Get Out of UR Mind & N2 UR Life

[PhotoNut]

Maria DiMattina, MSW, LCSW is one of the facilitators of one of our monthy support groups. In the two meetings I have attended with her as the facilitator, I have gained an enormous sense of respect and trust for her. So much so that I plan to begin personal therapy with her as soon as I can get my appointment!

Tonight, Maria told us about a workbook that she recommends, entitled Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life, by Steven Hayes (http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?ean=9781572244252&z=y). I posted a great deal about the "bus and it's passengers" analogy on the Doing the Headwork thread. That analogy came from this workbook. I asked Maria if she felt this would be a workbook that we here at b2g could work through together as a group. Both Maria and Dr. Barb Haden (phsychiatrist) readily agreed that would be an excellent idea. So, I thought maybe some of you would like to join me in working through it. I'm sure Maria's schedule is such that she wouldn't be able to lead us through the workbook, but you know me... I'm not above asking. :biggrin1:

My plan is to purchase the workbook this week and look through it to decide how best to break up the studies so we can work together as a group and have a running thread where we check in and discuss how it's going and what we've learned/accomplished.

I plan to start the workbook on Saturday, March 10th. Most of us will be home on the weekend so we can devote some time to the workbook. I will post a schedule for our group discussions once I know what's going to work best. We can do that on a thread, or perhaps even have some chatroom discussions.

Note: the workbook is not the same as the book by the same title. The workbook is for the patient. The book is far more clinical and more for the counselor.

I have also invited Maria to do a live Question and Answer Chat with us in the near future. She was more than excited about that idea, so we will be planning that soon.


MSW: Master of Social Work
LCSW: Licensed Clinical Social Worker


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Our Study Group

PhotoNut (Susan, Idaho) - has workbook
Kebsa (Karen, Australia) - has workbook
Goannabanda (Anna, Australia) - has workbook
Idahobeauty (Susan, Idaho) - has workbook
Alicia521 (Alicia, Tennessee) - has workbook
Chevygirl (DeAnn, Washington) - has workbook
SheryBery (Cheryl, Idaho) - has workbook
JDru (Jessica, Utah) - has workbook
Dynamomini (Michelle, Colorado) - has workbook
Txblue_eyedqt (Cynthia, Texas) - has workbook
Okielapgirl (Sarah, Oklahoma) - has workbook
Mocameg (Idaho) - has workbook
FunnyDuddies (Amy, Florida) - ?
Kujayhawk (Kansas) - ?
Catkreeger (Cathy, Mississippi) - has workbook
Berry (Sherri, Massachusetts) - has workbook
Chisaimama (Margaret, Idaho) - has workbook

GLO - has workbook
Cjyoung61 (Carla, Idaho) - has workbook
Linda V (Linda, Idaho) - has workbook
Kathy (Kathy, N Carolina) - has workbook
Amey (Amey, Florida) - has workbook

[kebsa]

I was impresses by the bus analogy, seems so simple ( why didn't I think of that before- kinda thing!). I will give borders a call her in Adelaide see if they have it in stock, i'm certainly interested- if I cna't get it locally I will order it online but that takes a couple of weeks.
I am back at school this week and work every weekend, so may not be able to work at the same pace as you guys but - I sure am interested!

[Goannabanda]

Sounds great, count me in. I am just settling into the "doing the headwork" phase. We might need some time to get books organised.

Karen - could you kindly let me know how you get on with Borders? I'll have a hunt around for a local supplier too. Otherwise I'll order from Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

[kebsa]

Not a problem Goanna, I will give them a buzz in the am and let you know tommorrow evening. THe barnes and Noble option talks about delivery times of about 14 days depending on how mauch you pay for handling- I get a lot os stuff from amazon and similar companies and 2 weeks seems about average

[Idahobeauty]

As a bus passenger at the moment, I am in as well.!

[Alicia521]

I'm in. Totally in!

[AnnDe]

Would like to join this bus trip! Only if I can set in the front of the bus!! LOL Count me in.. Sounds like I need to come down for a Monday Meeting! I just ordered the book. Should be here before March 12th! Yeah!!! Looking forward to it.

[SheryBery]

Please count me in, too. I'm having a horrible time at the moment, getting outta my head. I'm discouraged and need a kick in the ass! Any volunteers??
Also, do we need to get the workbook, and if we do, where do we get it?

[JDru]

Great idea P'Nut!! I am so grateful for the support I receive here, I don't know how people do it alone. I will order the book today!

[PhotoNut]

Remember everyone - Do NOT order the book. Order the WORKBOOK!
They both have the same name, but it is the workbook that we will be going through.

Here is the link for ordering the workbook online through Barnes and Nobel:
Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life, by Steven Hayes (http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?ean=9781572244252&z=y). They have it listed for $18.

If we need to wait an additional week for everyone to get their workbooks, thats fine with me.
But I would like to start as soon as we can. I need this!

[PhotoNut]

Our local bookstores, including Barnes and Noble, didn't have the workbook in stock so I ordered it through B&N online. It stated that orders usually ship within 24 hours, and I chose the 3-5 days or less shipping option.

My total purchase including shipping was $23.02

[SheryBery]

I just got mine ordered. I think I really need this. Thanks Sue.

[dynamomini]

Count me in, I just ordered the book, ooops, back to the drawing board!

[dynamomini]

Done! I guess I'll just get both the book and workbook. Oh well, too much knowledge can't hurt! :heh:

[PhotoNut]

I can hardly wait to begin the

:bonk: :compress: :duh: :bonk2:


I wonder how many of you have seen this thread and have been going :cyn: or :bolt: ?

[Txblue_eyedqt]

Im in ordering workbook today....

[Txblue_eyedqt]

OK, Im a nerd, I know I just posted, but I already ordered my workbook!!!
im excited.....

[PhotoNut]

Awesome Cynthia! I've added you to the list. :)

[Txblue_eyedqt]

thanks, I cant wait to start!

[Glo]

I believe the workbook is entitled Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life. It's action therapy! Great stuff!

[PhotoNut]

I believe the workbook is entitled Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life. It's action therapy! Great stuff!

It IS, Glo!! *rofl* I edited the thread title this morning to shorten it a bit and screwed up on that bit! I'll change it now. Too funny!

Thanks for the correction!
This really has been a :BigB: day for me! LOL!

[okielapgirl]

Count me in! PLEASE!!!

[PhotoNut]

Okie dokie! Get your workbook ordered. :)

[Kat817]

OK, lifes been a little crazy, and I missed the bus analogy---so have no idea what's going on....but just the title of this thread, describes the need I have in my life right now. Can I get a link to the analogy---or a quick synopsis---so I know if this is something I can do or not? Pretty Please????
Kat

[PhotoNut]

Sure Kat, hang on.

[PhotoNut]

I don't know about "quick synopsis"... afterall, I wrote it... but here it is. LOL!


Last night I went to our local support group meeting and some of the things that the psychologist touched on really sparked some deep thoughts in my head. Yeah, I know - dangerous territory! heh

Anyway, someone mentioned past emotional hurts or traumas and the psychologist said something that struck me as so profound, so I had to share it with you. She said that when we are faced with something hurtful, our typical reaction is to deny that it hurts; to push that feeling of pain aside; to try and get it out of our heads; to try and aleviate the pain as quickly as possible; to try and eliminate the memory from our minds so it doesn't come up again to haunt us. However, all of those things do more harm than good. She said that no matter what, we will carry those memories with us but we don't have to be shackled by the memories. She said that our lives are like taking a trip on a bus. All of the memories we have are passengers on the bus. They aren't going to get off the bus, they are there for the duration of the trip. Sometimes they will ride quietly but other times they will become loud and obnoxious passengers that get our attention and upset the trip. And, it is in those times that we begin to be reminded of the pain so we start looking for the typical response of relieving the pain.

When we have physical pain, we run to the medicine cabinet and take pain relievers. When we have emotional pain, we run to [insert your pain reliever of choice here]. For me that pain reliever has been food. I actually feel a physical sense of comfort when I eat. I can feel the tension leaving my body. I can feel the stress being calmed. I can feel the pain being comforted. And all the while, I'm stuffing in more and more food because I want to continue those good feelings. I don't want to stop and face the pain again. Now that I'm banded this presents a new problem. I have good restriction and I can't eat much. So, my band says "Stop! That's enough!" but my emotions are screaming out "No! No! Don't stop! This feels so good. You NEED this comfort. How can you stop now?" *sighs* And I force another bite in on an already full pouch.

Those of us who have chosen food as our pain reliever of choice have encountered a very negative side affect of our "drug". It's called obesity and its is worn on the outside where the world can see - and judge. We face embarassment, humiliation, rejection, and numerous other issues that are nothing more than more unruly passengers getting on our bus. There are millions upon millions of people in this world that have chosen different drugs - alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, spending money.. the list is endless. For them, the side affects aren't as visible as obesity but they are there, trust me, they are there.

Anyway, back to last night's meeting -- I sat there thinking about that metaphor as people in the group shared about the struggles they are going thru at this stage of their weightloss journey and it hit me so hard - food isn't the issue. Take away the food and there's going to be something else there. Another unruly passenger that is distracting us. Grabbing our attention and upsetting us. Suddenly it dawned on me. The passengers are merely distractions! What I need to do is turn around and find out who's driving the damn bus!! *laughs*

Seriously though, what the psychologist said about accepting the pain is exactly what the book is about. We can attempt to cover up the issues with the pain relievers of our choice, but all we succeed in doing is causing more issues. For me, the time has come to accept the painful memories and learn how to keep them as passengers on my bus BUT its also time for me to find out who's driving and pull them out of the driver seat. I should be the driver, and this thing I've allowed to drive me to utter depression has to become a passenger again.

More to come as the thoughts progress....

Thanks for listening. :)

[mocameg]

As a newbie, I would like to get off to a good start, so count me in as well. I really need to make this work and that means addressing the head issues!! I'll order my workbook tonight.

Thanks,

[Kat817]

Thanks P'nut--I appreciate your finding that for me. A counselor I saw for quite awhile used a similar analogy---and it does make sense.
I did turn to food, in somewhat of a different manner--but food to assuage my fears none the less.
I spent as mentioned before a lot of time addressing my fears, and never really made much head way. I am at a happy place in my life right now, and to be very honest, I am not willing at this point in time to revisit things in the detail it would require.
My ex husband was brutally abusive. He is currently serving out the last 6 years of his sentence in my attempted murder. Just thinking about it turns my stomach...and I know I will have to once again have to attend his parole hearing. It used to turn me into a total basket case! But since the banding, I have had to (food would not fit anymore!!!) find another release, and have turned to exercise when I want to eat. Last hearing, when we left the office, I told my DH, find me a park, I need to walk for awhile....and walk we did!!
I am not fooling myself that it is gone for me, like my scars it will be with me forever...but even though it may sound like a weak cop-out, I don't want to dig up the pain---I want to enjoy the happy now. I am going to have to face it when he does get out I am sure---but I want to enjoy the peace of knowing he is locked up---and enjoy my life as it is right now.
I hope you all have great results with your workbook---it makes perfect sense. I just don't think I am up to that right now...so I have decided to let P'nut drive my bus!!! Drive us someplace warm Susan I am sick of snow!!!
Thanks for being so supportive and understanding of my decision.
(((hugs)))
Kat

[PhotoNut]

Oh Kat, I can completely understand where you are coming from.

I have been digging up my past so long now that Im sure there's nothing left to dig. I'm sick to death of hashing and re-hashing the same old crap. I'm just trying to find a way to deal with it enough that I can possibly enjoy SOME of my life before Im too damn old! LOL!

I think you are making a very strong, very wise decision for yourself, Kat. I don't see it as a copout in any way. Each of us knows when its time to deal with things in our lives, and we also know when its NOT the right time. I'm glad you were able to stand up with confidence and say this isnt the right time for you. That's awesome.

