!!!!!

[SpookyJulz]

Diana~
Sorry I haven't responded. I was out of town and my dad's computer was not working very well.
If your primary isn't supportive then find another one. The primary care physician I went to was a Dr suggested by my surgeon. He had a list of Dr's for all of pre~op things that needed to be done. Most were really good except for the Psychologist. He was kind of a jerk. But, it all worked out. Diabetes runs in my family also. My daughter is a Type 1 diabetic. Out of 7 diabetic predispositions I think I have 6. I think most of my Dr's made it about weight also. But, none ever had an answer for me. Just eat veggies and drink protein drinks. When I told my Dr's they were all in favor of LBS. except for my Chiropractor and that is because he just started selling Medifast. He wanted me to go on it. I did it and lost a lot of weight but gained all of it back plus more. Both sides of my family have weight issues. My grandfather died when my dad was 13, I think from a heart attack. He was very heavy and was a big eater. My uncle is now exactly like my grandfather. My parents are active and are not extremely overweight. But my mothers side are all heavy. From the Great Grandparents on down. Luckily I'm not as heavy as a lot of them. But, it is just as hard emotionally and physically for anyone who needs to lose. I am very hard on myself, I have beaten myself up very badly over the years. I was getting to a point where I did not even want to go out of my apartment. I have lost 20 lbs. gone from a size 16 to a 14 and the 14's are too big. I went home to see my family last week and felt so good the whole time. I haven't felt that good in years. I even went dancing...LOL!!
I hope all is going well for you and your family. Keep me posted on your progress!!
Thanks for listening to me. LOL

[diana j.]

hi Julz....today is my first day back on the computer.....since my denial i haven't been able to even go into my computer room....had the door shut...but i feel better now..and i do believe God has a reason for saying "no" to me at this time......i feel so desperate to lose this...my mom died at 52 and weighed over 220...i am 52 and following that path...so i can't let myself dwell on it for too long....i have gained and lost so many times i can't even remember but i have been on a diet every year since i got married and we just had our 35th anniversary...pretty sad huh? But you are doing good....dancing no less!!!!! and i will rejoice with you and for you in all your victories and please keep me up to date about what's going on and your search for a house. I have enjoyed talking to you also...i think we kind of understand each other and please know i will keep in touch no matter what i decide to do......love, Di

[SpookyJulz]

Diana~
Stay positive....There is always the chance that you will be accepted. You just never know. Feel it in your soul that it is happening. It may take awhile. You may just need time to adjust to it all and accept it.

I do agree I think we understand each other. We seem to have a lot in common. I am glad that you want to keep in touch.
Love
Julz

[diana j.]

Hi Julz....thanks for the encouragement....i will as you said..feel it in my soul...lost 3 more pounds...down to 238...i'm doing a detox..an internal cleanse...and is it ever working!!!!! anyway i feel good today..we drove up to the mountains and hiked 2 miles.....it felt good...i was worried about my knee....i have to have my left knee operated on again..maybe replaced....so i take walking very cautiously, but i got through ok....one day, when you are up to it, will you tell me about your children? i hope you feel like you can share things with me.......love, Di

[SpookyJulz]

Di~
Glad to hear you are doing well!! You are losing better than I am and I'm banded....lol. That is nice that you went hiking. I don't dare. I have balance and arthritis issues.
I would love to tell you about my children. I will send you a private message sometime. They are my life!!
Love
Julz

[diana j.]

Hi Julz~I have arthritis also that's why my knees are so bad and I am on relefan and tramadol for the pain and inflammation...but i love the outdoors and the mountains, that's why i moved to tennessee. Motherhood..... i think that is the connection i feel with you...my kids are the best thing that's ever happened to me...they are my heart...yes do send me an e-mail.....it would be a better way to share.....Love ya, Di

[Belinda L]

Hey, I need a copy of that lose 9 lbs in 10 day diet

[PhotoNut]

Hi Diana, I wanted to welcome you to b2g and to assure you that depression is not uncommon for those of us who suffer with obesity and the horrible stress it puts on our bodies - let alone the emotional feelings that are so often attached to being heavy.

I agree that you should talk to your doctor about your depression. At the insistence of my family, I finally broke down and talked to my doctor who got me started on Effexor. It typically takes 6 full weeks for the anti-depressants to be fully effective. My psych evaluation was 4 weeks after I began taking the Effexor, so my depression showed up in flying colors on that darn test! I thought I would die when I heard the psychologist say the words, "I'm going to recommend that you begin seeing a counselor. It's essential that you get the depression under control before you consider such a surgery." I cried and begged him not to take away my last hope for living. I weighed 307 pounds. My feet and hips hurt so bad I could hardly walk. I was so severely depressed and had begun to believe there was some hope for me when my mom told me she was giving me my inheritance early so I could be banded. And now, here was this stranger threatening to take away the only hope I'd felt in years.

I guess he saw that in my eyes. I guess he heard the desperation in my voice. He looked at his notes again and said that since I had only been on the Effexor for 4 weeks, he would be willing to see me again for a re-evaluation in 2 weeks. That re-evaluation showed that there was still some depression but it wasn't so severe, so he gave his approval.

I look back on that now and I can see why they are so adamant about not banding severely depressed patients. The surgery is life changing, and even though the changes are all positive, they are a constant source of psychological struggle for me. I am still battling the need for that “comfort” and have tried to replace it with other things such as alcohol, which of course is equally as disastrous. I shudder to think what I’d be like now had I not gotten the depression under some control prior to attempting this.

