How do YOU break the "all or nothing" mentality?

[MoOrLess]

I blogged about the "all or nothing" mentality...taking it a step further, I decided to set GOALS for myself - I apparently am very motivated by goals :)

I'm not saying I'll lose a certain amount of weight by this date, or will work out this many days a week....

Having just gotten over 6 weeks of a pretty major illness, and having a torn rotator cuff I started feeling like weight loss was somewhere far off the horizon of my life

no more -- now I am logging my workouts on my blog, doing what I can (lower body aerobics for now) and going back to basics - real basics, logging food, eating tuna and chicken and making sure I get my vitamins in every day

how do YOU break the "all or nothing" mentality?

[Live4Us]

Mo - this is a really tough one for me. Before banding it was always - well I'll start tomorrow. After banding I worked so hard and followed the rules for a year. I literally deprived myself of most things that once were staples in my life. BIG, BIG mistake. Add in complications, complete unfills, changing doctors, etc (won't get into it - on another thread). I hit the bottom HARD. I went for a year unfilled eating everything I'd "Missed" - Pizza, Pasta, Chips, Dip, Soda (gulp) and gained every ounce back. Plus 20 pounds. So here I am a year after my "pity party"...trying to get back on track. This time around I'll not deprive myself of anything...I CAN have it in SMALL portions...follow the rules Ann - just don't kill yourself doing it. As for the exercise...I'm limited now due to injury and it is my on proscrastination and unfortunately falls into the same all or nothing. I've done well in the past two weeks - I'm down 12 pounds :-)...Moderation is Key! And don't beat yourself up for falling down, but please keep the pity parties down to a minimum of a day (a year I think was a bit much!)

[MoOrLess]

lol I like that - pity party for one day - that works!

On a more serious note, I commend you for starting again. You hit the nail on the head -- my first year I lost and lost and lost (66 lbs) and then I hit a brick wall of sorts, it felt that way - but it was just a blip in banded life. But I never bounced back from that and ended up gaining weight over the next 2 years.

So yes - all or nothing - it doesn't work, we can attest to that.

i'd love to hear more responses :)

[Patrick]

Ann, welcome back to the working side. You have learned very valuable experiences that you can build on for your new future.
MO, I am with you. Frequently I go all out and hogwild for a month or so, then fade away until I can get motivated once more. I initially set a goal for the total number of pounds that I wanted to lose. I have lost way more that I had listed, however, I kept finding some and now am still 40lbs off goal. The beauty is that my band has always been there working for me, I was just being a clever clogger and slipping around it.

[MoOrLess]

yep it's easy to 'eat around the band' but boy does it take it's toll psychologically....one more confirmation that "all or nothing" just doesn't work

[MoOrLess]

bumping for more suggestions :)

[Nick N Ava's Grammy]

You all are so right, all or nothing doesn't work, I have to remind myself that all the time. I have to find a balance somehow. I really am more active than I've ever been, but seem to be making it harder on myself than I need to do. I'm gonna be 62 soon, and I've been struggling with this way of life ALL my life. Some day I think I'll 'get it'.. until then I keep coming here, reading and think a lot, but rarely post. You guys really make me think about things, and for that I'm grateful.

[Mrs Sabre]

Mo,

Years ago I lost 40 pounds over a 2 year period through diet & exercise (all), and then I took a "break" (nothing) which ended up lasting for 5 years, over which I gained 80 pounds. This experience is what broke my "All or Nothing". I take one day at a time, & never give up by reminding myself how far I've come.

I don't know if I'll ever see my personal goal, but I know I won't make it if I give up!

[Neal R.]

I wish I knew. I still have that mentality.

[Want_2_B_Free]

Too me it means failure. Because its always been all or nothing. Never in between. If i dont lose 30 lbs in 2 weeks I give up. Thats what lead me to be 100 lbs over weight. All or nothing. I have lost with the band. Slow? Very. But lost nonetheless. I am still working on getting away from all or none mentality. Great question Mo.

