To tell or not to tell

[NotSoFunny]

Have you told anyone that you have been banded? Or are you still "in the closet"?

Personally I tell everyone!! It makes people easier to deal with. I don't care what they think of me and the whole "easy way out" excuse a lot of them give me. But it helps me if there is something I can't do, or I need to explain my actions. I also find it helpful when we go out to eat. I get my food free usually because the waitstaff go back and get me "taster" portions since I won't nee a whole meal. then they like to stay and talk about it. Its fascinating to a lot of people.

[503-250]

I didn't tell many people, I did tell my boss, and kept it quiet from everyone else, then the office loud mouth found out and told everyone.

I think she actually went through the paperwork on my desk and looked up the doctor's phone number. Meh...what can ya do.

The family side was worse, I didn't want to tell anyone because it was thanksgiving and christmas time and I didn't want that to be the big issue. Then I just didn't want to hear any crap from any of them. Now, my folks know and her folks now. Some of our relatives know....the rest will figure it out as I disappear.

The funny part is...the snoop in my office is the biggest pest when it comes to what I eat, when I eat, how much I eat and constantly asks what I weigh.

[Stitchy]

503-250

Well, let's see. How could you shut her up? Ummmm. Oh, yeah! When she asks nosy questions:

Her: "Nosy question?"

You: "Why do you need to know?"

Her: "Because I want to know."

You: "Yeah, I know that, but why?"

That line has worked for me in all kinds of situations.

[503-250]

Oh no need to worry, I am the ultimate in toying with nosey people.

She asked a bunch of questions one day and I was polite until she got annoying, then I turned and I said, you know if you are interested I can give you the doctors name.

Stunned silence.

[diva girl]

I asked this question on that other web site and the answers ran 3-1 against telling. The reasons were:
:blabla: "I don't want people looking over my shoulder"
:blabla: "I dont want to be judged"
:blabla: "What if it doesn't work, or my band has to come off....I don't want a million people asking me how much I've lost"
:blabla: "I don't want to hear 'Oh...she took the easy way out' ". (hah)
:blabla: "I don't want to hear 'I know someone who did that and died' "
:blabla: "It's my medical condition and it's none of their damn business. I wouldnt tell them if I had a _________(fill in the blank).

That all seemed pretty reasonable to me so I didn't tell too many people. I came up with the hiatal hernia story and most people bought it. My church prayed for my operation (!!!) and my friend told me all about her hernia fix and wanted to know which side mine was on....I had to do some quick thinking there....and I hate to lie. But there you have it.

[mrs_christy]

Funny you bring this subject up because I have struggled with this. I am pre-band, as you probably know, and I originally hadn't planned on telling ANYONE.

Well, the more I got serious about this surgery, the more and more people in this town I am in are having gastric bypass, and MANY of them look sickly. It frightens me how many people in this town actually GAIN weight so that they can have it OMG WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!!!

Yesterday I decided to go "public" with this surgery (so to speak). My first thought was that I can post something on MYSPACE because most of my friends from high school and friends in my home town read my profile. I posted a blog about my surgery, how I decided on lapband vs. gastric bypass and why, how I got to my current weight, and links to look up for those with questions. I wanted to get the word out about this band because I think there are people who'd rather do this than RNY if they only KNEW of the surgery! With that in mind, here is what followed....

I posted my blog and then emailed my sister-in-law and told her to please not tell my in laws yet because we wanted to tell them today, that way if there were any questions, I could answer them. And I didn't want them to hear from someone else. Well she emails me back and says "too late". UGH she already called (like the gossip mongrel she is) and blabbed it to my husbands parents. They, in turn, were upset that we kept this from them and felt that they should have known before the public.

My gosh...what a delima I started. All I wanted to do was save someone from making what (in my eyes) is a big mistake. I see the problems these people have with bypass and am horrified and I was just trying to be helpful. This wasn't about ME. I wanted my friends to be educated so they wont make statements like "she took the easy way out" or "she's just lazy", I wanted to educate people. Ok ok so it backfired.