[PhotoNut]

Im happy to have you with us Mocameg :)

[Glo]

Here is a link to an interview with the author of Get Out of Your Mind and Into your Life.

www.newharbinger.com/client/client_pages/monthinterview_HAYES.cfm (http://www.newharbinger.com/client/client_pages/monthinterview_HAYES.cfm)

Have a great day everyone!

[Kat817]

Awww the always gracious Susan---thanks for the kind words---they are ALWAYS appreciated!!! Enjoy your group--I'll be pulling for all of you!
Kat

[JDru]

I just received my workbook in the mail...I can't wait to start on March 10!

[PhotoNut]

Thank you Glo!! I read the entire interview with Stehpen Hayes, the author of our workbook, and I learned a LOT!

Everyone who will be doing this study should take a few minutes and read the article that Glo told us about in her last post. It will help you understand what the premise behind the workbook is, and will give you an idea about where we will be going with this study.

I am SO freaking excited about this. I have been saying for the past year that I am sick and tired of going into my past to dig up emotions and feelings and trying to make them better or to make them go away. They never do. What happened to me was bad, it was sad, and it's never going to be viewed by me or anyone else as something that is now "OK". So, I wanted guidance from someone who could teach me how to get out of the depressing cycle of emotions and how to start living!

[Idahobeauty]

I HAVE to order my book. Do you think the local Barnes and Noble would have it?

[JDru]

Susan I had to order mine online...it wasn't at my local store. But it got here in 2 days in the mail.

[Idahobeauty]

Oh cool thanks. I guess I will have to stop being such a procrastinator and just order it...LOL

[PhotoNut]

I called Barnes & Noble and Hastings, neither had it. I ordered mine on Tuesday. Havent gotten it yet.

[NotSoFunny]

I'm in. I am going to order mine tomorrow. I am in a weird boat with this tho. My fat issues were not from emotion, but from a physical issue. I think that the difficulty in losing it was also from some physical issues. But I am the first to say I have other emotional issues to work out. I put pressure on myself. Extreme pressure. And it has not drug me down yet, but I know if I keep up my ways it will. With my new distributorship I am finally allowing myself to step back and take some time out just for myself. I need to grab ahold of this time that I have available because I know I will put pressure on myself again in the future. Its how I work best. I thrive with stress. Finding another way to live would be great! :) I am all for doing these exercises with everyone.

[PhotoNut]

My workbook arrived today!

I recommend that everyone read the introduction when they get their workbook. It will give you a good idea of what we are going to be doing. Then, we will all begin on Chapter One when we start.

[okielapgirl]

My workbook will arrive on Tuesday. I can't wait to get it!

[PhotoNut]

Ok, Funny, I've got you added to the group list.

So, where is everyone with the workbook purchasing? Is everyone going to be ready to begin Chapter One on Saturday, March 10th? That's one week from today.

[Idahobeauty]

My book should be here soon. I ordered friday night.

[AnnDe]

:yay2: I Just got home from a BD party! Guess what the mail man brought while I was gone! My book! :yahoo: ready to go now!~

[dynamomini]

I just got the workbook for 13 dollars on Amazon.com. I'm ready to go. Just let me know!

[kujayhawk]

Count me in. It will be a huge support to me

[PhotoNut]

Welcome to the group, kujayhawk! :)

[kujayhawk]

thank you so much Photonut. It's been great talking to you

[catkreeger]

Hey Photonut, Hope you add me to the list also.I ordered my book from Amazon.com 16.00. I will be banded on March 7th and the book says it will be here for the 9th. Looking forward to the study group.

[PhotoNut]

Awesome Cat! I'm so glad you'll be joining us. I'll get you added to the group list now.

Those of you ordering the workbooks on Amazon. Double check to be sure you've ordere the workbook and not the book by the same name! eeek!

[PhotoNut]

I figured this group would want a more private place to chat, since we will most likely be in deep discussion about personal things once we get started. So, we have set up a private chat room for the study group. It will require a password to enter. Once everyone has their workbooks and we are ready to begin, I will PM the password to each group member.

Also, once we begin, if any of the study group members want to get together in the private chat room to talk about the workbook, its accessible at any time.

To enter the private room, you'll need to select the Study Group: Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life chat room from the Room droplist located just above the main chat window in the b2g Chat. You will be prompted to enter the password and will then be moved to the private room, where only those in the room will see the conversation.

[catkreeger]

Yipes phtonut, went back to Amazon and they only have one book by steven hayes and it does not say workbook, also went to B&N site and still do not see workbook.Help

[catkreeger]

I must have ordered the book but that is ok I want to read it .But also want the workbook.

[PhotoNut]

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?ean=9781572244252&z=y

That ^^^ is where I ordered by workbook. It cost $23 including shipping, which takes 3-5 days.

Maria told us that the book is very clinical. But hey, if you can grasp that super high falootin' mumbo jumbo, more power to ya! LOL!

Everyone will have to have the workbook, not the book, in order to do the study along with the group.

[SheryBery]

Got mine on Saturday.

[Alicia521]

Got mine today!

[kebsa]

Not sure how much longer it will take for the book to arrive here in Australia, I ordered it last week and paid for expedited deliver but it still said 7 to 12 days- so could be late this week but may be next week.

the chat room is a good idea, I will just have to figure out the time difference- luckily i am a night owl anyway

[Chisaimama]

I haven't ordered the book yet but will as soon as possible.

[Txblue_eyedqt]

got mine in on saturday as well!!!

[PhotoNut]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the updates. We will begin on Saturday -IF- enough people have their books. I'm more than happy to wait for those who have ordered the workbook and are waiting for delivery. :)

[PhotoNut]

Here's what I'm showing as of today. Anyone have an update for me?


PhotoNut (Susan, Idaho) - has workbook
Kebsa (Karen, Australia) - ordered, waiting for delivery
Goannabanda (Anna, Australia)
Idahobeauty (Susan, Idaho) - ordered, waiting for delivery
Alicia521 (Alicia, Tennessee) - has workbook
Chevygirl (DeAnn, Washington) - has workbook
SheryBery (Cheryl, Idaho) - has workbook
JDru (Jessica, Utah) - has workbook
Dynamomini (Michelle, Colorado) - has workbook
Txblue_eyedqt (Cynthia, Texas) - has workbook
Okielapgirl (Sarah, Oklahoma)- ordered, waiting for delivery
Mocameg (Idaho)
FunnyDuddies (Amy, Florida) - ordered, waiting for delivery
Kujayhawk (Kansas)
Catkreeger (Cathy, Mississippi)
Berry (Sherri, Massachusetts) - ordered, waiting for delivery
Chisaimama (Margaret, Idaho) - ordered, waiting for delivery

[NotSoFunny]

i have not had a chance to order my workbook. i will get to it today, promise :) if I get it late I will do the first bit on my own, and then work on the rest with y'all.

[Laurel86]

hey is this the same person who has the chat room going? i tried to get in and it says i need a password? whats the password?

[Chisaimama]

I have ordered the book and should have it by Thursday evening March 8. Keep me posted.

[PhotoNut]

hey is this the same person who has the chat room going? i tried to get in and it says i need a password? whats the password?
Hi Laurel, yes this is the same group that will be using that chatroom for discussions on the workbook we are going to do together. No one has the password yet, because the study group hasn't begun yet. If you wish to purchase the workbook and join the study, youre more than welcome to. :) Not all of the discussions about the workbook will be in the chat room. This thread will contain a lot of the discussions and thoughts as we work our way through the book. However, I thought there might be times when we would like to get together to have a chat about how we feel about the study and how its affecting us.

And by the way, there was no one in that chat room when you were asking for the password. I made the chat room private, not because we are being exclusionary or secretive, but because we will need to have a place to talk without interruption from others who just want to chat and dont realize we have a specific topic of discussion going. I know you felt it was being rude to keep people out. That isn't what that chat room is about at all. I hope that helps.

Chisaimama, I'll get your status updated! :)

Funny, hurry up and get it ordered. We can wait for ya a day or so if necessary.

[kebsa]

I had an email from B&N saying that they have had a delay in dispatch ( I wonder if there has been a bit of a run on stock!!)they say they hope to dispatch in within 5 days but then still have the internatonal delivery time on top- we southern hemisphere bods may have to play catch up

[Goannabanda]

I ordered my book from Amazon.com today, via priority courier - it should ship tomorrow, and get here in 3 to 5 days time. So, I might be a couple of days behind by the time the book gets here, but I should be able to catch up.

[mocameg]

I got mine yesterday and I am ready to go!!

[Glo]

I'm in! I already had the workbook--I think it's better to have interaction--to motivate me to actually set the goals and live my life. Thanks for the opportunity!

I think privacy and trust is extremely important also.

[Glo]

I'm in! I already had the workbook--I think it's better to have interaction--to motivate me to actually set the goals and live my life. Thanks for the opportunity!

I think privacy and trust is extremely important also.

Glo

[Glo]

Sorry to have sent this message twice. I guess I'm really anxious to get out of my mind and into my life. My mind is a dangerous neighborhood to visit at night :)

[PhotoNut]

I think the entire group would agree that it's important for us to wait for all who have ordered their books and are awaiting delivery. Rather than starting this weekend, let's plan on starting either March 24th or 31st. As the books begin to arrive, we will take another look at our starting options.

Again, those who already have the book should read the Introduction and the interview with the author that GLO told us about. Click Here (http://www.newharbinger.com/client/client_pages/monthinterview_HAYES.cfm) to see the interview.

I have updated the status of everyone's workbook purchases on the first post of this thread.

Also, there are two more people that will be joining the group soon. :)

[SheryBery]

Just FYI, I'll be gone from March 24 - 31st on a trip with the kids for Spring Break. I've read the intro and the 1st couple pages of chap. 1. I think this will be great. I'll be back in town the 31st. Sorry to throw a kink into plans. But I'm sure I can catch up.

[okielapgirl]

My book has arrived!

[kebsa]

Eagerly waiting arrival of the workbook- wll keep you posted!!

[NotSoFunny]

i ordered my workbook. i will let everyone know when it comes in

[Chisaimama]

I got my book today.

[PhotoNut]

Ok, everyone. Sorry to be slow in doing the updates, but they are done as of today.

I'm thinking we should plan to start on March 31st. And I might have something exciting to report on Monday afternoon. *grin*

[SheryBery]

Yer a tease!

[JDru]

Tell us P'Nut!! Secrets don't make friends...

[PhotoNut]

*laughs* Nope, you're going to have to be patient. I can't tell you anything until I have more information.

[Glo]

March 31st sounds GREAT!! The next day, we'll all be April fools, :)

[NotSoFunny]

i am still waiting. i have not received any tracking info. i hope mine is not backordered. :(

[PhotoNut]

I haven't forgotten about the surprise I was going to tell you about. It's just still in the works, so I want to wait until everything is final before I say more.

How's everyone doing? Still anxious to get started? Can I get some updates on those who are still waiting for their work books?

[Alicia521]

Ugh P'Nut, come on tell us! :)

[LindaV]

I've ordered my workbook. Hopefully it will get her by early next week or I will be playing catch-up.

[Goannabanda]

My workbook has arrived - sort of. We weren't home, so they courier didn't leave it. It's to be delivered it to DH's work address today, but I won't get it until Monday night after he's next at the office.

[PhotoNut]

Alicia.. nope! :neener:

Linda.. awesome! I'll get you added to the group list.

Goanna.. great! I'll get you updated on the list.

[kebsa]

Mine arrived today! and I have had a quck browse through!!

[PhotoNut]

Good deal, Karen! I'll get ya updated.

[JDru]

When is the secret going to be revealed??

[Glo]

While you're waiting for the secret to be revealed, the book to be delivered, etc--please go and "weigh in" with your opinion on the "To tell or not to tell thread.

