Wake-Up Call

[LindaV]

I am just over 6 months out from surgery and I find myself really struggling. The six month point is where I usually throw in the towel on diets and I got the band so I wouldn't be able to do that. But I am finding that it is no longer easy to make good choices and exercise; it takes a lot of will power to make those choices now.

It's scary to me that I can put weight on very quickly and easily even with the band. I gained about 8 pounds last week on vacation and, although I wasn't making the healthiest of choices, I wasn't making the worst ones either. I guess 8 pounds in a mere 7 days has been a real wake-up call for me. Frankly, it scares the hell out of me!

Right now, even though I am struggling to make good choices, I really am committed to completing this journey and am very proud of how well I've done so far. I am just scared to death that I will wake up one day and be "done" like I always have before. That of course has always been followed by quickly gaining my weight back.

I figured the band would give me time to work through those feelings and maintain most of my weight loss util I was ready to be committed again. After last week's quick gain I am afraid I don't have that option any longer.

I hate to think I am using my band as a crutch but I guess that's exactly what I am doing with this kind of thinking.

My ultimate goal is to develop a healthy relationship with food so that it does not control me, how I look, or how much I weigh. I guess I still have a lot of work to do on the emotional end. Damn!!!!!! I have never been very good at the emotional stuff.

Thanks for "listening." Any insight would be appreciated.

[Kathy]

Linda, I'm 18, NO! 19 months post-op and it's still a struggle. I'm not sure I have ever gained 8 pounds in 7 days though. Whoa! Much of it is water weight, to be sure, so don't beat yourself up. It WILL fall back off. Is it time for a fill?

I got what I hope is my last fill yesterday. P'nut told me I'd need to do the whole *start-over-like-it's-post-op* thing and I'm finding it to be true. I expected it, but it's interesting to be on liquids, not hungry, and needing food/nutrition at the same time. That shouldn't be news to me at this stage, but it is.

The emotional side to eating I'm not sure ever really goes away for many of us. Some folks manage to kick it in the butt but I don't know how, except to use my band as a crutch. It gets me through. I'm doing this thing, but I'm not doing it alone. I just can't manage to apologize for that, especially with the 160's just around the corner. *shrug* too bad, so sad, that I need my band and I'm using it. :)

When I had my consult with my fill doc, I asked him if, worst case scenario, I'm eroded and lose my band, would he do a gastric sleeve on me, even at my weight. He went round and round and basically said "it depends on the condition of the stomach tissue". I took the opportunity to show him my before pics, which raised his eyebrows pretty good. I said "going back 'there' is what I CAN'T do" and held his gaze. He heard me. Obesity cannot be. If I need help, so be it.

So, beautiful lady, get back in the game. Get a fill if you need one. Sing a song..."I get by with a little help from my friends"...your band, your b2g family, your own little happy home, and your Lord. We ALL need help! (((hugs)))

[AnnDe]

Linda, I hear so much of what you are saying.... I feel its me talking. I have not had a gain, but know I am just the same as you. I have had the moments of feeling like throwing in the towel. Like Kathy said we are all here for each other. Get back to your water aerobics, drinking water... making good food choices. We are a team here you and I... we can do this with each other help... I have put my photo journal on my table, it is there for me to look at when I want to make a unhealthy food choice. I am going to get some help with the emotional part of the journey. Like you, I have done so well and to think it could all be put back on, in a very short time. So we will face the up and downs of this journey. I know this is going to be a hard next few months with the holidays upon us.. But we can do this.... !!! hugs to you my friend... keep strong you will win......
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[LindaV]

Thanks My Friends,

I needed to hear that. I did go on vacation needing a fill but couldn't get in before I left. I had a fill on Monday. The weight is coming off again. It is not really the gain that bothered me so much but how much the gain was in such a short period of time.

I think that what I am realizing is that my food "issues" are not on the surface and therefore not so easy to detect. I don't think they even surface for about 6-8 months. I guess it is good that I do indeed have issues. What that means for me is that there are issues to be dealt with and that I can get past them and on to a normal life.

I am going to get through the holidays and then start to think about whether or not I might not benifit from some counseling. I definately am not very introspective so having a third party to ask the right questions and help me go there is probably in the future.

Anyway, thanks for the reality check and the encouragement.

DeAnn - David is making hummus for Thanksgiving so I will definately get you the recipe soon. Sorry it's taken so long. I havn't forgotten.

[Alicia521]

Linda, I know you from our May group on the other site. Anyway, something that the counselor at doctor's office has suggested and it helps. Keep a journal. Write in it any time you are feeling down, feel compelled to eat, etc. I have found that I am an emotional eater so anytime I want to eat, I go to my journal and write what I am feeling. It causes you to think about things more and make yourself be introspective. Just my own theory, but most overweight folks deal with stress, etc by eating. Now that we are banded, it is harder to use food to cope so we are actually having to deal with the emotions. I can remember Oprah saying after she lost weight, she felt a headache for the first time. Prior to losing weight, she always ate when she was feeling bad physically and emotionally and never actually felt her headaches. I thought about myself and realized that eating was always my first line of defense. I have actually found that I am arguing more with my DH because instead of eating to deal with things I am just bringing them up. We are working through this so hopefully it won’t be an issue. Anyway, hang in there. 6 months and you are in this for the long haul and you have done so well and are truly an inspiration to me.

[Jachut]

I can categorically state that if I did not have my band, I would be busy gaining back ALL my weight right now.

Its almost as if I can feel my body wanting to put it back on, like a physiological drive. Its like "whoa, where is the rest of me, lets get this fixed". Very hard. At the moment, its like old times, I start each day with good intentions and by afternoon, its all gone out the window.

I havent gained thank goodness. I think its time for a fill, my DH thinks I've had enough fills (he's only concerned, but really how would he known, lol). I'm going to ring my doc today.

Its a wake up call allright, when you realise just what it is the band is doing for you - you dont credit it for dampening down all that head hunger, cravings and desire for bad foods but it certainly seems to when its working properly.

The other thing that helps me - exercise and food are no longer connected for me. I run regardless, not just when I'm being good. And I really think that that's the key to preventing gains.