I dont care who knows anymore, I will shout it from my rooftop if it helps another person with their struggles with weight. For anyone who steps up to me with negative comments and attitudes, keep walkin because they are NOT a friend.

Soapbox end....hehehe:yell:

[Vegaswildflower]

Hello My name is Vegas Wildflower and Yes I am a closet bandster,,
my DH knows, 5 or so very close friends, and my sister .. thats it!!
every one else well I dont want to be bothered with questions, unless its for some one that might be thinking about it, my parents dont know because they blame themselves for my weight, and every time something happens to me my mothers guilt goes into overdrive,, and I just dont need that!

[Susan]

I have told my best friend, parents and children. I had said I wasn't going to tell anyone else, but people are starting to notice that I am losing (finally!). I have been asked a couple of times what "diet" I am on. I was surprised to find myself just coming out and telling them I had lapband surgery and what it is. I was one who said all along I would not tell people and that it was very personal. But, now that people are starting to notice, and I know it really is working, I want to share it with everyone. So far, I haven't gotten any negative feedback from anyone. Mostly just a lot of questions as nobody seems to have heard of it.

[Kim G]

Well I didn't go out and yell it at first....the 4 people I worked with knew and my family (parents, grandparents, sister knew) Now since I work for the doc well EVERYONE knows....which is okay by me. I love it there are so many people who think the band is bad and not the way to go it fails everyone and such and such....so I have to stand up for it now. Yes I know the band isn't for everyone but my goodness don't kill it before you try it.

I love my band!!!!!

[JoyceGA]

Well, I have no problem telling people that I plan to be banded.

IN FACT, my father announced it in the bank lobby last March. Trust me, there isn't a person within 50 miles that doesn't either think I have been banded, unbanded or still in pre-op status.

I get a LOT of phone calls asked about banding and what I am doing.

I don't mind a bit.

[Diva]

Hi my name is Diva and I am a closeted Bandster!
(everyone say "Welcome Diva!")
My husband, my surgeon and some people who I never met before in my Behavior Modification Group know (and they may never know for sure because the group had a few people who never went through with the surgery).
That's all folks. My family and friends do not know. My work thinks I had "something female fixed". My family does know that I go to the Obesity Control Center at NEMC for meetings, medical tests/exams and support. Th OCC has various programs not only WLS. They have opti-fast and other weight loss programs. So they know I am getting help just not band help.
And they will never know. I don't think it is their business to be frank. My siblings will say I took the easy way out. My mother almost had (another) heart attack when I tried to discuss it (seems I was going to lose my eyesight due to lack of vitamins yada yada). My friends have seen me fat and thin and always on some sort of diet. So this time the OCC psychologist and behavior modification worked!
This is kind of a touchy subject for me. It used to annoy me to no end when this was discussed on a previous board and people would preface their openess with "I'm not ashamed". As if the choice made not to tell automatically meant that it was due to the dreaded "band shame". It's just my choice based on my life.

[Maryb]

I didn't want anyone to know at first. Mainly because I didn't want anyone judging my decision to do this, and because I felt ashamed about "taking the easy way out" instead of exercising and dieting from shear will power.

After losing enough weight for people to start asking what I was doing, I became more comfortable sharing my choice with others. Now I will tell anyone who will listen. I keep a brochure with pictures in my purse to show people what it looks like and how it works. I am no longer ashamed that I had WLS because I can admit I need help..I can't do it on my own. WLS and Support from others who have had it keep me going.

So, It is OK if you are not ready to share yet. Don't beat yourself up like I did about it. When you are ready and comfortable with sharing, you will and you will never regret it!

[JoyceGA]

If you listen to XM Radio, then I am really coming out of the closet on the 14th. I do a monthly show called "Joyce's Choices" on the Broadway Channel (XM 28). I send in a songlist and John does a show with them.

