body image

[christa94]

question: does anyone have body image issues? i mean, i started out at 188 and a really tight 14 and a tight 16. i was banded on 6/29. i am 5'3. now some may think 188 is not that bad, but it is when nothing you do to lose weight works and you actually gain! so, i was banded. now, i am about 150, my goal weight was 140-145. now i am in an 8/10 very comfortably. tight clothes are gone. the scale is down, other people comment on my weight loss, but when i look in the mirror, i see the same 188 image.my husband says i clearly don't see myself how others see me and that i have issues. he is afraid that when i get to my goal i will be dissatisfied and get on the pursuit to lose more.

[Telly]

question: does anyone have body image issues? i mean, i started out at 188 and a really tight 14 and a tight 16. i was banded on 6/29. i am 5'3. now some may think 188 is not that bad, but it is when nothing you do to lose weight works and you actually gain! so, i was banded. now, i am about 150, my goal weight was 140-145. now i am in an 8/10 very comfortably. tight clothes are gone. the scale is down, other people comment on my weight loss, but when i look in the mirror, i see the same 188 image.my husband says i clearly don't see myself how others see me and that i have issues. he is afraid that when i get to my goal i will be dissatisfied and get on the pursuit to lose more.

Hell yes! I feel the same way. I look at myself and I think that I have soooo much more I need to lose and improve but then my husband told me that I should stop losing b/c I am smaller than he can ever remember. But I feel otherwise.

I was just sharing the same concern with a good friend. I told her that I hope that one day I will know when to stop losing weight b/c I keep changing my goal weight the closer I get to it. I say 135, 130, 125, 120, 140 and I am not sure when to stop. Recently I said 110lbs is good for me but it's about 5lbs underweight according to my BMI. I'll figure it out someday. Just dont want to keep obsessing over it.

This image issue we have has a name, a diagnosis. Someone help me out with this.

[Telly]

Dysmorphic Disorder??

It's a disorder of when you think the mirror lies.

[JDru]

BDD: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

[christa94]

telly! oh my gosh. i have seen your pics and it is so obvious that you have lost. but, i guess if you can't see it, that is exactly what i am talking about:)

i suffered from bulimia and anorexia for many many years. once i went from 250lbs to 108 pounds in 9 months and still thought i was overweight. i guess i get concerned because i don't know what it would take for me to settle on a weight and be happy with it. don't get me wrong, i am happy i am no longer 188, but i am not real happy with the 150ish thing. i guess i just have issues. i want to exercise everyday, but my husband thinks that is over the top and i agree it probably is since i have so little time as it is and am barely able to get my 3 days of it it. i exercised monday and tuesday nights. it was great. i felt like i was near passing out on tuesday because i worked so hard and pressed myself. i was hyped over the calories that i was burning! i was on a high, yet plastered on the couch for air and getting my equilibrum back. the next morning, i was down on the scale. i took yesterday off because it was way too late by the time i got home from work and taking my daughter to dance class and bible study at church and then the 30 min. commute home. i only had 1100 calories yesterday. i weighed myself today and was 152 and i have been in a funk all day. maybe it is just water, but i want to see decreases daily! nothing else seems acceptable to me now. i want to be able to look in the mirror and see the change. so, now my husband really thinks i am borderline out of control!

[Tricia K.]

I still see the fat girl in the mirror sometimes. I'm trying my best to get over it, but it creeps in now and then.

[Telly]

telly! oh my gosh. i have seen your pics and it is so obvious that you have lost. but, i guess if you can't see it, that is exactly what i am talking about:)

i suffered from bulimia and anorexia for many many years. once i went from 250lbs to 108 pounds in 9 months and still thought i was overweight. i guess i get concerned because i don't know what it would take for me to settle on a weight and be happy with it. don't get me wrong, i am happy i am no longer 188, but i am not real happy with the 150ish thing. i guess i just have issues. i want to exercise everyday, but my husband thinks that is over the top and i agree it probably is since i have so little time as it is and am barely able to get my 3 days of it it. i exercised monday and tuesday nights. it was great. i felt like i was near passing out on tuesday because i worked so hard and pressed myself. i was hyped over the calories that i was burning! i was on a high, yet plastered on the couch for air and getting my equilibrum back. the next morning, i was down on the scale. i took yesterday off because it was way too late by the time i got home from work and taking my daughter to dance class and bible study at church and then the 30 min. commute home. i only had 1100 calories yesterday. i weighed myself today and was 152 and i have been in a funk all day. maybe it is just water, but i want to see decreases daily! nothing else seems acceptable to me now. i want to be able to look in the mirror and see the change. so, now my husband really thinks i am borderline out of control!


