only in pictures?

[way2big]

yea, so... a number of family pictures were taken this weekend, and as I was reviewing them I realized... I don't know just how bad/fat I look until I see a picture, then it's pretty disgusting to me... crazy?
I see myself in a mirror multiple times a day and it just doesn't register, but I see a picture and it's damn near depressing.
anybody else like that?
Also, just an update... I should have my firm date for July banding by the end of this month, and I am SOOOO ready.

So what of it... do pictures of yourself hurt? mine sure mess with me...

Stan

[MoOrLess]

absolutely, yes I have been shocked plenty of times. It's pretty rough when I feel that I look nice, dressed up for special occasions like weddings, and think I don't look bad at all and I feel pretty darn good, then I see the pictures

Even after losing some weight that mentality doesn't tend to leave...it's that "head work" we talk about, and that takes time and often times some professional help. But I also know that we judge ourselves so much more than anyone else ever would. Learning to love ourselves as others love us is hard work - but we are all taking positive steps to get both physically and mentally healthy. You'll get there. You aren't alone, that's for sure.

[FatBoySlim]

I've adopted a reverse 'vain' approach over the past several years. I find that if I'm the first one to make fun of myself, then it seems to break the tension and ice. Regarding pictures, I hate them and avoid at all cost. I've used excuses such as "it takes my Indian spirit" (Apparently I have .00000000001% Indian in my blood line somewhere), or I make a joke that I don't photograph well because the camera makes me look fat or I simply avoid situations that I know cameras are going to be involved. My family isn't happy with me because they don't have any pictures of me for the past 15 years. Hell, I hate mirrors and avoid them as well. I hope that this new path I've taken will 'someday' help me get past this. I will have to accept myself first before I can feel comfortable in front of a camera.

Brad

[bunnygirl6969]

Oh yes!!! i have taken pictures in the past and i just knew i was looking good when i took them you couldn't tell me nothing and know after the weight loss i look at those pictures and say wow i didnt know i was that heavy i just didnt see it until i looked at the pictures

[Rain Drops]

Absolutely! I have been shocked at how I look in pictures. I guess it's the hard truth when you are seeing yourself the way others see you instead of the reflection in the mirror.

[pollyo]

Don't forget, the camera adds 10(0) lbs. ...

[MoOrLess]

I've adopted a reverse 'vain' approach over the past several years. I find that if I'm the first one to make fun of myself, then it seems to break the tension and ice. Regarding pictures, I hate them and avoid at all cost. I've used excuses such as "it takes my Indian spirit" (Apparently I have .00000000001% Indian in my blood line somewhere), or I make a joke that I don't photograph well because the camera makes me look fat or I simply avoid situations that I know cameras are going to be involved. My family isn't happy with me because they don't have any pictures of me for the past 15 years. Hell, I hate mirrors and avoid them as well. I hope that this new path I've taken will 'someday' help me get past this. I will have to accept myself first before I can feel comfortable in front of a camera.

Brad

Brad - I have an aunt who avoided cameras for probably 20 years. She has bravely dealt with cancer and overcome it, and is facing it again...since her first diagnosis she stopped fighting with cameras in her face. Now we have MANY pictures, of which I am so thankful to have. It would break my heart to have no pictures of her when she is no longer on this earth. So I say - let the pictures begin -- suck it up - we are our own worse enemies -- pictures are for the taker anyhow, not us :)

[paulam]

Stan, I so do understand. I actually so a Christmas picture of myself and wondered who that was. What the hell, that's me!! I couldn't believe it. I used to be so beautiful. I used to get cat calls but I actually had a man moo at me last year. I wanted to hide under a rock. He actually mooed at me. I was a size 7 most of my young adult life and then I got up to size 22. I'm now a 16 and am still disgusted with myself. However, I must say I feel healthier. I got blood work last week and everything was marvelous. Cholesterol was 182, not bad for a fat girl. I'm so proud of you getting banded in July. Remember, it's not the magic bullet but it's damn close. Hugz

[paulam]

It's so sad when we avoid the camera. What memories are we leaving our kids? Of course, you say they will never forget you. But one picture is worth a thousand words and jolts the memory into remembering those special times.

[paulam]

I remember when I would run from the camera to avoid pictures. How I wish I had those pictures now. At 140 lbs I thought I was big as a house, what I would give to be 140 lbs again. I told my husband if I end up on life support don't pull the plug until I'm 140 lbs again. I will be 140lbs in this lifetime again. Haha

[Patrick]

Yes, they still bother me even though I am a lot less. Just seeing old pictures of me makes me wince, but rejoice that I did something positive about it.