On the 14th, I come out about my weight loss with my "Fat and Sassy Show". John will talk a bit about what I am doing. I stressed that I didn't want the show to come off as a slam against obese people -- more of a celebration of big boys and girls. I've been fat and sassy for decades and have no regrets. I just want to be pleasingly plump and wicked in the future.

The show aires at noon and 9pm EDT.

Here's the songlist for those into showtunes:
Big, Blonde and Beautiful – Hairspray
Big Black Man – The Full Monty
Shipoopi – The Music Man
Bloody Mary – South Pacific
She’s Not Enough Woman for Me – Redhead
If You Could See Her – Cabaret
Fat and Greasy – Ain’t Misbehavin’
Larger than Life – My Favorite Year
Big Legged Woman – Great Balls of Fire (movie)
My Husband the Pig -- Putting It Together
It’s a Pig – By Jeeves
Heavy -- Dreamgirls
And I’m Telling You Now I’m Not Going – Dreamgirls
Big-Ass Rock – The Full Monty
Big Girls Don’t Cry – Jersey Boys
We’ve Got to Clean Out the Freezer -- Nunsense
Dress Big – The Frogs
I Like ‘em Fat Like That – Five Guys Named Moe

[Stitchy]

Joyce
Need more info about the radio station. Is it streaming? Need web site.
That is so cool.:Banane03:

[barbara465]

I just told a few people. I left the rest in the dark because I didn't want to explain, listen to anything negative, or have people calling about my progress. That worked well and I got over the surgery and the initial healing. Now that I've lost 30 lbs people are starting to notice. Most of my friends know and if others stop me I may tell them or just smile. I feel comfortable in my decision.

[JoyceGA]

Joyce
Need more info about the radio station. Is it streaming? Need web site.
That is so cool.:Banane03:

It's satellite radio, so you have to subscribe to the service, though it comes with Direct TV in some packages. I just learned that if you subscribe to AOL, that XM Radio is available free.

http://www.xmradio.com

I swear, I should get a discount for all the new subscribers I bring to them.

I hope you can hear it!!!:Banane03: :Banane03:

[SandraDee]

I didn't want to tell anyone except for my family at first. Then the girls at work started bugging and bugging me to tell them my secret. I ended up telling them. Sometimes I regret it and sometimes I don't. I hate being referred to as "the girl who had weightloss surgery". It's like this becomes your identity. The girls at work are still so supportive of me. They keep saying that they want a "belly belt". That's what they like to call it.

[EmileeKaye]

My whole family knows. My boyfriend "guessed" it a few days after meeting me, yeah strange. My bestfriends have always known. I usually tell most people, if they ask. If they havent seen me in awhile and they just say, "WOW, you look great" I dont tell them, cause they didn't ask. But I did start a new job recently and they know I have lost a lot of weight, they saw my before photos, I have told them I did it by way smaller portions, drinking tons of water, and working out. Its true right? I don't know....the longer i have the band, the less I want to tell the whole world, especially new people I meet. I DID do the work, the band was just a helper. But oh well....my friends and family tell everyone, they are so proud of me, blah, blah, blah. And I can see telling a couple girls I work with now, because I a getting closer to them. But at my place, gossip spreads like wild fire and I don't want to be any part of it. We also have a lot of heavier people working there....so while I love helping people find out about the band, and do tell the people who know I have it how great it is...i don't want to be the spokesperson to the world or get looks as I walk up to the vending machine and get some cheetos.

Make sense? Oh well...I'm freaking tired.

[foodstampchamp]

I'm in the closet but how does that concern everyone here....oh wait, we are talking about banding. MY BAD! Carry on people, carry on.
LOVE THIS BOARD!

[lookingout]

This one I have wrestled with. I find it a very private decision, and I've elected not to. It is just too much to explain, and I don't think a lot of people would understand. It's my choice. No one, not even my family knows and surprisingly, I met a great friend in having my banding. We keep in touch, are at the same point with our bands (we were banded the same day) and really became sources of support for eachother. We had our first fill together too! I might someday...........but definitely not right now. I'm working on working on me and my band!

[Tricia K.]