I had a regular therapy session on that thread. I'm usually pretty brief with my posts...but "hearing" others articulate on that particular "Head Issue" has really encouraged me to process the feelings that have been shared!

[PhotoNut]

Wow, I've been so busy with stuff that I hadn't checked this thread in a day or so.

So, the secret.. well.. its still a secret! LOL! Sorry, I found out that I have to have some confirmation before I can tell! LOL! Suuufffferrrr! *cackles*

Glo, I'm going to read your therapy session now!

[PhotoNut]

Wow, Glo. I just read the entire thread and I'm so touched by how many people have opened up and shared some very deep and revealing things about themselves. Here is that thread for those that want to have a good read. Click here (http://band2gether.net/showthread.php?t=2396).

So this got me thinking... Ok stop screaming and come back here!! LOL!

Seriously, why don't we use this time to begin to know one another a bit better. We are all about to do a pretty in-depth look at ourselves thru this study group. I think it might help to start sharing some before we begin.

So, if each of you would spend a few minutes thinking about the following questions and then post your thoughts, it would be a great start. You don't have to answer all of the questions, just use them as a thought-provoking guide.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?

What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?

Do you think you'll succeed?

Do you feel in control with the band?

Why did you decide to join this study group?

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?

Do you feel safe here?

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?

When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person?

[dynamomini]

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?
I have successfully lost weight only to regain that weight and more. I am a feel addict, I need support. The band will curb my appetite and keep me from regaining when I am "off". I didn't want the other WLS because I am committed to a healthy life and feel that you don't get proper nutrition with bypass.

What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?
I want to be healthy and get off as many medications as I can for my health. I want to look good, feel good, and have positive thoughts about myself.

Do you think you'll succeed?
Yes, I know I'll succeed. The band will help me with the parts that I haven't been able to do alone.

Do you feel in control with the band?
I don't know yet, my banding is happening on April 16th. I think doing some of the headwork is essential in whatever order.

Why did you decide to join this study group?
I am following all the advice, books suggested, everything that I find on the websites. I didn't know how supportive having a group would feel. It has been great for me. You all "get" me. I didn't realize how lonely I had felt with these weight issues.

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?
Learning about yourself is a life long commitment. I want to grow in understanding and coping. I think it is important to pick up many tools to reinforce a new lifestyle.

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?
I see a therapist and a trainer. I also have been getting acupunture which has freed up my energy to make decisions for myself and well being. My friends are wonderful, but many don't have eating disorders. So far they are supportive of my choice, but there seems to be some doubt for a few. We'll just have to see about how they come along.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?
I am not sure. I know I need to move forward, however, understanding helps me to let certain things go and knowing what things are triggering poor choices. So both are important. Not to get stuck in the past, but some understanding helps.

Do you feel safe here?
I have found the love and acceptance on this site amazing. People really understand me and support my journey. I want to be there for everyone too. I shunned "fat" people all my life, thinking I wasn't like them or felt a raging shame about my extra pounds. Well, guess what? I am obese and it has been freeing to share issues and know everyone I am sharing with understands. Wow! This rocks.

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?
I have trouble keeping my mouth shut, so vocal member is probably more my style. I learn a lot by listening too

When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person?
This is one of the lifestyle changes that has really helped me. I have learned how to figure out my boundaries and express them. I used to be a run and hide person, beat myself up, then comfort myself with food. Now, I am quietly clear when I need to say something, even if it is unpleasant. My motivation is not cruel or mean, but sometimes things need to be said, although I like an invitation for that kind of forthright communication. Being a bull in a china shop never accomplishes much.

Hope that helps. I have worked on two chapters so far and find the workbook, pretty easy and self explanatory. I found the idea that language causes pain an interesting concept. I am trying to read a chapter a week. It is a lot to digest.
Best wishes everyone,
Michelle :wink2:

[okielapgirl]

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?
Because I am a food addict and was gaining alot of weight and hurting myself and my family. After a lot of research, I knew that the band was going to help "save me" from my addiction along with the proper therapy. I know I have to do the work but the band is going to (and is) helping me.

What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?
I want to participate in life and not be so afraid that everyone else is better than me because they are small. I am tired of the "fat" mom label. I want to run, play, jump and not be worn out all the time (which is what I'm doing now) and I just want to be proud of myself that I accomplished something.

Do you think you'll succeed?
I am already! I have no doubts in my mind that I will make it to my goal. I tell myself that every single day...even if I have a bad day.

Do you feel in control with the band?
Most days I feel in control. ON bad days I feel like I am out of control. Overall though it has been exactly what I needed to help keep me in check with my food.

Why did you decide to join this study group?
Because I really need to work on the emotional side of why I want to eat. I'm 6 months out and I have not really gotten rid of the binge thoughts. I am doing better with it, but I will be someone who has to work at this forever to get it right.

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?
Forming some new friendships and getting to know people who share the same struggles as me. I am also interested in learning more about myself. I hope to gain some knowledge on how to better deal with the emotional aspect of this journey.

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?
Yes, I am in therapy as well as OA. I also have a close friend who is banded so I have a big support system.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?
For me, it is a little bit of both. In a perfect world I would love to just stop focusing on food so much and not want to have to shove food down my throat when I have emotional day...but to me that is not realistic. With the band, I've already changed as I can't and won't shove food down but it still doesn't mean that I don't have those complusive thoughts of wanting to do it and wanting that high feeling. I don't get it anymore because I have to eat so cottin pickin slow. :heh: I just want to learn the why's and see if I can come to terms with the new me and try to be happy with the journey and some day the final result.

Do you feel safe here?
I do. I sometimes feel overwhelemed because I still feel "new" and that is only because I can't be here as much as I would like but I'm trying to set aside so much time per day to come here as this is my therapy. It really is...coming here and giving support and getting it..just feels like HOME to me.

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?
I'd like to be active.

[kebsa]

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?
Medical necessity, I was MO and treatment I needed was likely to make me gain weight

What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?
Feeling alive again, being able to get a prosthetic leg and improve my mobility and independance. TO avoid losing my remainin independance if my ms worsens

Do you think you'll succeed?
Fear is the great initial motivator, but now i know that I am worth the effort this will take- that it is real, it is doable and there are others who have faced the same kinds of problems and have achieved success

Do you feel in control with the band?
I do these days ( most of the time), there was a time where I thought it had not been a good move for me as I was not losing weight and had lots of issues due to the diagnoss of ms
Why did you decide to join this study group?
I have know for a long time that there is far more to this problem than the physical issues. I believe that being significantly overweight severely damages our ability to see ourselves accurately- we need to work at learning to see our tru images- face what has made us fail in the past so that we do not fal again

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?
Confidence in my ability to "see" the real me, to accept the real me as a work in progress. to be a work in progress that is real and possible

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?
I have support from work collegues but they do not really understnad the issues with beng MO and being dsabled. I hve a very supportive family Doctor who is shouting about my success from the roof tops, I am going back to a therapist for ongoing support for both the weight and disability issues ( 2 recent MS flares). Do not have any family nearby ( only a brother who lives the other sde of Aust) my brother seems to look at me like his little sister who never gets things quite right- I have not told him about the weight loss recntly- I want to wait until I have gotten to near normal then hit him with it to prove that ll sis can succeed- at the moment he waould just say that I have to prove I can do it and keep t off. I wnat hm to be proud of what I have done

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?

I was sexually abused as a child/teen for a number of years, that destroyed my confdence in myself, I think I started trying to hde from the unwanted attention behind the weght- did not work! I think I still protect myself frompersonal pain/relationships by being fat. I do not worry about being alone anymore but I do not want to go through like being scared of relationships. I need to be more at ease with myself and my slef image before I can feel safe with others- the abuse was a huge betrayal, and even as an adult only a few years ago, my father "tried it on" again- that made me feel childlike and vulnerable all over again as well as feeling guilty that I hurt him by rejecting his attention- he has died now but I have been left with feeling I hate hm and love him- i want to put all this in the right perspectve.
SO i think for me its a bit of both issues- I need to understand how I got to where I am, that means understanding what happened to me and why I reacted like I did. but I need to take the power back from ths siutation. I need to be able to accept that waht happened helped make me who I am now but it will not always dictate the person I will be. I need to take control and say that it happened, it was wrong, I am safe now and this cannot keep hurting me now. Aknowledge the past, understand it and move forward from it

Do you feel safe here?
Very, I would not have jsut said the previous stuff if i did not feel 100% safe- I do not trust easily usually but I do trust this place and the people in it

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?
Not sure, there will be times I will be very active and times when it is harder to do that- I have done some of this stuff before and I know that a lot of stuff we did not know was an issue can become apparent- I am hoping that in true b2g style that we wll see when each other may be struggling and that we will help support, encourage, challenge each other so that we can help each other deal with our issues


When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person?
Can be either. I am will run and hide to a point but ther is usually that one last step that makes the difference between hding again of taking a stand. like having the ms flare last year, losing the use of my only leg, was the think that suddenly said I could not run from my weight issues anymore- I had to win no matter what

Sorry this has been long winded, but very thought provoking

[JDru]

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?
Mainly for my health. I have a lot of helath issues for being so young: high blood pressure, insulin reisistance, high triclycerides. Plus heart disase and diabetes in my family. Of course there are the secondary benefits of looking and feeling better too.


What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?
Feel better about myself and be healthy. I really want to have a baby in the next few years so I want to be able to keep up with the kids.


Do you think you'll succeed?
Most days I feel like I'm succeeding...other days I wonder what the hell I am doing. I know that there is no way I could have lost 30 pounds AND kept it off for this long in the past so that is a success right there.

Do you feel in control with the band?
Definitely more than I did before I was banded...it kind of gave me a new outlook and perspective. But there are some days when I kind of give up and say I don't care. That is something I'd like to work on.

Why did you decide to join this study group?
I really need to work on the head hunger issues and I knew this would be a safe place to share my experiences and learn from others.

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?
Get in touch with why I use food as a coping mechanism.

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?
My mom is wonderful! In fact, she's the one who initally suggested I look into Lap Band. It actually hurt my feelings at first, but I came around. :) I also go to therapy once a week.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?
A little of both. Like I said earlier, I need to get in touch with some of my deeper feelings and doing so will enable me to put the past behind me. I tend to hang on to the past way too much so that is definitely something I'd like to work on.

Do you feel safe here?
I feel very safe here.


Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?
Probably more active, but sometimes I just like to sit back and observe.

[Goannabanda]

oooh, thought provoking stuff. Here's my initial thoughts, I might want to review / edit later as I mull the questions and my responses over further.

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?
Desperation. I could see the life ahead that awaited me, as my weight inevitably crept up year by year, and I was desperate to avoid it and change it for the better. I was rapidly losing hope that I'd ever find a way to gain some control and success over my weight. The AGB appeared as a tool that could help. Although I knew it was very succesful, I doubted that it would work for me, after so many other failures that I had in my weight loss to date, but went ahead anyway as I felt like it was almost my last hope.

What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?

I didn't have the surgery to ever become whippet thin, but I do have a burning desire to be as healthy and well as I can be, for as long as I can.
I was also praying that the band would help me to improve the level of control that I had over my appetite and eating habits.

Do you think you'll succeed?
I feel like I already am succeeding. Immediately after surgery, I found that I had enough restriction to provide me a great deal more control over the appetite / food issues that had plagued me pre-banding. Even if I don't lose much weight, the value of this small change, and the emotional relief that this has brought is priceless, and a gift that I will always be thankful for.

Do you feel in control with the band?

I have up days and down days, but even on my down days, I feel a lot more in control than I ever did, even as a little kid.

Why did you decide to join this study group?

I feel like I've got a lot of head work to do, and for the first time in my life, I've got a tool that works for me, as well as a support network who is meaningful and understands me. The people at b2g really 'get' me, and I really 'get' them.