Please do not take this the wrong way Christa, it is not to offend you in any way.

My best friend and I were talking a few days ago. She lives in NYC. We used to live together and I would notice that no matter what...she was an extremely happy girl. No she wasn't on meds, or at least I never saw her on anything. She had a great job, she has a great wife and life now. She's banking in the dough too. She told me that her secret to a happy life is Mental Health. I was surprised she said this..so I dug. She told me that she goes in once per week to a group therapy session and they just talk about life or whatever it is that they need to get off of their backs. She tells me that what she likes the most about the sessions is that she gets peer feedback, which is great b/c it's not just coming from just a Therapist, (though the therapist leads the session). It's like a meeting of sorts and a venting session or happy news session. It has helped her through whatever she is going through. I had no idea that she needed to have therapy so I shared that with her. She told me that no matter who you are or how happy you are, everyone needs someone to talk to and everyone needs to take care of their mental health as well as their physical health. So she's got me thinking.

I think it makes sense.

[Kat817]

Kind of like we do here---only face to face....
I live in a rural area, and cannot even find a WLS support group to attend that does not shun me for being Lap band as opposed to bypass.
I can see how releasing any pent up emotion that way would help!
Kat

[christa94]

telly, why in the world would i take offense? because i posted about being bulimic in the past? no offense taken. i had tons of mental help to get past the nonsense that led me to that point. i was so sick that i had to have the help of others. i do have some issues going on in my life that are less than favorable no doubt. and it is easy for me to throw myself into losing weight and going way over the top with my banded lifestyle and pursuits.

[Telly]

telly, why in the world would i take offense? because i posted about being bulimic in the past? no offense taken. i had tons of mental help to get past the nonsense that led me to that point. i was so sick that i had to have the help of others. i do have some issues going on in my life that are less than favorable no doubt. and it is easy for me to throw myself into losing weight and going way over the top with my banded lifestyle and pursuits.

I'm soo sorry. I wish I could hug you. I know there are times in my life that seems like the viscious cycle will never end. Then it does. Then there is the calm after the storm.

Don't let anything take control over you like that. You are in control of your life, your eating, your body. Damn that stress and damn any peripherals causing you harm.

Fight yourself hard.

[EmileeKaye]

I have the same issues. I'm only 10 pounds from goal and I feel like I am still the fat girl a lot when I look in the mirror.

One thing I have to say...I was never anorexic or bulimic. I was a binge eater and prolly would have been bulimic if I could make myself throw up, but I never could. I think those issues should be stressed from doctors...that I wonder if the band is a good choice for people who have those issues. I think having those issues in your past makes this journey even harder. It has been for me and I know I still have unhealthy head issues on weight.

[Mrs Sabre]

I don't see my weight, whether up or down, in the mirror; but I do see it in pictures. I don't know why, but it's like pictures let me look at myself like an outside, 3rd person.

[christa94]

i had long stopped bingeing and purging before i got the band. many years had elapsed. i was eating normally and exercising, but i was steady putting on weight. my family is big. big hips and big butts. and poor eating habits which contribute to this. even though i was no longer bulimic and anorexic, i was still concsious of my food intake. initially, i was pleased with my body, but it just seemed that every year i was putting on 10 or 15 pounds. i went to my doctor and she was less than helpful at helping me. she said i must be eating too much and told me i should try a low carb diet like she did. i tried that and it didn't work. she accused me of eating too much and eating cakes and stuff (which i wasn't and had a 2 week food log to proof it). i asked her to test my thyroid and things like that and she wouldn't. just made it seem like it was all my fault. i taught exercise class and exercised 4 times a week and still no loss but an increase. i was starting to feel very bad about my body and considered the band. i put it out of my mind and continued trying to lose the weight. but with every diet that failed, my self image/body image took a nose dive. so a year later, i revisited the idea of the band and decided i needed to get it because i was failing on my own and my self image was declining. when i was bulimic, i focused my energy on food. i ate for the rush of the purge. purging was a way of cleansing myself of my problems and the horrible way i felt on the inside. when i would purge, i felt free of those problems and burdens. the only way to feel that freedom, was to eat so i could then purge. i don't think like that now. i know that that is a poor coping strategy. now, i prefer to talk about my problems/issues. like i mentioned earlier, i could use a therapist right now to help me sort through some things. i have no intention of going back to my old ways of coping and using food. and the good thing is even if i seriously considered that, i wouldn't be able to do that with the band. i would end up hurting myself and end up with a slippage of some sort. nothing that would end up making my life better