[way2big]

wow... you guys are awesome!!! and man I WISH the camera only added 10 pounds... crap!!! This will definitely be some head work. It's interesting, really... some folks even after losing 100 pounds or more still see themselves fat, others say they now look like they thought they did... and Paulam... yea I can believe a guy mooed at you. and believe it or not, I'll be a brave male here and say yes, I too have seen the looks I get, and some of the giggling/gestures, etc... and as of late i have become very aware of people watching me in restaurants/etc.. I know us guys are supposed to have thick skin, but we are still human underneath. for sure what hurts me most is when I hear my coworkers telling fat jokes and when they see me they clam up. it's ok though, because in some ways it's a reminder of why I'm here and why I'm doing this. In most aspects of my life I'm pretty content, but weight and weight loss have confounded me completely. At least here on these boards I'm learning that the head work is like 80 percent of what's involved, and the band is a tool to help me. I feel like I'm ahead of the game going into surgery with that realization.
Thanks!

[MoOrLess]

Kudos - you have the golden ticket of knowledge - the band IS a tool, and headwork IS the majority of the work you'll do on your journey to be healthier.

I'm sorry people are so mean. Sigh...but you know what, I've talked to plenty of 'thin' people who have been made fun of, too. Sadly we live in a world where people think they can say whatever they want and that there are no consequences. the bullying issue has gotten so out of hand for exactly this reason.

Right now it doesn't seem like much of a help, but just knowing you are headed to a healthier you is something you can embrace and feel good about.

[mindwing]

I avoided having my picture taken for years, then realized how my family would feel if I died and left no pictures. So I stopped avoiding cameras, but that doesn't mean I look at the pictures. Just a quick glance is the most I give.

Once, at a retreat, the woman with the video cam kept taking pictures of me, and I didn't react. She finally asked me how it made me feel. I told her that I didn't have to watch the video, and if she really wanted to look at me that much, she was welcome to. She was trying to make me uncomfortable, but my answer shamed her.

Leona

[Live4Us]

Stan,

Man do I know exactly what you mean...I even learned angles to favor my rather than ample frame. I have so many photos of my children that just have my head sticking out of the back, but the sad part is I don't have many of those either. Most of their childhood shows pictures of them and not of us because I was so ashamed of my body.

Here is something I want both of us to do. Take pictures now - front pictures, back pictures, side pictures (yes they suck), face pictures...just lots of them! Once you are banded take more - wear the same outfit every month on your bandiversary date/month....you will see the difference in yourself. Going off of when I first had surgery I did this. I took a picture diary of myself. You will look back at yourself a few months down the road and be greatful for all of those "horrible" pictures and be proud of how far you've come. If you don't have those pictures you only have your memory of your journey. I like to have the "physical" evidence. In the end, who knows, you may actually recognize the guy looking back at you.

[Serenity55]

Leona, I love what you said to that woman at the retreat. Kudos to you for not letting her shame you!

I let people take pictures of me; in fact, my sister is making a scrap book with pictures from my childhood to now. I'm blind, so I could be standing in front of a mirror and it wouldn't make a difference. :) But I have always been aware of how uncomfortable I am, or was. It's getting better now, and I couldn't help wondering how others saw me. Even now that I've lost weight, one driver asked me if I wanted an extension for the seat belt on my way to work. That used to really upset me, partly, I guess, because I knew I really WAS fat. I simply said no; I think my friend was more angry than I was.

I still can't help wondering what people see, even though my clothes tell me a different story than the one in my head, and my friends and family are pretty encouraging about how I look these days.

There are, or maybe were, certain societies in the world where fat is looked on as something beautiful, and the people in them are proud of who they are. We can be proud of who we are, too, and the fact that we're getting healthy. But we can also know that, no matter how fat we were, or are, to ourselves, someone loves us, appreciates us, is rooting for us, and we're doing something for ourselves. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's so much emphasis placed on being thin that we not only feel disgust at our bodies, but we take on the disgust, the shame, of others, and it magnifies it.

Debbie

[way2big]

Ann you're on! I love the idea of the bandiversary pictures! Maybe one day it will be like you say and I'll actually recognize myself in one of those pictures... wouldn't that be awesome?!

[crzytchr]

Take the advice already given on taking picture now, before you have the surgery. It was a months after my surgery that I realized I had NO BEFORE PICTURE!!! I had not had a picture taken of me in years. My daughter took one of my holding my new granddaughter a month after surgery, but I was already down 25 lbs., so I use that as my before. It is so sad that I have no pictures of me holding my own children when they were younger, and I can't get that back. I let my embarassment of my weight rob me of this. TAKE PICTURES NOW! Ok, didn't really mean to yell.:blush:

[way2big]

Did you yell? I missed it...
but hey... pictures are already taken, both in bathing suit (damn what a gut!!!) and work clothing... and still... STILL... I'm in shock when I see them..yikes!!!

[redgrldj]

ughhhh I hate the camera.. but am allowing pics to be taken now no matter what...