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?

I am not entirely sure - other than I hope that I will find new understanding of what makes me tick, and how I can use that knowledge to my best advantage.

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?
Yes - husband, parents and in-laws, friends (banded, unbanded and church family), real-life bandster support group at the hospital, and of course the medical team should I need to call on them.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?

Both. I have a strong sense of place and self, although I am pretty sure that this image is skewed. I don't think that I fully understand why I am who I am, so finding out more about why I am me would help to adjust the mental picture I have of myself. Learing what to do with that altered self-understanding, how to use it as a tool to improve my life would be fantastic.

Do you feel safe here?

Yes - as safe as I ever could feel online.

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?

It depends on the issues, and tack that our study takes. Some issues are way beyond my experience, so in those occasions I would try and take a back seat.

When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person?
Depends on the issues. Sometimes I can be really outspoken, others I'll just shut up shop and try and pretend something isn't happening. Other times I'll try and make light of things that are really bothering me - which is probably why I am not in touch with all of the emotional issues that are contributing to making me the person and weight that I am.

[PhotoNut]

Thank you all who have responded. I have read each word of every post!

I was hoping to get more of an open dialog going, with the questions as thought provoking guides, rather than just have everyone go thru the list and give an answer. I noticed a couple of you apologized for being long winded, but I actually -wanted- you to be long winded! haha! Kind of like, thinking out loud.

Also, feel free to respond to each other's posts and comments. I'm sure that many of us share similar hopes, goals, challenges, concerns, fears. So come on.. grab a cup of coffee or tea or a bottle of water and get comfy. Tell us what you didn't say before because you were concerned about being too long winded. *smiles*

[Alicia521]

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?

I chose surgery because I was tired of being unhealthy. My pregnancy made me realize just how unhealthy I was. Trying to keep up with a baby at my size was difficult. I want to live to see Harrison become a man, get married, have kids. I want to live my life. I felt like a fat girl on the sidelines. I was not an active participant of my life. I wanted to change that. I am changing that.

What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?
I want to achieve a healthy BMI. I want to become physically fit. I want to be around for a long time to see my family grow.

Do you think you'll succeed?
Yes, I already feel that I have with nearly 85 lbs lost. I do get discouraged but if I didn’t lose another pound it was still be worth it and I would still feel successful.

Do you feel in control with the band?
Most of the time I do.

Why did you decide to join this study group?
I have head issues that I have not dealt with since banding. I need to focus on me and what made me eat to begin with.

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?
I hope to get to the bottom of my emotional relationship with food.

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?
My family, my close friends. I do not participate in my lap band group meetings because they conflict with my schedule but I would like to try one next month.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life? Understanding why I am the person I have become..but I would like to put some of my past behind me.

Do you feel safe here?
Yes, I do.

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?
Depends on my mood really. Generally more vocal though.

When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person?
Again, depends on the mood. I’d say 50/50.

[cjyoung61]

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?
Medically necessary due to timeline for knee replacement surgery.

What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?
My original goal was to lose enough weight to have my right knee replaced, which occurred in July 2006.

Do you think you'll succeed?
I've already succeeded and am hopeful that I will continue to lose weight once I deal with the emotional issues and stop fighting the band.

Do you feel in control with the band?
Yes and no. I need to stop getting fills so I feel tight, and remember that the band is simply a tool for me to make better choices not a physical device to keep me from eating. I've gotten into the vicious circle of trying to eat until the band makes me feel full instead of choosing to eat less and stay fuller longer. Need to change my mindset.

Why did you decide to join this study group?
At Support Group in Boise when the social worker discussed some of the techniques used in the workbook and P-Nut's enthusiasm.

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?
Get a better handle on the emotional stuff, the Why's and What's of it.

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?
Yes, I have all of the above.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?
I know the answers to both questions, but need a refresher course to change the way I think about my issues.

Do you feel safe here?
Reasonably, except for the fact that chats in this forum (instead of the private chat room) are open to anyone not just members of b2g. Nonmembers cannot post, but they can definitely read what we post here.

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?
Probably both; however, I tend to listen more than vocalize. But I've been known to be an active vocal member in the past.

When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person?
Depends on the individual issue.

[mocameg]

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?

Nothing else has worked for me! I have tried so many diets over the years I have lost count. I was just diagnosed with an auto-immune diease that one of the possible syptoms is obesity. I just don't absorb the nutrients I need from the food I eat, so I am always craving more. This surgery will hopefully give me the tool I need to get it under control and eat more healthy and appropriately.


What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?

I want to be more healthy, but I really just want to be able to get down on the floor and play with my littlest one. I am tired of being side lined because I am unable to do the things my kids are doing. I want to feel better!

Do you think you'll succeed?

Yes. I am realistic though. I don't think it will be easy or a piece of cake but I can't afford (literally) to mess this one up. I was self pay and there isn't another savings account to fix it.

Do you feel in control with the band?

Not yet. I was banded four weeks ago and I am still recovering (I'm a pansy!) and trying to get it all figured out. I am very excited about the results I have seen so far though!

Why did you decide to join this study group?

It was said in one of the support group sessions that I attend that the band cures the belly hunger, but not the head hunger. I think the reason I am overweight is because of the head hunger. I have taken measures to control the belly hunger, now it's time to confront the head hunger!

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?

A better understanding of me and why I do and feel the things that I do.

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?

I attend the local bandsters support group. I can't always make it every month because of my work schedule, but I attend when I can. My DH is very supportive and has been behind me the whole way.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?

I don't really have a troubling past, so I just need to understand why I am who I am and how to accept that person.

Do you feel safe here?

Yes. Some of you who are local know who I am, but there is comfort in aynnominity (spelling?).

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?

I don't usually share a lot about me. The fact that I am taking part in this questionaire is odd! I will probably post some, but not a lot. I will definitely be reading it all and trying to process it though.

When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person?

To my detriment and in contrast to some of the other things I have said, I am a stand and fight sort of person. I am always right, just ask me!!

[Goannabanda]

Hi everyone - thanks for sharing your responses to Susan's questionaire. I hear parts of me in many of you - especially Alicia, given we have many similarities in our age, family life, work etc.
Keep posting!
Hugs,
Anna.

Update for P'Nut - I GOT MY BOOK TODAY!!!! HOORAY!!!

[PhotoNut]

You know what's funny? I have been avoiding this thread like crazy lately. I dont want to answer my own questions!! What a dork. I will before we get started tho.

Speaking of getting started. We will begin on March 31st, thats a week from today. We will read chapter 1 thru the week and anyone who wants to start up a discussion about anything in the chapter as you read it, please do! I would love to see some open dialoge going on as we read. I think a lot is learned about ourselves just thru talking things out.

Is there anyone I need to update now? Who is still waiting on their workbook?

[PhotoNut]

Oh one more thing. We can all read the online interview with the author, so I think it would be a very good idea to do that and then start sharing your first impressions about the author and his ideas behind this type of counseling.

Click here (http://www.newharbinger.com/client/client_pages/monthinterview_HAYES.cfm) to see the interview, and after you've read it please post comments for discussion here. Be open and honest about your impressions. Don't feel you have to be all positive and crap. If you think something he said is bullshit, feel free to say so! :)

[okielapgirl]

My first impressions about this author and this method of therapy are very positive. I have read and reread the interview quite a few times and I even tried doing one of the ACT exercises that he speaks about at the very end of the interview. It was very interesting to me to play around with this particular self-critical thought. I've never done that before and it really was the most interesting thing ever trying to think it and sing it and say it outloud fast and slow but not criticize the thought.

I'll keep adding stuff here as I reread. My entire family has been SUPER sick for the past 2 weeks and my head isn't really working correctly.

[Kathy]

I just ordered the workbook. Add me to the list, but please don't wait on me. It should be shipped tomorrow. I'll have it in no time. I have avoided this thread, too. :rolleyes:

[Kathy]

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?
I needed help and decided I wasn't going to try anymore without it. I was turning 40 and did not want to struggle through another decade trying to lose weight, feeling bad about myself, feeling unaccomplished and discouraged.

What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?
I want to feel confident, I want to no longer be able to use my weight as an excuse for why my life isn't what I want it to be.

Do you think you'll succeed?
I don't know. At almost 2 years out, I should be done but I'm not.

Do you feel in control with the band?
Nope, I haven't felt in control since I quit smoking. I don't think that's band-related, though. The band doesn't fix the head issues.

Why did you decide to join this study group?
I have head issues I'm ready to face, I guess. I need to do something differently, I'm just not sure how. It needs to happen at the thinking level, I think.

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?
I hope to get over my hump and start losing again.


Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?
Charlotte Bandsters, my sister (who will be getting banded soon, we hope) and my husband, who is a huge support.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?
Not sure, I just want to know where and how to change my thinking so that I see results in my life, not just with weight loss. The weight loss should be the symptom. I have always felt my outside represented my inside. I want the outside to look great so I know the inside is, too. Backward, maybe, but however I get there works for me.

Do you feel safe here? Yup

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines? A little bit of both. I'm a good cheerleader unless I'm the one needing the cheerleading. If that's the case, I tend to shut my trap and read.

When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person? Run and hide, for sure. I detest conflict.

[PhotoNut]

Hey Kathy, welcome to the group :)

I've been MIA the last couple of days. Not feeling so hot and dealing with some issues that popped up in my life. In fact, I haven't read the first chapter yet. Bad P'Nut! I will tomorrow night though.

I talked with Maria, the woman who got me started on this workbook, and she wont be able to join us on b2g as we had hoped because of liability issues. What a bummer! I was so hoping to have her around to help guide this study group. So much for the surprise. :( But! The good news is that Maria has offered to meet with me, or even a group of the local folks who are participating in this study group, on a semi-regular basis to talk about the workbook and how our study is going. So, if anyone hits a roadblock and we find ourselves needing some outside input for further understanding of the author's instructions or thoughts, Maria will be there to help us like that.

Anyway, she recommended that we spend two weeks on each chapter. Apparently there is a lot to digest, so we shouldn't go quickly. What she recommended is that we read through the chapter during the two weeks, taking our time to really think on the points the author brings up. Do the workbook assignments and have an ongoing discussion during the two weeks here on this thread. If at any time, the group wants to have a chat about a chapter or even one single point in a chapter that is really speaking to you, then we can get together in the chatroom and have a good time doing that.

So, are we all ready to begin on Saturday?? Its time to get out of our heads and into our lives! w00t!

[JDru]

I'm ready to start on Saturday!! What do we need to do to be prepared? Just read through the chapter?

[PhotoNut]

Actually, we can just start reading on Saturday. That was my original plan. Everyone go at your own pace of reading, but give yourself time to do the excercises and to dwell on what the author is saying. Stop reading when you come to a point that evokes thought. Spend time thinking on it and pick up the reading again the next day.

We have two weeks to go thru the chapter, so everyone take your time -- and come here to talk out anything thats on your minds as we go through the two weeks ok? Conversation and discussion is going to be a vital part of our group.

Love you guys, and I really believe that we are going to see some life-changing things happen in us thru this study. *hugs*

[Glo]

I think the 2 week idea is great. I'm the usual addict who wants to read the book in one day and "get it" just like that. I have a feeling this is going to be exactly like climbing on that exercise bike every day. It's the "just do it thing." I haven't answered the questionnaire because I was really testifying on the to tell or not tell site. However, I'm looking forward to knowing all of you better.

I do believe that we "know" each other more than we imagine, don't you think?

Also, I think these pictures of people's bottoms are hilarious. I haven't even uploaded a picture yet. I'm going to get my husband to take a picture of my backside because I can't really see it. I'm and elementary school teacher and one of my students commented yesterday, Mrs. S, your butt ain't half as big as it used to be."

[Chisaimama]

By here do you mean this thread or in a chat room. If it's a chat room how do we access the one we are using?