Anyway, enough about me. I just wanted to assure you that you’re not alone and to encourage you to talk to your primary care doctor now about your depression. It will help a lot in your psych evaluation to show that you have already taken steps to help yourself in that area.

Also, I saw that you take Tramadol. I wanted to warn you about taking anti-depressants with Tramadol. My husband was recently prescribed Tramadol for extreme back pain. He had been taking the anti-depressant Celexa (Selexa) and when he took both together he had a terrible reaction. Be sure to discuss this with your doctor ok?

I wish you all the best!

[diana j.]

Susan...thanks so much for your input about the depression...I get so wrapped up in myself I actually find a kind of solice knowing that what I am going through, happens to others...not that i'd wish that on anyone but it makes me feel less abnormal if you know what I mean. I was on Effexor about 4 years ago after I had knee surgery and was stuck in the house with my mother-in-law who had severe dementia...felt like i was losing my mind...i'm not a sedentary person as a rule and being laid up was making me very agitated and depressed. I see my primary in 2 weeks and yes, i will tell her. As far as the tramadol i'm on my last script and won't take it after that unless she agrees to it since she has to write the script anyway...i'd rather have the pain than the depression so that is my priority. Everyone I have talked with on this site has been truly inspiring and I am so glad i found you all...you are doing such a good work here...i hope you know that many lives are impacted because of a vision to start this....you all have become a family and i feel humbled and grateful to be a part of it.
Many thanks...love, Diana

[monica mcclelland]

I wondered what my problem was.....here I am going to have surgery on 6/18/07, and yet I feel kind of blue. I suppose it is the fear of doing something so life altering. I think I am also afraid that I will fail once again. It is nice to know that somebody else has some of the same feelings.

[diana j.]

Hi Mo....I never did nail down the source of my depression....but like you I am worried I will fail, having done it with every other diet attempt...also I am desperate to get the nod from my insurance and about now it feels like this will never happen....it all just weighs heavy (no pun intended) on my mind and I tend to be somewhat obsessive anyway so that doesn't help. Let me know how you are doing in the upcoming days and weeks as you get closer to "the day".....all the best, Di

[SpookyJulz]

Mo and Di~

I agree I think it is the stress of everything. Hoping that it will work wondering if it will be another failed attempt. Plus the added stress of insurance and how will people deal with it after you've had the surgery.
And for some wondering if you should tell family and friend or not. I tend to be somewhat OCD myself and if I start to obsess over something I get depressed if it doesn't work out the way I think it should.

I think it is very normal to get depressed during the waiting period. It is the unknown and the excitement.

Good luck Mo!! Keep us updated.

[diana j.]

Hey Julz.....any updates on your weight loss..seems like I'm always going on about mine but I didn't ask about how you're doing in that area and how you are feeling.....MY BAD!!!!! I did get to buy a belt though on my last day off.....dopey me...I'm walking through the store holding my jeans up and my DH looks at me in confusion...."why don't you have a belt on?" Duh...I don't own one....so he got me one and now I have to show it to everyone....am I pathetic or what?????????

[SpookyJulz]

LMAO!
Di
I've been doing exatly the same thing. My pants just won't stay up. My fiance kept saying buy a belt. I have 2 brand new belts that I had barely worn and kept saying that I would wait until I could wear them. I tried one on on Mothers Day and it fit. I even got it to the second hole. The buckle was too big and it cut into my tummy so I haven't really worn it that much. But i did get it on!!!!

LOL Nope not pathetic just normal. I do the same thing.

[diana j.]

YAY Julz...every little thing is so exciting..it's a milestone for us but gosh the people in work think I'm smokin' crack or something...course going around showing everyone your belt is a bit strange...but that's me...just wait till I get my new underpants!!!! Look out!!!!

[SpookyJulz]

LMAO!!

I went around showing people my belly with the LBS scars. It was funny!!

[kujayhawk]

I do suffer from depression and it wasn't as bad as what I had thought. I did have some emotional states there for awhile. But also I found that I have to deal more with my anger issues that I never thought was a issue

[diana j.]

I can't help but wonder if women call these episodes depression and men just call it "thinking things over"...my husband will spend days being quiet and withdrawn..not say much...what I would refer to as being depressed, if only for a little while, and when he finally snaps out of it, he'll say he had some things to think over...and will deny the black cloud he had hanging over his head. I wonder if any of the men would venture to weigh in on this...how bout it men... thinking things over or depression?

[walkngal]

Diana, I don't know if your blues could be related to waiting for surgery...that's that. BUT As a person and a therapist, I do know that getting depression under control usually entails working your way through more than one antidepressant. It's just the nature of the beast. People just respond differently to meds. I once went through three meds before I found the ONE that made me feel the most like MYSELF. So all I can say is talk to your DR. Let her/him know what's better and what's not. And keep looking for what will give you the most "normal" life.

[diana j.]

thanks Michelle...I see my dr. this thursday and have a list....I was on Effexor for several months in '03 and hated the way I felt...i had this sense of dread, like this was as good as i'd ever feel and I was scared but slowly i weaned myself off it and actually felt better off than on. Later I went through another episode and was put on Paxil...no change...up the dose...same...so I stopped and began researching herbals and alternative forms of help and did get some relief with St. John's wart...plus I started a stress-formula vitamin. I think I get depressed for several reasons...going through menopause, marital situations, finances...kids and just plain not being happy about myself....my mom had the same issues and had been in mental institutions due to several nervous breakdowns, she even had shock treatments...so I know I am predisposed to it.

thanks for your input and I will tell my doctor on thursday..I appreciate your help......Di