SABATOGE--Is it how others are reacting?

[lins12]

So...I got up on Sunday morning and much to my surprise I had lost another 2 lbs...I was down to 173. I was AMAZED to say the least. I began to try on clothes that finally fit and pulled out the box with all of my old clothes. Several 12s fit and the 10s actually could be pulled up but not zipped. I was excited but something was bothering me. I could not figure it out. I went to the grocery store and decided to buy myself a treat of baked cheetos. The entire day I wanted to eat them....not uncontrolled binge like in the past but just steady need to eat. I was sabotaging myself and I couldn’t figure out. Something about being really cute again and fitting into shorter clothes scared the hell out of me.

I have been trying to figure out what it is… First of all, it is such a foreign feeling…so much so that it felt uncomfortable and second, is the male reaction. My best guy friend of 5 years hit on me two weeks ago. It really bothered me bc he never has hit on me before and because now I feel like he sees me in the “sexual” way—what about our friendship??? In addition, I find guys hitting on me and giving me the time of day that didn’t use to. When I was fat I wanted guys to still see me as pretty and now that I have lost weight—I want them to see my personality and not just me as a sexual object. Does this make any sense?

Now—how do I get out of the self sabotaging way and move past the uncomfortable-ness of this new foreign feeling and the male reaction to my outside and not me as a full person.

By the way...I was up 6 lbs between yesetrday and today. I finished th4e bag of cheetos and had a frozen yogurt. WAY less bad than I would have been 2 years ago but still frustrating. I suspect part of the weight is all the sodium. I didn't eat enought o gain that much weight. ARG!!
HELP!

["Just" Paul]

Lins,

This isn't uncommon. We all sabotage ourselves sometimes. It can be hard to accept that things about us are changing... but they are, and sometimes we unconsciously try to STOP the change!

Be that as it may. Sense when you are doing it to yourself, and find ways to stop. One way I do it, is to stop carrying cash. I used to be a vending machine junky... now if I have NO coin... can't use the machine, even when I am tempted to sabotage myself.

You've done amazing so far, and it can be SHOCKING to yourself and others to see and feel the changes.

As far as the opposite sex goes... you betcha. As you get more in shape, and lose weight, not only does your appearance improve, but your SELF CONFIDENCE goes up big-time! Believe it or not, it is not as much the weight loss as it is the improved confidence that draws the opposite sex to you in a sexual way! There is nothing on the planet sexier than a confident woman! Woof!

You may also ask yourself, as you have lost weight, do you now send out different signals? Now that I am thinner and in better shape, I feel better about being intimate? This is the type of thing tnat may have caused an old friend to respond to you sexually... it may NOT have been that he wasn't attracted to you before, but you may not have sent out the signals of interest (no, not necessarily to him) in a sexual nature.

Last on this topic... and this is the personal one... have you noticed a change in your level of sexual drive sinve losing weight? many weight loss patients notice a severe increase in drive, and you may be demonstrating that without knowing it.

Personally, I have noticed a HUGE change in the way the opposite sex reacts to me since losing the weight. It was amazing to be so big, and so invisible, and now to be so much smaller, and so much more noticed.

Then again... maybe guys are just hitting on you because you are hot and sassy!

Just my 2 cents.:p

[Jachut]

Its easy to feel put out because people, particularly men, didnt see you as beautiful before and now they do. You know how much you have to offer personality wise and you want to be valued for what you are inside, not for the packaging. And that's fair enough.

But its human nature to find thinner, healthier people attractive, attraction happens on a subconscious level. Myself for instance, I ALWAYS find the same type of men attractive, and they're not usually that beautiful either. I dont want no pretty boy obsessed with his body building buff model type, I just dont find that sort of thing turns me on. Give me a man in a suit, greying at the temples, kind of burly and big anyday. Why? I dunno, probably because a man like that looks like he'd have a $250,000 a year job in a law firm and could provide well the type of lifestyle I grew up with and want. Skinny men, small men, nah, perhaps they dont appeal because on a subconscious level they look like they'd be eaten by their prey, not bring it home to me?

Anyhow, as a thinner healthier person I think subconsciously that says many things to do with survival of the species. Instinctively humans know perhaps that a 400lb woman probably isnt going to produce a baby a year for all her childbearing years.

Its not shallowness, its just how our species works. When you get to really know someone after the initial attraction, it still comes down to what is inside, what is really happening is that you dont have to work so hard now to get the chance to get to know somebody.

[lins12]

You guys are great! It is so nice to be able to vent to people who understand and are supportive.

Paul--I have not said it nearly enough...it is SOOO great to have a guy around-especially one that is as great as you! I appreciate you!!!

[Neal R.]

This is a tough one. I am sure that a guys perspective is totally different than the ladies. Paul hit on some great points. I will be the first to admit, my wife is overweight and I find her very sexy and love her very much, but if I were to be shown pictures of an overweight lady and a non-overweight lady - my eye goes to the non-overweight person. Human nature I guess. I would see this as a complement although the situation with your friend would be uncomfortable.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over this. Make yourself happy, thats the most important thing. Hope this makes sense.

[lins12]

That is a great point Neal! The way I feel should be exactly that...how I feel--not letting how other s percieve or see me play into that...it is tough though...

Man, you MEN are AWESOME!!!

[Jachut]

It can be quite threatening too though cant it? Like too much to handle.

When I run outside I usually do so with Doug. But on the occasions I've gone on my own, every time I've been tooted by men driving past in cars. I would have been jeered a year ago probably. But I dont feel that way, its not attention that's welcome, its kind of inappropriate and scary when you're on your own.

On the one hand, its very flattering to be seen as sexier but you're not being "sexual" all the time and having to deal with that attention when you're in a completely different mode is a whole nother skill to master. It really is a hard one to come to terms with.

[lins12]

Thanks for understanding and sharing. Jachnut, it SO helps!