[Kathy]

I got my book today, just in the nick of time! :lol: I'm looking forward to it. So, I guess I'll just start posting my thoughts as I go along, and reading your all's thoughts as well. I think this is going to be good. :love:

[Chisaimama]

:yay2: Boy am I slow. Here are my answers to the questions, finally.

1. Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss? I have been heavy since I was in 3rd grade. I have tried everything else. I was having health issues like bad knees, asthma, not being able to get around well at work etc. I felt like this was my last hope. I also had to lose weight so I could have knee surgery this summer.
2. What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight? A heakthier happier life. Being able to do the things I want ot do without being in pain from it. An easier time with my knee surgery and recovery. Having people treat me with more respect and not assume that just because I'm obese I'm not capable.
3. Do you think you'll succeed? I am determined to succeed. I already feel so much better with just the weight I have already lost. I know it won't happen over night but I will succeed.
4. Do you feel in control with the band? I feel the band is helping me be in control. I can't eat as much food even if I'm stressed and this is a big help. I still have to talk myself out of eating the wrong things when I'm upset or stressed but even this seems easier with the band. Maybe it's just the fact that I had to work so hard to fund the band and get it that It's easier to tell myself no that I don't want to undo all the effort that is helping me be in control. I'm not sure.
5. Why did you decide to join this study grouop? I joined to help myself learn why I have let food control me and how to put those things in the back of the bus and get on with my life.
6. What do you hope to accomplish from this study? See above question
Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist? I have the two local Boise band support groups. They are my mainstay for support. There are some really great people in the groups. I have my sister that lives in Boise. She is very supporting of me but does not always understand what I'm going through. I have friends who are supporting but they also often do not understand what a MO person is going through or has gone through. They try to be supporting but often end up being irritating because they just don't understand.
7. What do you think would help you the most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with your life? I want to put the past behind and get on with my life.
8. Do you feel safe here? I feel safer here discussing this with people who know what it's like than even discussing it with family. Who just say your an adult so just get over what ever people said to you in the past.
9. Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines? I think it will depend on what the discussion is about. When I have something to say or ask I will participate sometimes I may be a listener. Sometimes I may have strong feelings about something we're discussing and sometimes I may need to think about it.
10.When you are faced with unsettling issues - are you a"stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person? That may depend on the issue and how upsetting it is to me. In daily life I often go out of my way to not create waves and often have given in to keep things on an even keel. As I have gotten older I have learned to stand up better for myself. I may not fight but I surely can stand up and discuss things without running and hiding.:bigthink:

[Kathy]

Notes From Kathy

Introduction~ACT:What it is and how it can help you.

ACT is a type of Therapy based on Relational Frame Theory, which is a basic research program on how the human mind works.

human beings are playing a rigged game in which the human mind itself has turned on it's host (hmmmmmmm, interesting, and probably true).

In attempting to solve problems, my logical mind "was" being asked to do what it was never designed to do and I have created suffering for myself. (I don't really understand this one yet...)

ACT asks me to have a fundamental change in my perspective.

The Battlefield Metaphor: I don't like this metaphor. If I'm on a battlefield and walk away, refuse to fight, I'm dishonorable. I'm a coward. That's not how the military works and I know it. This metaphor works for a street fight between gangs. In this scenario, it's more honorable to walk away. I know this. Even though I think this is a bad metaphor, I understand what it means. I can work with this. It reminds me of the discussion I had with my old friend David. He said "people can only hurt you if you let them" and we talked till the wee hours of the morning in his car outside my house...it took me forEVER to understand this. Anyhow, I get it. Appearance vs Substance. If you walk away, there's nothing to "fix". hmmmmmmmm.

I'm so intrigued! I can't wait to read all of your notes. I'll keep posting mine as I read through. Here we go, ya'll!

[PhotoNut]

Good morning everyone! I'm hoping everyone has begun to read their workbooks by now. Thanks for starting to post comments on the first Chapter, Kathy!

This week is going to be extrememly busy for me. On Thursday, I'm flying to Nebraska to spend Easter weekend with Sara and her family, and then Sara and I are driving her car back to Boise! Woot! Sara and her dog, Molly, will be staying with us for the summer and we hope to talk her into moving to Boise on a permanent basis. :)

So, please don't wait around for me to lead the pack. I never wanted to set it up with one leader anyway. It's a group discussion and study.

As for the chat room, it's all set up and ready to be used only by the members of this study group. I will PM the password to get into the chatroom in a moment. Please feel free to chat with each other there if you want to have a more interactive and personal dialoge. It doesn't have to be a scheduled chat, although we can arrange some of those too.

I hope everyone's having a wonderful weekend. And I especially hope that we will all soon be out of minds and into our LIVES!

Love you all!
*hugs*
Susan

[Kathy]

Notes From Kathy

Suffering: Psychological Quicksand

Still don't understand how anything I might be going through could be considered suffering...but I LOVE the quicksand metaphor. It's counterintuitive to lay down onto the quicksand. But it's what just may get you out of it. It's counterintuitive for me to exercise when I'm stressed but it "may" just be better for me than what I've been doing...eating sleeping temper-tantrumming...so I need to look at what's counterintuitive. Love that.

The Ubiquity of Human Suffering: I had to look up ubiquity. Seemingly present everywhere at the same time. hmmm. My wieght problems and struggles persist, even though I'm banded. I have failed to find a real solution. The band doesn't help the head. Not that I'm dissappointed in my band, nor do I regret it, nor do I feel as though it doesn't help. I KNOW without a doubt that I'd be hopeless without it. However, I'm listening to this ACT stuff...

Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Values: this is the part that seems a bit like "The Secret" thinking to me. I have my issues with that philosophy, personally, but I remain open-minded and willing to learn.

On to Chapter One for me...I have a list to make :rolleyes:

[Penni60]

Wow! I have ALOT of catching up to do.
First let me say that I have ordered the workbook and await it's arrival. Hopefully it will be here before the end of the week. I will play catch up as best I can.
Second, I will post answers to the questions.
Third, I will read the interview with the author and make my comments to all the above.

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss? My initial reason was very superficial and had nothing to do with getting healthy. I told myself that was the reason, to get healthy. Boy how I set myself up for failure. I wanted to be skinny and sexy. I realized this after I lost my band. I worked the band for about the first year then my weight loss slowed and I didn't understand why I wasn't that size 6 yet.

What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight? Again I just want to be as healthy as possible for the rest of my life. Not being banded anymore is more difficult (in my opinion) than having the band. I face my fears every day by not having that tool to help me lose.

Do you think you'll succeed? I hope to succeed. I can't even think positive about this journey because I am fighting it every day I get up. What I have to do is find the enemy and crush it. THen I will succeed.

Do you feel in control with the band? AGain having no band, I will substitute the band references to weight loss. I don't know that we can ever be in complete control of much of anything. We can have momentary control of things or issues but as with anything related to life it changes. You have to find other ways to control 'things'.

Why did you decide to join this study group? Just getting real tired of beating my head against the wall so I thought I would join you guys and we can all beat our heads against the wall. Sound like fun?

What do you hope to accomplish from the study? Greater insight into how my warped mind works so I can be more carefree and less stressed.

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist? John is my sounding board but as much as he wants to help he just doesn't understand some of my concerns. I do have a threapist I can call on. I have a really good friend that is a Life Coach and I could call her in a heartbeat. My daughters are very supportive and tell it like it is. AT least I taught them something that stuck. HONESTY.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life? All the men in my life have left me. My dad left on Christmas, my husband left me, my grandfather never showed affection. I do have a great guy in my life now but I want to understand why the important men in my life had such an impact on how I interpret their abandonment. Psychologically I know they left for their OWN reasons that had nothing to do with me. It wasn't a deliberate and hurtful thing they set out to do.

Do you feel safe here? Very much. It's like coming home to a warm blanket and having your dog waiting to lick your face with a warm cup of cocoa.

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines? More like a combination of both. There might be times I will be very vocal then other times I might just like to read and absorb.

When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person? Depends on the issue. I have stood and fought and I have run and hid. So if it is something I am passionate about and I feel a good hearty friendly debate is warranted then I will stand and fight. If the issue has no real relevance to me or a concern of mine then I will abstain.

[Penni60]

Notes From Kathy

Suffering: Psychological Quicksand

Still don't understand how anything I might be going through could be considered suffering...but I LOVE the quicksand metaphor. It's counterintuitive to lay down onto the quicksand. But it's what just may get you out of it. It's counterintuitive for me to exercise when I'm stressed but it "may" just be better for me than what I've been doing...eating sleeping temper-tantrumming...so I need to look at what's counterintuitive. Love that.

Hey Kathy, our whole lives are one big suffering cesspool. Here is my input. From the minute we are born, we begin suffering. We struggle to take that first breath. We are hungry, cold and confused. Our eyes hurt and can't understand why we are yanked from a nice warm place to this cold cruel world. SUFFERING! Yes I think so. As we grow we continue to suffer. It shapes us throughout our lives. Every experience we go through shapes our future experiences and how we deal with life. Our first encounter with love is a suffering experience. Does he love me like I love him? Will he cheat on me? Will he always love me? That is a mental suffering.

The Ubiquity of Human Suffering: I had to look up ubiquity. Seemingly present everywhere at the same time. hmmm. My wieght problems and struggles persist, even though I'm banded. I have failed to find a real solution. The band doesn't help the head. Not that I'm dissappointed in my band, nor do I regret it, nor do I feel as though it doesn't help. I KNOW without a doubt that I'd be hopeless without it. However, I'm listening to this ACT stuff...

Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Values: this is the part that seems a bit like "The Secret" thinking to me. I have my issues with that philosophy, personally, but I remain open-minded and willing to learn.

On to Chapter One for me...I have a list to make :rolleyes:


REally wish I have my book already. I could contribute more to the comments. I hope you all know that any comments I make are not meant to hurt anyone's feelings or step on any toes. I am just expressing my own experiences based on the subject discussed. I love you all I hope you all know this.

Sue you rock.

[Kathy]

OOOO, Penni, I'm glad you are here. Welcome! "Our whole lives are one big suffering cesspool" :lol: Yeah...when you put it that way, you are right! :)

I ordered in the Amazon Marketplace...greenlivingbooks.net...and it got here pronto fast.

[JDru]

I've had a crazy, crazy weekend!! I have read through the chapter and I will post my thoughts later when I actually have time to put a thought together. :)

[A1ikou]

OK, I know I am late coming but I just ordered the book from Amazon so can I join please. Took me a while to decide if a group thing was 'me' but then with such company, what else could I want to do. I should get it early next week and will read quick to catch up!

[tami]

Would like to get in on this workbook thing myself. Please Ma'am !!!!

[MsVicki]

Can I join in, pretty please? I bought the workbook over vacation. Have started reading the first chapter, but have not worked on the questions yet.

I just registered to this site, but I know many of you from LapBandTalk forum. So THIS is where you are hiding! I've been missing you.

[JDru]

Everyone is welcome!! We're just reading through chapter 1 right now and posting our thoughts/note/etc.

[NotSoFunny]

ok i am seriously po'd. i just called the place i ordered from and my workbook is still on backorder. :( i want to follow along.

[A1ikou]

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?

I had to do something! Due to insulin I was gaining and gaining and I could see my health and general fitness getting worse by the month. I was going to wait until my 40th to 'try by myself' but then needed my gallbladder out and decided to both at same time.
What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?

To get a life worth living. I dont want to be someone stuck in my house because Im too unfit to walk anywhere.
Do you think you'll succeed?

Don't know. I did think yes but am on such a -self imposed- plateau that right now I dont feel too successful...hoping it will change though.
Do you feel in control with the band?

Sometimes. I definitely don't and can't eat what I used to and like that feeling that there is a limit but then the junk still goes down and the band cant stop me putting that in my mouth.
Why did you decide to join this study group?