[Momotrips]

I'm like Mrs.Sabre - I'm always shocked when I see a photograph - or when I look at my vast expanse of as* in a mirror. I always think I am much slimmer than I am - not that I think I'm thin by any means, I know I'm a bigger person, but the reality of my size is always jolting. I guess I've always felt that I was a "normal" sized girl. I am fastidious in my personal grooming - perfect makeup (as far as my oily skin will let me), perfect hair, perfectly accessorized clothing - so everyone always compliments me on something. I only start to feel bad about myself when I'm surrounded by skinny mommies at school or any other place where I feel I'm one of the biggest in the room. I almost wish I did see the real fat girl in the mirror - maybe I would have worked harder all these years. You'd think that all if my years as a dancer with instructors wanting me to make my muscular, curvy body type fit the anorexic mold they desired would have had the opposite effect on me. It's almost as bad as thinking you're fat when you're not. The mind is a mysterious thing.

[JoyceGA]

I still see the fatter me. After losing 90 lbs, I'm down from a 6X to a 3X -- and the 3X is loose. BUT I have a time getting myself to accept my new size. I find myself closer to purchasing 6X than trusting that I am truly a 3X now. I am wildly surprised when I try on something new in 3X and find it loose.

I still see the fatter me in the mirror. BUT if I look at a picture from last December, I can see the difference.

What has helped me accept my new body is the change in my feet/legs. My left leg had been so swollen that I couldn't wear socks or heeled shoes for three years. In fact, I couldn't wear sneakers. This past month, I rediscovered the joy of wearing socks and sneakers -- without even using a shoe horn!! Yes, my body image is coming from the bottom up.

I'm cheating posting here, since I don't have the lapband yet. But it is by following the lapband eating style that I have gone from a BMI of 81 to the current one of 65. Once I reach a BMI of 40, I wil be able to get the lapband at my hospital -- but my eating style and exercise has changed so much, that I may continue bandless. Y'all have created a mental band in my head. I am forever grateful.

[Lovemylpband]

Have any of you seen Thin on HBO I saw it today for the first time. It takes place at the Renfrew Center in FL. In 1991 I was in Renfrow in Philadelphia. I was bulimic on and off for years. I was concerned about having the band because of occational thoughts of purging. I don't get those anylonger, but I didn't want any of my ol habits to haunt me.

I learned a lot of things while in Renfrew and after even more since I have become a Christian. Eating disorders are so complex. I son't want to offend anyone here however what I have learned has helped me so much with bady image.

I do still struggle with it. I am the first person on any board to tell you how I freak out about that the scale is gong to read.

The best thing that I have done is to look in the mirror and pray for God to show me what he sees not what I see. Of course I don't think to do this all the time and I do have plenty of those I fell fat days, but this does help and I hope it will help you.

I have to get off right now and I hope to get back on tomorrow and share with you more if you'd like.

Our journey is not easy and we all can see things the way they used to be. Hold tight look at pictures side by side of your self and tell your self out loud that you look good and feel good.

Have a good night and God Bless

[Jachut]

I definitely think I'm thinner than I am. I always have, which is why the weight crept on, I just didnt see it, or didnt want to see it.

Now when I see a photo of myself like the one I put up the other day, I dont want to slit my throat, but I still look bigger than I think I am. I dont realise just how plain large (as distinct from overweight) I am, I always get a big shock when I see myself standing next to other women - even women fatter than me. When I was obese, I used to actually think I'd prefer to be much fatter, but rounder and smaller like my best friend, at least it was a more "feminine" kind of obesity, whereas I just looked like a footballer. But I never saw that until I saw a photo of myself.

[JoyceGA]

A related problem. The loose skin makes me feel still morbidly obese. I know I weigh less and can fit smaller clothes, but when I see this hanging skin, I see FAT.

I can't wait to lose enough to go under the knife for what I can't tighten up through exercise.

[Neal R.]

I definately see myself as bigger than I am. I thinks its due to the excess skin. I have people telling me all the time that i don't need to loose anymore. But, I still see a lot that needs to come off because i see myself in the mirror without cloths and realize how much clothes hide. I mean, I wear a XL and a 38 waist compared to a 4XL and a 54/56 waist. I know I haqve come a long way, but am still not completely happy. Maybe PS next year will help.