[kjj]

This is really a struggle for me as well. I'm such an over achiever that I never achieve anything it seems.

The thing that works for me in the diet area is to say that I will eat three meals a day no matter what else I have or have not eaten.

When i'm in a big slump and I say I have to "get crazy!"
I have to to the liquid diet again for one week. If I could do it for two weeks pre band and lost 10 or so lbs so I sure as heck could do another liquid diet with the band for one week!
And so I start on that roller coaster and it never works. I snack around and then by the time dinner comes I feel so guilty for so many calories that I decide to skip dinner and then continue snacking all night!

If I just stop right where I am and get on track, no matter how many calories I've eaten that day and eat a nice full meal when the time comes around then it seems to break it.

I think one of the things so many people with weight problems struggle with is always feeling guilty for eating. Even when it's the proper time and the proper amount. As a result we push away our lunch or dinner and then "sneak" food all day resulting in five times more food than it would have been had we let go of the guilt and eaten a good meal.

I still very much struggle with this, but am trying to see the reality of my problem and do what I know I need to do instead of what I am motivated to do or not to do.

[MoOrLess]

You bring up some great points. One thing I found that helps me is to log everything I put in my mouth. No guilt - I eat it, I log it. When I hit my calorie goal for the day I do my best to just stop eating.

One reason you may be "snacking" is because you are HUNGRY -- perhaps eat earlier than your planned meal? I know when I am over-hungry I def eat more calories.

[Webdoll]

This was a good thread for me as I wrap my head around my upcoming surgery. My whole life since I was 12 years old has been all or nothing (which is exactly why at 42 I am getting banded). I have only succeeded at being on a diet and loosing weight (all), and going off a diet and gaining (my version of nothing). For me there has never been a middle ground. I have successfully lost 95 pounds at age 13, 85 pounds at age 19, 142 pounds at age 32, 65 pounds at age 39. After coming with in 20 pounds of my all time high, I have decided to stop joking that I am merely a professional dieter, and put a stop to the self destructive behaviors the "nothing".
I understand the band is only a tool, to help in making the right choices pay off, but I am so hopeful that it will provide that little reminder when the temptation, depression, or loneliness arise - that I am not alone, and that the nothing mentality won't work any more.

[MommaStone]

I think many of us here are in the all or nothing hall of fame. I know that is one of the biggest changes for me is that with the band, I really do feel it is a lifestyle change, not a diet. I hope you find the same. For a minute, I thought the lbs. lost at each age in your post was your weight and I began to be very concerned thinking you weighed 65 pounds at age 39. Whew, the content can really change if you read too quickly.

Good luck in your prep work and welcome!

[Greenbaypackerfan]

To me the all or nothing has to do with our years of lifetime of bad eating. I am not one to speak (or type) something that I am not good at and what I am about to say goes againt me being secessfull.
I find that the all or nothing plays in when I look into the past or into the futrure. If I live in the moment the all or nothing does not exist. I get mad at myself when I live outside of today. I am not good at living in the now, I spend way to much time living in the past. Which then leads me to the "failure" and therfore the "nothing" is king and why work at it and why bother?
So what do I do? I accept that I have over 40 years of being a fat pig and only maybe 2 years of somewhat "normal" so how can it be all or nothing? maybe it is more a question of, today good behavor will lead to longer life, or nothing behavor will reinforce the 40 years of poor choices.
Which will I chose on a moment by moment? Petra has a good song. Jekyl and Hyde

"I have this secret that I let nobody see
It's like a split personality
And the one I FEED is the one who lives
The one I STARVE will be the one who gives "



All or nothing? Jekly and Hyde? Choices? Life?

Rich knows what is right he just needs to do it. plain and simple

[Patrick]

Rich, I believe that you just spoke for so many on here. Very insightful.

[MoOrLess]

I love the song and your point is right on target! thanks for sharing Rich!