Because I did this...for 8mths I was a perfect bandster and the reson that changed is all in my head and I hope you guys will help me figure out what to do about it.
What do you hope to accomplish from the study?

To get to know me a little better and see if I can finally really do something about the eating issues that rule my life. One positive step will be worth it.
Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?

I have great support from friends and family at home and my online family are the best support simply because they really understand the issues that I come up against.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?

A bit of both I guess. But since I live in the moment and can't change the past I think its more about getting on with things now in a positive and self helpful way.
Do you feel safe here?

Yes. I come here even when I dont want to because my friends are here and I know they only want the best for me.
Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?

Both. When I feel I have something to contribute then I post, otherwise I read and think about what I have read.
When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person?

Run and hide. I am an ostrich, always have been and yet I will be compelled to come and at least read here and that will give me food for thought I have no doubt.

[MsVicki]

Why have you chosen to undergo surgery for weight loss?
I have tried EVERY possible diet at least once and many more than once. Some have been successful in the short-term, but I ended up gaining the weight back and more.


What do you hope to accomplish by being banded and losing weight?
I am TIRED of being TIRED. I want to play on the floor with my grandchildren. I want to participate in fun activities with my children. I want to ENJOY sex with my husband. I want to feel better and look better. I want people to look at me because I look nice, not to have kids point and stare because of my size.

Do you think you'll succeed?
I want to succeed, but a year after my surgery I am NOT a success story by any means. Right now, my head is in control.

Do you feel in control with the band?
NO. I think I’m going to smack the next person I hear say, “You are taking the EASY way out….why not just diet and exercise?” The band is a tool, but it is NOT the easy way out!
I have to admit that since banding, I have been able to stop taking insulin injections, in fact my A1c levels are a “normal” range and very much under control. I am not able to eat the quantities at each meal that I previously consumed, but I am still fighting with the head hunger and eating the wrong things. Unfortunately, those are the foods that put my weight on to begin with.

Why did you decide to join this study group?
It is once more “stab” at trying to figure out why I am so self-destructive. Maybe it will help me figure out WHY I am abusing myself continuously.

What do you hope to accomplish from the study?
I want to gain control of my life. I want to reverse the cycle of being depressed because I overeat, which makes me overeat because I’m depressed, so I overeat……..

Do you have some form of local support - a group, family members, friends, therapist?
My husband and kids are very supportive. My church family and best friends are also a big help. This forum as well as another LapBand forum are extremely beneficial.

What do you think would help you most - understanding why you are the person you've become, or learning how to put the past behind you so you can just get on with life?
A bit of both I guess. I have issues in the past that need addressing, but I also think that some things are best left in the past and moving forward.

Do you feel safe here?
Yes. I feel very safe expressing my thoughts here. I feel that you all are understanding where I’m “coming from”.

Do you think you'll be an actively vocal member of the study, or will you be more of an observer from the sidelines?
Both. I read and think about what I have read. If I feel I have something to contribute then I’ll post.

When you are faced with unsettling issues, are you a "stand and fight" or a "run and hide" person?
Definitely a “Run and hide” kind of person when we are talking about me. If the issue concerns my family, especially my kids, I will “stand and fight”…….(hmmmm, why is that?).

[Glo]

Suffering: Psychological Quicksand

Still don't understand how anything I might be going through could be considered suffering...but I LOVE the quicksand metaphor. It's counterintuitive to lay down onto the quicksand. But it's what just may get you out of it. It's counterintuitive for me to exercise when I'm stressed but it "may" just be better for me than what I've been doing...eating sleeping temper-tantrumming...so I need to look at what's counterintuitive. Love that.

The Ubiquity of Human Suffering: I had to look up ubiquity. Seemingly present everywhere at the same time. hmmm. My wieght problems and struggles persist, even though I'm banded. I have failed to find a real solution. The band doesn't help the head. Not that I'm dissappointed in my band, nor do I regret it, nor do I feel as though it doesn't help. I KNOW without a doubt that I'd be hopeless without it. However, I'm listening to this ACT stuff...

Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Values: this is the part that seems a bit like "The Secret" thinking to me. I have my issues with that philosophy, personally, but I remain open-minded and willing to learn.

On to Chapter One for me...I have a list to make :rolleyes:[/quote]

Here's my take on this suffering part...A long time ago I took part in a book study entitled The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. His first line in the book was:
"Life is difficult."

Then as he went on, he explained if we could just accept that life is difficult, then we transcended some of the difficulties--things couldn't "get" to us as bad anymore...we just began to suit up and show up for life--whatever it threw our way.

It's also like playing the cards you were dealt--I've been to Vegas--but no one ever offered to trade cards with me. Skillful action (or playing) leads to good results--same with the band...same with our relationships when we make deposits into a loved one's Emotional Bank Account.

I have several things to deal with--one is this weight...and accepting the band is a tool...not a final solution. There is action involved...I do not believe I can merely affirm something like, "I'm slim, trim, and healthy." It won't happen without the action. It's a cause and effect universe. I believe that this author plans to lead us to our own coping and action skills. Will we be grown-ups and accept the challenge and just do it? I can be a whiner.

I've got to go back and look at that battlefield part...I must have missed something there that was emotionally charged.

[A1ikou]

I got my book today and will begin reading tomorrow and continue Saturday when I have time to myself to digest and think! I'll post any comments when I have some to post.

[Kathy]

There is action involved...I do not believe I can merely affirm something like, "I'm slim, trim, and healthy." It won't happen without the action. It's a cause and effect universe. I believe that this author plans to lead us to our own coping and action skills. Will we be grown-ups and accept the challenge and just do it? I can be a whiner.

One thing I noticed about The Secret, when I read it, was that the affirmation leads to the correct action. This, I believe, is where the ACT therapy meets The Secret philosophy (I'll call it) so nicely. This ACT helps explain to me why The Secret tends to work. In my personal beliefs (feel free to disagree...we are all frinds here) it's because we are created in God's image, and He is a relational being. He "needs" as a part of his being, the presence and interaction of others. He doesn't require it, but He desires it. He created the angels and us. He likes us. He wants a relationship with us. He made US relational, too. Language, which separates us from other animals, is what helps us relate.

So, this ACT will, hopefully, teach me to use words with my mind to help me do things differently. And God knows I need to. This, whatever it is I'm doing now, sure ain't workin' for me. I'm so tired of myself I don't know what do. Confession: I've been sneaking peeks ahead in chapters coming up...it's getting good. This is really gonna help me. :thumb:

Oh, and the battlefield part...I was just reacting to the metaphor. I don't think it was a good one. Leaving the battlefield in War isn't honorable. Leaving the battlefield that's in your own mind IS. I guess. *shrug*

[Penni60]

Just got my book today. I will glance at it tonight but won't really get a chance to delve into it till Sunday. Then only for a short bit. I work tomorrow and Saturday. Off Sunday. Then work the next four days. So my free time is limited. Can't wait to get into it though. Love all the insight.

[A1ikou]

OK, not had a second to myself all weekend. Everyone is back at work tomorrow 'cept me and so I intend to settle down and read. Just thought I'd share...

[PhotoNut]

Sara and I got to Boise last night after a 2 day drive from Nebraska. We had a great visit there, and I loved her family! The drive home was fun and now Sara is an Ideeeho resident! Yay!

It's going to take me a few days to get us all settled in enough to really get involved in this like I want. So you all keep on going and I'll catch up with you soon!

Love ya!

[A1ikou]

Welcome home both of you.

[A1ikou]

Notes From Kathy


The Battlefield Metaphor: I don't like this metaphor. If I'm on a battlefield and walk away, refuse to fight, I'm dishonorable. I'm a coward. That's not how the military works and I know it. This metaphor works for a street fight between gangs. In this scenario, it's more honorable to walk away. I know this. Even though I think this is a bad metaphor, I understand what it means. I can work with this. It reminds me of the discussion I had with my old friend David. He said "people can only hurt you if you let them" and we talked till the wee hours of the morning in his car outside my house...it took me forEVER to understand this. Anyhow, I get it. Appearance vs Substance. If you walk away, there's nothing to "fix". hmmmmmmmm.

I'm so intrigued! I can't wait to read all of your notes. I'll keep posting mine as I read through. Here we go, ya'll!

I totally get what you are saying Kathy but I actually didn't mind the analogy. For me it was a good way of describing what goes on inside the mind, the what you think you should do and the what you are pulled towards doing. It becomes a complete battlefield and in walking away from this you are making an informed choice not a cowardly one. It's more like signing an end to hostilities or not validating the reasons for the war in the first place. Since it is all subjective and involves you against you then you can't really be a coward because you never actually leave! In all other war situations you are fighting not only for yourself but for a grander cause...your country, your, family, your freedom. The same principals may apply but the subjectivity changes the ethics slightly. Does that make sense?...it did when I first thought it. bah! However I understand what you mean about war and the concept of walking away from a battle, not working with what we are aiming to do for ourselves.

[Kathy]

The same principals may apply but the subjectivity changes the ethics slightly. Does that make sense?...

Yes! I'm trying to win the battle against myself. Odd, huh? :nod: :crazy:

So, are all of you on to Chapter 2 now? I have moved on...I'll post some notes soon, just checking in.

Oh! Hubby and I were watching a TV show about a guy who gets dropped of by helicopter in the middle of terrible and dangerous places and has to survive his way out. He demonstrated getting into and out of quicksand. Very cool. You gotta lay in ot, on it, and wiggle out on your elbows, get mucky. It's a dirty job, and counterintuitive, but it can be done. :thumb:

[PhotoNut]

Hey everyone! *hugs each of you* I just wanted to run in and give you all hugs and to say thanks to Kathy for keeping the group thinking! You rock sis!

I do hope to be able to be more active on b2g and in this study in the near future. Life has been hectic but good.

I hope to see more of you sharing your thoughts on the study the next time I peek in! Have you all done any live chats together yet? Surely more of you have thoughts and comments you could share to get this group more active?? C'mon group! Wake up!! *poke poke* :)

[Kathy]

Am I the only one left? I'm done with 2, on to chapter 3...if anyone else is doing this, please post. I'd prefer not to do this alone, if you don't mind. A whole slew of you bothered to purchase the book. I'm here if you are!!!!! Come on, gang. I'm going to move ahead quickly unless someone talks me out of it okay? But I won't bother to post my notes if noone else is doing this. I'd rather read ahead...

Bueller? Anyone?

[Alicia521]

Kathy, I am going to get my butt in gear this week and get caught up on reading. I'll try to post some in the next few days.

[Kathy]

Whew! Thanks Alicia...let's get to chapter 3 at least...the book is kind of slow. I find myself saying..."okay, I get it, I agree...now what?!!!!" so I'm anxious to get to the "now what?" part. There's a change in my thinking that needs to be made and I want to find out what it is. It's keeping me fat, keeping me from finishing what I start, keeping me unmotivated...I need this!!! Thanks. :)

[JDru]

Ugh...I keep looking at my book and I just haven't gotten into it yet. I really want to, I just have to make time to do it. I promise I will look at this week!!

[Glo]

I have the same feeling about the book. I'm in Chapter 3 and so far, the underlying message seems to be just do it. Like figure out what your purpose is...define the actions that will get you there and just do it. Don't think about it...don't live in your head...get out there and live in your life. Don't let your feelings be involved because they come and go like the wind...live with integrity and do what needs to be done.

I think I want to just go ahead and read the whole book. I'm sorry I haven't posted because I committed to this.

It's just that the Action Commitment Therapy for me means that it's not so much the talking or posting as it is coming on here and telling you that I did in this 24 hours what I need to do to get to the right weight (pupose) I rode the bike 45 minutes, strength trained 15 minutes and ate 3 planned meals. Between those times, I was n2 (into) my life--teaching, cooking, watering the flowers, planting the garden.