I told almost everyone, except for a few of my friends back in New Jersey who I want to surprise the next time I visit. :)

[BigGirlPantiez]

Everyone knows except my evil stepmother. I am a publicist so it is natural for me to "spread the word"! Of course, I now regret telling some people!

[Jess]

I tell everyone! I feel like I may be able to help someone by sharing. I'm not shy!!

[A1ikou]

I kind of tell people on a need to know basis. At first it was only hubby's family since we live in the same building and eat together quite a bit. My mum was told when she came to visit and others I tell if 'I' think I need to. Most people back in the UK don't know because when I go there next March for my 40th birthday I aim to shock and surprise as many as I can with my weightloss.

[meme]

For me I am in the closet. The day of my surg. my mom had my kids, and she still to this day doesn't know that I have the band. A lot of people changed on me when I lost 50lb. So I told my husband that I didn't want to tell enyone about my band. As I lose the weight everyone will just think that I was just lossing more. I feel bad about it sometimes, but I know that this is the best way. So I come here to share my joy.

[SheryBery]

I haven't told too many people yet. My immediate family and a few close friends and those I work with. But it's starting to get around, and I don't have a problem with people asking about it. At first I didn't want people to look down on me for doing surgery instead of doing it on my own. But the people who truly care for me are happy that I'm taking my life back and those are the only people I care about.
Oh yeah---the local/statewide paper here is doing a series of articles on all the new health procedures available in our area and they interviewed me and took pics of my surgery! Soooo---I'll definitely be outta the closet when that runs!!

[dawg]

So to branch this off slightly.

It came up in our support group meeting (briefly) that some people are now suffering the Ex-smoker syndrome, and want to sidle up to obese people to share the secret of their success.

I certainly have a drive to tell the obese out there that there is an answer, and that it could be within their reach (which is the major factor in starting this site).

Much as I am not banded, I recommend it strongly as a solution.

I really get the urge to testify to the obese community as I believe without it both my wife and I would have ended up in serious medical situations.

That's my attitude anyway :D

[Telly]

I don't tell people anything unless they ask. I do tell them that it took hours upon hours of gym, biking, jogging/walking time to get this way and I don't feel wrong for saying it. They usually question how long it took me and when I say 5 months, I get the arched brow.

[shackdog]

yep tell the world then you have that much more support

[bestfriendsgirl]

If and when I decide to go through with it, I'll pretty much have to tell my co-workers. There are only five people in this office and it is the TMI Capital of the Universe - no way I can take a week off from work and come back eating a special diet without answering a lot of questions, and saying "none of your business" would simply make things worse. The thing is, I work with two other women who are half again as heavy as I am (at 220 lbs, I'm the second slimest woman in the office - can you believe that?) and every time I've mentioned banding in passing, they both have every horror story in the world to tell. It will be interesting to see how they react -

[shackdog]

First be proud in yourself/ I told everyone I am proud of what I did and I encougage all totell

[lil'bitty]

If I could I would wear it on a T-Shirt with my before and after pics. I did however just come out with my parents who sometimes react weird to stuff like this. My dad asked if I really thought I needed to go that far, and I replied, "After 36 years of battling my weight, yes I did think I needed to go this far!" After that they were sensitive about were we would go out to eat, would I be able to eat something there, etc. So it's been ok with them now too.

[CaribnQn]

Before I had my surgery I told the people that I felt were most important to me, but since having my surgery I having no problem telling anyone. I am so proud of myself and my decision to be banded and I want to share it with anyone who wants to listen.

[DonHoll1]

I told everyone i know, just cause i was so excited. One person told me i should lose weight the RIGHT way.lol Everyone else was supportive. Donna

[Teal]

I am not 'a closet bandster' I am however 'a private bandster' my medical procedures and health history is between my doctor and myself and not for public consumption or even for discussion at family gatherings period.

[MoOrLess]

I feel like I've told the world lol --- if people ask questions which lead to discussing the band procedure I tell them....like so many others I am proud of myself for doing this - plus it was the best decision I ever made! there is nothing anyone could say to wipe the big grin off my already thinner face!

