Need advice to convince a loved one to have surgery

[supergirl]

I am sincerely trying to convince my DH to get banded. He has a bmi over 49 and a significant family history of type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, colon cancer and he has gerd and I believe he has sleep apnea. He has never had any type of surgery. I have went over all of the benefits to both having the surgery and loosing weight but he just won't even consider it. Is there any advice someone can offer? He has been very supportive of my decision to have surgery and remains supportive but I really want him to be around to see our grandchildren (when the day comes).

Ps. He is scared of needles and has gone with me for an adjustment so that did not help at all.

[chellesewell]

Its a very personal decision...I don't think you will help by pushing your decision on him. It may actually hurt his feelings. By showing your medical improvements and weight loss is the only thing I would share. If he is not open AT ALL to the idea, you really can't expect him to change his mind. Good Luck. I have a friend who is 380 pounds and will not even think of it...so I decided not to push the subject. Now tthat I am banded, it has inspired him to try to lose weight again....you never know...

[supergirl]

I didn't really think of it as pushing. Maybe convince was the incorrect term to use. I have only made the suggestion that ge at least go to a seminar and see what its all about My DH has been battling his weight all of his life, much like most of us. We have both tried numerous diets and gained the weight back. Perhaps you're on to something though. Maybe I should just let my progress and milestones speak for me. I know that ultimately the decision would have to be his and his alone. I would never drill at him to get any type of procedure. I just worry about him.

[chellesewell]

I see what you mean...Sorry if I misunderstood. I think you are amazing for caring so much for him, but it really is an individual decision. I think attending an information session is the hardest part. t is admitting you have a problem...It's one thing to say it to others, but really accepting it for yourself is hard. Maybe he is in denial about his problem. Is there something that led to his gain? He may need to deal with that before moving on. It's a HUGE commitment...and maybe he has a hard time committing...just a thought.

[supergirl]

He has been heavy all of his life. He knows his weight is too high. He's told me he wants and needs to loose weight countless times. Hid doctors have also told him this. He wants to loose weight but he wants to do without surgery. His biggest problem, in his own words is the fear of having surgery. I mean this is a person who's teeth are extremely clean because he is scared to death of the dental drill so he doesn't want any cavities. Thanks for the input.

[chellesewell]

Wow...that's craziness. I understand the fears...maybe an info session is right...so he can meet and ask the doctor questions.

[supergirl]

I know. So how does one go about trying to get some one to realize that the weight they are carrying around may be more dangerous than their fear of surgery? Well I guess I will continue to be there for him and I will keep praying for his health.

[savannah smiles]

I know where you're coming from 100%. If you look into my posting history, you'll see a thread I started about being banded but living with a compulsive eater and you can see the advice I got.
I agree that you have to just focus on your own journey and hope that he either decides to get the surgery or at least implements some lifestyle changes. My dh is also afraid of surgery. I did get him to go to the seminar but he's very resistant to doing anything else right now. It's hard to watch someone struggling, I know. ((hugs))

[LL83706]

Hi Tina,

I so understand how you feel. You want to help your husband - there's nothing wrong with that! Unfortunately I have to agree with the other posters. I don't know your husband, but I'm pretty sure he knows that being obese is unhealthy. Surgery is such a personal decision though. There are several parts of the process that might deter a person from being banded, and fear of surgery is only one of them. I agree with the initial post - doing the best you can on your own journey will probably be the most convincing evidence for him. I had two friends who had GB and one who was banded, and watching them was very convincing for me.

Best of luck to the both of you!

[supergirl]

Thanks and I will just leave alone, for now. He will hopefully see my progress and at least take it into consideration.

[annmarie70]

Food and emotions are wrapped up with each other. He isn't ready for that commitment. He may never be ready.

I'm single right now so my focus is all on me. However, one girl at work stated she wouldn't have surgery, despite being the one that told me our insurance would pay for it, and now after hurting her leg and having kidney stones again, she is considering it. She even went for the psych eval. She's not sure, but is getting closer.

She is still denying she has any health issues. She doesn't consider the stones an issue. She is dependent on food for comfort.

Many food addicted people are not ready to give up the access to quantity of food, like cigarette addicts have to give up cigs. It's hard. Yes, we can have a taste, but never again can we eat our pain away at the buffet. It's a hard crutch to give up. Just be patient.

[MommaStone]

Ann Marie, very profound and true thoughts

[savannah smiles]

Ann Marie, very profound and true thoughts

Indeed!

My dh is currently on his way to Costco. Whenever he's there, he always brings home one of their huge cheesecakes and it's something he always regrets after he's eaten it all. I may have a slice but cheesecake is something I can truly take or leave so he easily eats 95% of it. He's not ready to give up the pleasure and safe feelings that gorging can give you.

Until someone is ready to leave the shelter and safety that food gives them they can't really be helped.

[WildAlaskaG'ma]

Until someone is ready to leave the shelter and safety that food gives them they can't really be helped.

THAT is so painfully true ,,,

[SixOfOne]

It's generally been my experience with men that if you truly want them to do something, you have to make them think it's their idea. :wink2:

[Neal R.]

It's generally been my experience with men that if you truly want them to do something, you have to make them think it's their idea. :wink2:

I resemble that remark! LOL

[fish]

Tina , I have been fat all my life and I am 60 years old. I tried everything and nothing kept off the weight . It took my sister death to make me understand I did not want to die and I had to do something. I think it takes something in your life to get you to do something to help yourself. I was having trouble breathing, my health problems was getting more difficult to deal with. When I asked my family doctor about the lapband he was in full support and I though he was going to kiss me .
Tell him your feelings let him know you are worried that he is going to leave you all alone. Tell him you don't want to loose him. After you have made sure he knows all of that it is his decision. You have done all you can. Say a prayer that he see the light and gets the help he needs.
I wish you the best of luck I hope for both of you that he looks into getting banded. Maybe if you share this site and let him read how others are getting banded and are doing fine he might decide he wants a band of his own. Best of luck
Fish
joe

[Craig A]

I believe that ou have the tools right here. Just have him read some of the stories on this site. It is a personal decision that if forced will not work. The motivation is right here

[supergirl]

Thanks everyone. I will take all of these suggestions and comments to heart.
Fish: his brother passes a couple of years ago from colon cancer and I can't even convince him to get a colonoscopy! I guess I will just pray and put it in gods hands.