I absolutely LOVE the 2-3 pages of solutions he gives.

This book is very Eastern in its psychology--not a lot of "talk therapy"...wahhh my parents did this, my parents did that and now I'm like this. It's more action and cognitive...what can you do right now that will make your life better. There is a thinking and metacognition behind it.

Thanks for the kick in the butt, Kathy. You are right. We bought the book...but I can see how it's hard to express what people are thinking. Much of this is preverbal until we say, "Isn't he just saying like Nike that we have to just do it."

We on this board are not "sick" people. The posts I read are from articulate, reflective, thoughtful, family-oriented people with lots of integrity.

We have used food to cope, celebrate, express love, and just as a plain addiction. Now that we're out of the food, we are a little lost about what to do...Get into your life, the author says. What are your other goals?

If there is something we are afraid to do...like fly, meet our neighbors, or go for a job...we can do it anyway. The fear goes away with the action. The suffering goes away when we refuse to interact with it.

That's 2 cents--I'll focus strictly on Chapter 3. I just like the guy's common sense approach. There's a surrender that we all have to go through--and that's surrendering to the fact that we cannot eat all of the food that we want. We have this tool to help us...

Is any of this what you guys are thinking?

[PhotoNut]

Ok Kathy, our talk this morning got me in gear too! I re-read the intro and am in the middle of Chapter 2 now. Tomorrow I will have a highlighter in my hand while I read because some of the stuff in there really jumped out at me and I don't want to forget it! One of the things which has stuck out the most, for me, was when he said, "We can't promise that this will quickly change what your depression, anger, anxiety, stress, or low self-esteem looks like, at least, not anytime soon. We can, however, say that our research has demonstrated that the role of these problems as barriers to living can be changed, and sometimes changed quiet rapidly." That is what I'm hoping for! In fact, just from the small amount I've learned from Maria (the bus analogy from this book) has already changed my life dramatically, so I'm very excited to see what else can be accomplished by completing the book and applying the exercises to my life.

So -- come on everyone! I know that if I can fit in the intro, Chapter 1 and part of Chapter 2 in a day like I had today, all of you can too!

I'm with you Glo! I think I'm going to breeze thru the entire book and then go back and start digging in and doing the exercises as I go thru it again with more focus on the details. In fact, I read the exercises in Chapter 1 and gave them some thought, but I havent written them into the book yet.

I remember Kathy talking about the war zone analogy and as I read it today I was under the impression that he was really wanting to show us the compariason of how differently we function emotionally when we are busy fighting the battle (fearing we will lose and consumed by the need to find ways to win) to how we function emotionally when we can see the battle going on before us but we arent actually in the throws of being consumed by the need to win the war (or by the fear of losing the war and thus our very lives). To me, that analogy was hard to understand at first because my brain was arguing things like, 'Why would I walk off the battle field and just watch from the side lines?" "I would be just as stressed if I were watching others fighting for their lives." etc. However, after some thought, I had to admit that if I put all of those things aside and just focus on what a relief it would be to no longer live with the fear of losing the war, I would be able to breathe easier and look at things from a different perspective. I think it's like a "cant see the forest for the trees" thing. Once we are no longer stressed to the max about protecting ourselves from destruction, we become more apt to see the entire war from a new perspective, which just might enable us to find solutions to the war that we had no way of seeing while we were so busy in the midst of the fight.

Hmm.. its late, and I think Im rambling now. But the important thing is -- I'm here and I'm working to get out of my mind and FINALLY into my life, which I think just might prove to be a good life! :)

[A1ikou]

It's a real pity we never got this thing off the ground finally because right now I feel many of us could do with the support the book might bring. Anyone out there want to give this another go as a group?

[Kathy]

I'm up for it, yes.

Next week, Thursday the 14th, I am scheduled for a fill. I am amazed at the quantity of food I can eat and the rate at which I can eat it. I must be a Master at chewing. I swear.

I also am becoming MUCH more aware than I ever have been at the shoveling thing I do. It's compulisve stress eating. And I'm not necessarily stressed, you know? Just desperate, somehow.

Anyhow, I finally feel as though I'm ready to give up my "food coping" and find another way. Starting on Thursday, I will bury myself in books and housework, make an attempt at NOT hunkering down in the office at the computer like I did when I quit smoking, and have a go at losing this weight again. I'm prepared for hard work and head work.

I'm in.

[Alicia521]

I'm in too., I am mentally ready to start it. In fact my workbook has been sitting here calling my name!

[PhotoNut]

I'm definitely IN! I have been reading the book for some time now. In fact, I've been reading outloud to Dawg as we sun on the patio. I'm not spending the recommended days or weeks on the exercises, I'm just thinking about them for a bit and then reading on. I'm on Chapter 5.

Anyone who has read far enough will get this -- *snicker*
Two words: YELLOW JEEP!! *maniacal laughter*

[A1ikou]

Alrighty, so where do we go from here? I'm only onto chapter two and havent read the book for a while so need to recap. Shall we try and fix a time to get discussing a particular chapter or just the general ideas it brings up? Of course my timing is great cos next Friday I'm missing for two weeks on vacation?????

[PhotoNut]

Why dont we just jump in and start talking. If anyone wants to set up a chat session, I'm all for it. Name the time - we've got the place already set up.

I'll get the ball rolling.

I guess in Chapters 1 and 2, the things that hit me the strongest were the realization that painful (or frustraing or fearful) thoughts happen to everyone. Not just the depressed! It is what we DO with these thoughts that determine how we live our lives.

Secondly, there is no way to ever get rid of these thoughts or the feelings associated with them. They are there to stay. However, they are NOT who we are. They are only thoughts.

I have given this some serious study and have begun practicing facing my thoughts and calling them out of the shadows. I literally stop and identify the thought and the feeling that it creates. Example: I have a close relative that I have been having extreme emotional issues with for the past couple of years. Whenever I think of that person, I immediately think of the event that occurred which caused me a great deal of sadness, hurt, and even anger. I feel upset and stressed and my initial response is to shove that "problem" away and ignore it. I do this by not taking their phone calls. Refusing to call them. Complete avoidance. In fact, I did this successfully for an entire year. It was hard on the whole family.

After realizing that I was wasting precious time by punishing this person, I decided to try and take some steps toward establishing a relationship with them. I was, of course, fearful of being hurt again. So each time I picked up the phone to try and make that call, up would rise the feelings of frustration and agitation and I'd just drop the phone.

However, the day I succeeded in making that first call I had put into practice my method of facing my feelings. As soon as I started feeling my body tensing, my pulse quickening, that familiar knot in my stomach, I just sat back and said to myself, 'Ok, you are feeling these things and it's understandable that you are. But that doesn't mean anything bad is happening now. It also doesnt mean anything bad is going to happen. These are just reactions to the memory of an event that upset you two years ago. It has nothing to do with how you choose to live today. It's ok to feel these things, but it doesn't mean you can't dial the number and be pleasant to this person." I had to talk myself through it until I heard their voice on the other end of the line. Then it was all fine, and I was very glad I'd made that call. Now, I have to admit that it's still not easy dealing with the issues I have with this person, but at least we know we love each other and are trying. That makes it meaningful.

If we go back to the bus analogy, I would have viewed that scenario as one very rowdy passenger on my bus who was being so distracting that I was unable to sit in the driver's seat, start my bus, and drive myself where I needed (and wanted) to go. In the past, I would have let that disruptive passenger frustrate me to the point of throwing up my hands and saying forget it. We just won't go. But I had success when I looked that passenger in the eye and said, 'I can't kick you off my bus, but I can make you sit down and shut up!' and then I drove. And it felt good :)

[PhotoNut]

I guess I need to add that I didnt really successfully avoid that person for an entire year, because even though I didn't see them or talk to them the constant worry or stress over having to continue that "battle" with them by keeping them away from me was torture! And I missed them. I would think of them daily and feel so bad because I truly missed having them in my life. So I didnt really make the problem go away at all. In fact, I'd say that I only made it larger and more in control of my life.

[A1ikou]

I guess because I've not read past chapter two I'm still reading as an outsider. I havent let myself delve right into the book and discover what my feelings are. I do know that when I made my lists of issues in my life, I could not get passed food and problems related to food. It seems to dominate so much and I found that in itself somewhat scary. I think If I had something else to latch on to then I could have something else to 'blame' but I don't.
I know I need to read more and need to let myself go and get involved with the book. I guess Im one of the people who is willing to give the book a go but isnt exactly sure how it will work for me.
As soon as I get home I have a summer with no work and I fully intend to give myself all the time I need to discover what it is that I do want and to find ways of making this a positive and possible thing for me to achieve.
I like analogies because they can be realted to so many things and give us something to hang on to when we are trying to figure out the more abstract in our lives.

[PhotoNut]

Ok, where is everyone? *pout* We all bought our books, we can all read, we all love to post about our thoughts, so what's going wrong with this group?

If anyone has a suggestion on how to get the fire under everyone, please say so! If the study group isnt what you expected, please tell me what you did expect so we can perhaps change things enough to get everyone going on this.

We have a new member, Amey, who is asking about joining the group. She went and bought her workbook! So come on everyone, speak up! I know youre still out there. :P

[PhotoNut]

I've just decided to PM each of you. Maybe a more personal nudge will help. :)

[Glo]

I got the latest "Oprah" magazine at the grocery store today. She features a page on Steven Hayes and this action commitment therapy. Three times the author mentions how it helps with weight loss.

I personally believe that when we get little reminders--like this Oprah article, a personal message from the moderator of the group, and when I "accidentally" found the interview by Steven Hayes...then maybe there is a message trying to get through--something we are supposed to learn. :)

I did read through the whole book...And I committed to be part of this group. At first I thought, "What will we discuss?"

The author makes a big point about us growing up and not pouting about the cards we were dealt and just get going. I guess in my first reading, I thought I'd just get going...I do fine for awhile and then I need help.

IMHO, the best way to facilitate this group is to take a chapter or that page of strategies---put one to use and reflect on it in this forum.

I do believe the head/spiritual work is very important--I think it keeps us from "settling--" for half the weight we need to lose...for taking care of ourselves the way we should.

Thanks for reading!

[Alicia521]

I'm going to get caught up on my reading this weekend on my drive to NC.

Perhaps we can shoot for a discussion early next week for all that are able to go over some things. I know it will be impossible to get everyone together but if we can get at least 5 it might be worth it.

[Amey]

Hey I just got my workbook yesterday I am really excited to start doing this together with you all, Let me know when you all does your study time
I want to join in seem like a very interesting work book can not wait to start. Amey

[Alicia521]

I finally did chapter one and I am excited and ready to work on myself! :) Anyone want to discuss in a chat session this week? Say Tuesday around 9pm? If not, do we just want to post our thoughts here and comment?

[jax]

What workbook are you using.
I am here in Boise Idaho and we have a workbook too
just wondering if we are using the same one.

[jax]

I have the workbook too.
Let me know when.

[Kathy]

I'm on chapter 5. Anyone else ther? It's getting good....I have several hours to myself the other morning and sat outside with coffee...wonderful. I'll post some thoughts later...

[jax]

I saw a show today it was Dr Ablow.
He was doing follow ups with past people on the show.
There was a lady on with a eatting disorder...
she had a friend call in with a really good thought... I want to share it
because it has been very helpful to me today and I am planning on reading it
daily. Your choice, to be one step closer to your goal or one step away
from your goal. I like that because it is as we all know one step at a time.

[Kathy]

Good one Jacki. I watched an Oprah I recorded some time last week. It was the Best Life Challenge where you meet the six contestants. Anyhow, they were talking about exercise and Oprah said "if you aren't willing to exercise, then you aren't ready to lose weight. Quit lying to yourself. You have to do this. If you won't exercise, you aren't ready to lose weight so you should just say so instead of insisting you will lose it but refuse to exercise." or something harsh like that.