[JudeX]

Not banded yet but have my date of Oct. 15th.
I didn't tell anyone except my partner that I was considering the banding.
I began going to the classes/nutritionist and doing the homework all the while reserving my decision until I was completly comfortable with it.
After my sixth month of meetings I decided to go ahead.
My friends know..most of 'em.
I am not telling my family yet.
My friends at work know..5 of them have had the bypass.
I am losing weight on the liquid diet and people are beginning to notice.
Stay tuned....

jude:nod:

[Misha Bukowski]

This is a tough one for me. I'm a very private person who works in a veritable fishbowl. Everyone knows everything about everyone.

When my journey first started I told only my husband, grown children and immediate supervisor, who is under a legal obligation to not indulge any medical information. At this moment, I do not plan on telling anyone else, even my 4 sisters and Dad.

I am now enjoying day 5 of being post-op and am journaling what's happened to me since this all began. I've logged approximately 97 hours of doctors appointments in just June, July, Aug. and Sept. in preparing for this. That doesn't count travel time.

Then came surgery. I was the one in pain. That was me. I was the one stuck 5 times by the "IV Specialist" before she called a supervisor who got it right the first time. That was me.

Now, I am looking at my food and water log for the last 4 days and remembering that my surgeon took about 45 minutes to put a band on my stomach. I've already spent a year of my life in preparation and I am the one sitting here measuring out 4oz of cream soup, straining it, adding protein powder, sipping it, and doing a variation of same every 2 freaking hours! I'm walking during the "wait to drink" times and sipping like crazy to get my water in. This will be my life for at least a month.

So, who's doing the hard work here????

Yeah, I could have gone back to slimfast and done one shake in the morning and one shake at lunch and a sensible dinner. I'd lose another 50 - 80 lbs. And my voracious hunger would have gotten the better of me at some point, once again.

I completely understand wanting to shout this from the rooftops - because I AM SO PROUD OF MY DECISION! But at the same time, I feel like I need to live this part of my life "defensively". I don't want anyone to look at the success I achieve from finally getting control over my hunger and body and attribute it to a surgical procedure. I'm making this happen. My surgeon helped, yeah, but I'm making this happen - me. Does that make sense? I just think the one who does the hard work should get the credit - is that so wrong?????

Sorry for the rant!

You are all the best and make me safe here.

Peace,

Misha

[MoOrLess]

Misha you said it perfectly! took my own similar thoughts and put it on paper lol -- I guess I like the kudos and the "great job" comments - I'm like that - I admit lol - but it is so true that YOU and only YOU can do this for yourself - congrats girl - I'm SO excited for you that you are on the other end of the band already! Who knew it could go so FAST eh - told ya! lol

[MSGirl]

I have told very few people. Like Lyn, I am using the hernia repair for people at work that "have to know" I'm going to be out. The last thing I need right now is someone judging me and it's just a lot less complicated to keep it to myself and immediate family and friends. I actually haven't even told my brothers...they have skinny wives and I don't want to have to answer alot of questions!

[may]

I told my family and a few close friends beforehand but noone else it just didnt seem relevant to my decision and happiness. I am not a closet bandster in my mind but as Teal said it quite well, ... A Private Bander. My weight has been my personal battle my entire adult life and frankly an obvious one so my decision to get the band was personal as well but I could keep it to myself. I did worry that I would be judged a bit but hell I was already being judged by my weight! My family's support has been exceptional and that is all I need. I would gladly share with someone if I was asked and I felt it would help someone. I am very private so I do not openly share but it is not a secret. I am working very hard to lose this weight and this tool is helping me. Some days I actually catch my self smiling and I realize that it is because I am so Happy I have chosen to take back my life and to use this tool to do it. Happy Bandster!!

[may]

Exactly right on Misha!!!

[MoOrLess]

congrats May - I know exactly what you mean about taking control of your life and being happy! you took the words right out of my mouth! thanks for sharing!