Not sure what that has to do with this workbook but I "heard" that today. Damnit.

[Alicia521]

I'm in chapter 3 right now. Just discovering the things that cause me pain was a huge deal.

[Will]

I bought the book a week ago. I just got into the 1st chapter. I like it so far.

I saw that show too Kathy. Good advice.

[PeloRojo]

I just put the book on hold at the library -- I will chime in once I get a chapter under my belt. Lord knows I NEED some head work! I'm in rough shape mentally with my weight loss (or lack thereof). I'm glad I found this thread.

[PhotoNut]

Oops, sorry... I thought the sign on the door said, "Get Out of Your Mind and N2 UR Wine". :confused:

My mistake.

:neener:

(you just can't keep a good woman (with GREAT friends) down) :sun_smiley:

This show's already started folks. Read. Digest. Read some more. Then come here and talk about it. That's what the study group was designed to be. Open discussion, with -some- chat times when we all felt like chatting about what messes we are. HA!

(Yes, it is typical for me to joke and laugh my way thru tough times. Now, get out of my Mind and N2 UR own! :cool: )

[NotSoFunny]

those that are getting the book, or are wanting too....remember. get the workbook!

[NotSoFunny]

i will share here. lol

As I have said, in the past food was not what really got me fat. I do not turn to food when I have issues or need it to keep me happy.

What i do have a problem with is punishing myself. And lately I have used food to punish myself. :( its hard to admit that and realize it. But I do. I did it when i was anorexic and I am doing that now. I am soooo afraid of the plastic surgery i am about to have that I am eating more. WTF is that all about? Its not for comfort, that is for sure!

I am trying to gain control of my life again. I quit my job at microsoft to give myself more time with the family, but then filled that time with a bunch of other stressful projects. Then microsoft started calling me for small things here and there and BAM! I am full time with them again. dammit. plus I ahve not dropped the other projects I had going. I am about to rip all my hair out.

So I am trying to refocus. Telling microsoft that I need to back down my hours to almost zero again. And We went out and bought all natural proteins and veggies from a high end grocer so that we have yummy healthy food in the house. I want a fill so bad, but at the same time I don't think I need one. I have taken a break some from the working out. But I am getting back with that on monday. Only missed a few days so that is good. And I am handing off a lot of home projects to Rob. That will help to level out my schedule some. As for the fear I am dealing with, I will talk about it ore rather than just wallow in my fear and self pity, and stop punishing myself for the fear I have with foods that I don't need.

[PhotoNut]

Funny, I read your post this morning and I've been dwelling on it all day. I am a comfort eater, but I can sure relate to the punishment eating too. I can remember stuffing my face, pissed at myself, tears running down my face, and angry self hate words flying around in my head as I stuffed down each hostile bite. It stuns me to think back and realize just how many facets there were to my food addiction. It had a place for each part of my life. It was my entertainment, my social life, the foundation of each family event. It was my comfort, my reward, my independence, my rebellion, my punishment, my prison, my master. A silent partner in the conspiracy to commit murder. My own murder.

Shortly after I was banded, I began re-programming my brain. Each time I had a kind thought about food I would counter it with spoken and unspoken words. "Food is NOT my friend. I thought it was my friend, but it lied to me and almost had me talked into killing myself." That may sound strange but, for my own protection, I had to break that pattern of running from uncomfortable emotions straight into the "arms" of food.

I don't think I've offered much in the way of help for your situation. But you sure do have me deep in thought today. I'll be praying for you.

[NotSoFunny]

Today was a better day for me food wise. I made some good decisions and choices. weekends are tough for us cause we are usually at home hanging out and it is so easy to just eat all day loooooong. Shopping at the good grocer was perfect though. I am eating every 3 hours, and usually it is just a slice of cheese and two slices of meat rolled up. But the funniest part is that I make two, and i can eat one....feel satisfied, and try to force down the second. Just cause I made the second. So I need to start watching portion control just in serving myself. Small plates. So realizing is the first hurdle. Second hurdle will be the portions and not feeling like I desperately need to eat everything I have served myself.

I have been surfing plastic surgery and before/after wls pictures all day. Its been great inspirations. But I think the other sucky part is that I looked at a lot of RNY peeps and have gotten depressed that they got to goal in a year, and I am sitting here at the year mark and I still have 100 pounds to go. Before I knew it i was looking at these people wishing my apron had less fat in it, wishing i was at goal by now, eating popcorn. dammit. when will all of that crap stop?? I am gonna put a chain on the freakin fridge and pantry.

[A1ikou]

Amy fear is a big a challenge as we ever have to face and using food, in whatever capacity as substitute, diversion etc is a natural reaction. It isn't good and the after effects are so negative for our minds but the one thing I'm coming - slowly- to realise is that this 'crap' will never stop. It's always going to be a part of who we are and I believe it is how we try to work through it or round it that is important.
You don't have too long until the surgery and I think you should give yourself a break as that is bound to be uppermost in your thoughts. You are trying damned hard, you have a lot on your plate and you still are trying to make the best choices and thinking through when you don't. Bravo!
Boy do I understand the RNY before and after pics...BUT, then I sit and think how healthy I'm, getting as the pounds go away and I am still happy I chose my band. Again it's the positives and negatives of all the choices we make in life and deciding the best way to deal with them.
Thinking of you these days...

[NotSoFunny]

Today was a really good day. I got a lot of work done that has been piling up. I cleaned out a bunch of the family's clothes and got them to good will. I ate a piece of bruchetta, but I got a lot of protein and good carbs in. And I made a list of things to do when the kids and Rob are gone. I think filling my weekend up will keep my mind off of my stinkin thinkin. I had a great talk with pnut about the bad behavior of punishing myself with food and being hard on myself.

I have to focus on loving me. and this surgery is not something I should be afraid of. Because it is me loving myself, and I need to not be afraid of loving myself. it sounds weird, but that is what we are doing. I have to fall in love with myself. When you love something you nurture it and care for it and give it everything it needs. when you hate something you treat it bad and neglect it, ignore it and beat it up. I hated myself. I need to love myself.

[Kathy]

I was reading Chapter 6 about Cognitive Defusing Techniques. So I'm sitting on the deck letting myself experience negative thoughts and emotions about not exercising the way I know I need to. Heck, I don't even exercise a tiny bit, really. What am I thinking when I decide NOT to?

So, in a effort to defuse those thoughts, I stand up, walk off the deck around the house and out the driveway to the mailbox, then back.

The whole time I'm muttering things like
"life is awful"
"exercise sucks"
"even taking a small walk is a big pain in the ass"
"this is terrible"
"my life is just awful"
"my whole world is just gonna fall apart when I get back from this pointless walk"
"I'll feel terrible and I'll be utterly miserable and God in Heaven is a joke, for crying out loud"

I'm getting more and more miserable and angry about what a pain in the ass talking a stupid pointless walk is.

"see, I'm still fat!"
"and now, it's sprinkiling and it's going to rain, I'm gonna get soaked and I'll be so miserable."
"exercise is disgusting"
"my life sucks, it's horrible and meaningless and this stupid walk is just the cherry on top that makes it unbearable"

All the while, I'm listening to these lies I'm telling myself about my life and realizing that exercise is not something that needs to be avoided. Hello! I have assigned feelings and emotions to exercise that are represented in the words I just muttered to myself! How crazy is that?!

When I got back to the deck, I sat down, sipped some coffe and went about my day with my lovely home, beautiful children, quiet, happy life, and none of it fell apart when I walked to the mailbox and back. How 'bout them apples?

I'll keep doing this exericse with myself until I understand how silly it is to be hesitant to take a stupid walk. It's just a walk. It's not the end of the frickin' world. Duh. :rolleyes:

Isn't it amazing the mind games we play with ourselves? I love this book. It's terribly helpful. And I love being able to come here to discuss it. THAT is terribly helpful, too. If I were reading this alone, it wouldn't be near as good. :)

[NotSoFunny]

Good for you Kathy! I am glas that you have seen that a little movement will not bring down the mountain. When you have tackled that completely you need to move on to big movement. RUN to the mailbox, and maybe a few other mailboxes. LOL Exercise is something we hate at first, because it makes us focus on how fut and unhealthy we are. It makes us see that our bodies don't move like the marathon runners and olympic athletes we want to be. It jiggles. It flaps. It bounces. It aches and jars. The addictive part is when you start seeing the differences. The ability to go longer, have less jiggle and bounce, and be able to talk with people while doing it.

Sweat is good. jiggling and bouncing won't go away until you experience a little more of it. :) And its ok to be out of breath. It means you are pushing yourself.

[Will]

I'll keep doing this exericse with myself until I understand how silly it is to be hesitant to take a stupid walk. It's just a walk. It's not the end of the frickin' world. Duh. :rolleyes:



Took me forever to get off my duff, but once I did it...I now look forward to it. I'm right with ya, Kathy. This book really makes you think.
:wink2:

[Alicia521]

I also use food to punish myself. It has been a comfort and a source of punishment. Lately, more so as a punishment because I feel like I should have lost 100 lbs by now.

Here is my problem with exercise. I love working out and actually enjoy it. Getting there is the battle for me. I come up with every excuse in the book not to work out but if I actually make it to the gym or the pool I have no problems getting through it and feel great aftewards. I don't understand why knowing how great I will feel and what it does to me isn't enough motivation to get me there.

[NotSoFunny]

You need to make it a routine. Get to a gym that has a daycare so Harrison has a place to play. I guarantee you he will not let you forget that it is workout time. LOL my kids, the moment Rob gets home, start jumping around the house saying "Lets go to the gym! Lets go to the gym!" lol Its very motivational! LOL

[PhotoNut]

Ok, I'm almost in tears here! heh I'm so blessed to see this thread beginning to show signs of life!

This book and the lessons taught within are SO empowering! See what Kathy wrote? She is using tools that actually teach her how to get back in the driver's seat of her bus. SHE decided where she wanted to go and by God she went! Even though that passenger on her bus was very loud and insistant about disrupting the journey, Kathy acknowledged the passenger but refused to let them in the driver's seat. Kathy, isn't that the most amazing and powerful feeling of freedom??!! It blows my mind. The other night when I was such an emotional mess, all you had to do was remind me to acknowledge the feelings and thoughts, and to realize that they were ONLY feelings and thoughts. They weren't me, and they couldn't DO anything to me. I instantly calmed down and regained peace and focus, and was able to redirect where I went with my life. That is so much better than just reacting destructively to the emotions in the typical, well-trained style.

I love this workbook! And I'm so grateful to Maria for bringing it into my life!

[PhotoNut]

After thought:

When we talk about struggles we're facing, let's make a strong effort to apply something we've learned in the workbook to that struggle. That way we can share not only the struggles but also the lessons we're learning about how to deal with them.

[pageturner]

Hi Pnut, I think I'm reading an older post. Did you all start this study group.
Is it possible to still join or start a new group?

Thanks,

Andrea

[PhotoNut]

Hi Andrea. The whole group was to start together, but some of us found that life got too busy and we've all kind of let the study fall between the cracks.

I know that several of us have continued to read the workbook and sometimes talk about what we're learning, either here on this thread or in the chat room, or even in phone calls.

You are welcome to get the workbook (not the book!) and read at your own pace and post your thoughts and comments here with us. :)

[sueellen64]

I bought the workbook just out of curiosity, but am new to the board. Have you been studying, and working on the book? If so, where are the posts relating to it? Sorry, not very computer savvy!! Sue
p.s. I get my band next Tuesday--say a prayer!! Thanks!

[pageturner]

Thanks Pnut! So the title of the book is: Get Out of UR Mind & N2 UR Life, right? I'll order it, start doing the excercises and share my thoughts and discoveries.

Thanks for following up on this post. The head work is can be so hard, but it so important.

Andrea